Treacherous Triangle
by Confused Faerie
Summary: Esmee was in love with the prince when her family informed her that she was promised to his older brother, the king. Forced into a marriage with a man she does not love while close to the one she does offers a lot of temptation. Already struggling, Esmee begins to realize treachery is around every corner in her new role as Queen and not many can be trusted; maybe not even herself.
1. Prologue

**Summary:** Esmee was in love with the Prince of Thidon and hoping for a proposal from him when her family informed her that she was promised to his older brother, the King. Forced into a marriage with a man she does not love while so close the one she does offers a lot of temptation. Esmee is already in trouble when she starts to realize treachery is around every corner in the Castle of Thidon.

**000**

The dark room almost lit up with the smile that crossed over Esmee's face, when she heard a rock meet her window. "Blake." She whispered excitedly, knowing there was no other who would be outside her window at this time of the night.

She glanced quickly at bedchamber's wooden door, making sure it was bolted before rushing over to the simple window to unlock it, flinging it open in one hurried sweep; paying no mind to the night shift and robe she only wore.

Her smile never faded as she put her index finger to her lips to signal quiet to the boy below, and then Esmee began to climb out onto the window ledge and with a few well practiced maneuvers into the old oak tree whose branches graciously extended close to her quarters.

Once she was on a branch near to the bottom Blake lifted his arms to her waist to help her down the rest of the way. Esmee concealed a giggle as she landed on her feet, grabbed his hand and ran; past the gardens, past the stables, and into the forest. Once they were deep enough in though she let out her relief in the form of laughter, turning around in his arms to kiss him full on the mouth.

"I missed you so." She said, still smiling like a fool, after pulling away.

"And I you." He answered simply, crushing his lips against her once again, running his hands through her loose curls.

Esmee pulled away after a few minutes of intense kissing and leaned her back against the trunk of a tree, "I wish we didn't have to wait a full month to meet like this." She said with a sigh.

Blake smiled at her, then placed his strong hands on her hips, pulling her back into him, "Hopefully soon we won't have to wait so long to see one another; we'll be close enough to enjoy each others company every day."

Esmee smiled up at the young Prince, sending a silent prayer upward that he meant this as a hint of marriage. She had yearned for a proposal from him since the first time she had met him seven months prior.

He returned her smile, then bent down very close to her lips, just barely touching, "Enough talking for now, my love." He whispered, pulling her back into a passionate kiss.

**000**

The stress awoke him early again that morning, the dawn barely creeping into the blackness that filled the majority of the sky. If he wanted to guess he'd say he got a grand total of two hours of sleep the night before, as the stress kept him from falling asleep too. But he didn't want to guess or contemplate the exhaustion that crept over his body, aging him ten years each day it seemed.

The country his father had left him nine months prior was in limbo from the fear and anger his father had conceived during his reign. King Adan was not a ruler Jared strived to be in anyway, but the people were cautious of him and the future of their kingdom, despite all the attempts to turn things in the opposite direction of his father and make sure his people felt secure with their new King.

If his father had lived any longer Jared had no doubts that there would have been a revolt led from the desperation to escape King Adan's brutality. When his father suddenly died of a heart problem one night, Jared felt a sense of relief that made him sick; knowing that despite his brutality as a king, that he was also his father and family should never feel a sense of rejoice when losing a member.

Jared rose, stretching out the aches that had been spreading along his body from the weight of his responsibility. Never one to complain outwardly though, he brushed the thoughts aside and let determination flow in. He could not fail, so he would not fail, no matter what it took; even marry a woman he had never met in just two months.

He contemplated this a second as he had a few times since agreeing to the betrothal. Though he assumed he should have thought about it much more often than he had. Jared had never laid eyes on Lady Esmee before and didn't particularly care to have an artist sent out to bring back a miniature for him. He was going to marry her regardless of how she looked so why bother? That argument was met with shrugs by the councilmen who may have wanted to know if it was their betrothed, but understood his reasoning.

No, what Lady Esmee looked like certainly didn't matter. What mattered was making sure her father-Lord Ronen of Kenon-did not secede from Thidon and claim their land as part of the country of Esterdell. Thidon was already walking on eggshells after his father and now was not the time for war over land. So he had been advised by his mother and councilmen to offer an alliance with the family and to take their daughter as his wife. Seven months ago his brother and an adviser had taken this proposal to the Kenon family and they accepted. Jared was happy for one problem to be fixed and thought little of it since.

But in a fortnight he would be traveling to Kenon to meet his bride for the first time and bring her back to the castle with him where she would prepare for their wedding. This dawned on him suddenly and an aching feeling began in his stomach. Jared had a country to run and bridges to mend, so visiting his betrothal or using any of his energy to finding out about her hadn't much crossed his mind. From the example he had seen growing up with his mother, Jared figured a Queen had one job: bear heirs. As long as she could do that, it didn't quite matter what she was like. Mistresses were for companionship, wives for a family. But now he had wished he had bothered to find a little more about her, feeling unsettled that he'd be going to Kenon to pick up a woman he knew absolutely nothing about.

He sighed, pushing the troubling thoughts away, as he got dressed. There was no sense in worrying about another thing when it was inevitable that they'd be married regardless of her personality, interests, or looks. She was an important alliance, what more mattered? Though he did feel like a brute for not caring more.

The slight guilt followed him as he made his way to his study, but it quickly began to be replaced with lists of the things he needed to get done today. The sound of something crashing on the floor around the corner and then a curse interrupted his quiet contemplations. The king raised his eyebrows as his youngest brother, Blake, stumbled around the corner and almost running into him, looking dead on his feet.

"Were you out all night?" Jared asked his brother, a mark of disapproval in his tone.

Blake seemed startled at his brother's voice, not having seen him there in his exhaustion. He shook off the surprise quickly and straightened up defiantly. Though as tall and broad shouldered as he was, his elder brother surpassed him by a bit, which annoyed Blake greatly, "I didn't realize I had been given a curfew, dear brother."

Jared rolled his eyes at his brother's childish antics and stepped around him, "I don't have time for this today, Blake. But I will beg one thing of you."

Blake was taken a back for a moment, since his brother never pleaded or begged anything of anyone. Cautiously he asked, "And what is that?"

The regal and stern king returned in Jared as he replied, "Grow up already and become productive in your life."

With that Jared stalked off, not wanting to be annoyed any further by his irresponsible brother.

Blake stood where he was though, watching his brother march off and only one thought chased through his mind: _I've already begun to become productive. _

**Authors note: **Currently this in in T, but I'm going to forewarn all my readers most of my stories end up becoming M rated (for violence and sexual situations). So there's a chance the rating will change later on. If it does I will give you a **big fat warning **and make sure it's written so you can skip over any "lemon" scenes. But if it _really_ bothers you, you may not want to get attached to this story. For now though this is a T and will be for many chapters to come.

Anyways, with warnings out of the way let me know what you think so far! This story has been knocking around in my head for a year now, but I wasn't going to write it until my other ones were finished. My muse on the other hand wouldn't let me deny it any longer.


	2. Chapter 1

Esmee wasn't one to throw temper tantrums, shout, or do any other silly disobedient things that many girls resorted to when they didn't get their way. But she couldn't seem to control herself from standing up abruptly and backing away from her parents, yelling "No." once at them, louder than she had since she was toddler aged.

Both of her parents were taken aback by this, not expecting the reaction in any of the scenarios they played in their head when deciding when/how to tell her the news. Both of them had figured she might be a bit apprehensive about leaving home and taking on a role as large as queen, but would dutifully agree, as they had raised her to.

But her reaction was that of horrified, as if they had told her she'd be sent to her execution in a fortnight, not to her future husband. _She could certainly do worse than the king_, her mother thought bitterly, not at all amused by her daughter's sudden change in behavior during something so crucial.

Lady Catalina was even less impressed by the next words out of her daughter's mouth, "I refuse."

"I beg your pardon?" Her father replied, voice calm but cold. Esmee was reminded of snake briefly, slow and still before it lashes out to snatch its prey.

Esmee lifted her chin higher, sucking in a deep breath to give her the strength to continue and to still the tears that were beginning to form in the corners of her eyes, "I refuse to marry him."

"You refuse? You refuse to marry the _king_?" Lady Catalina replied, standing up herself, appalled and wondering what happened to the daughter she knew.

She was shocked by her daughter and suddenly quite annoyed as well. Most girls would jump for joy with this opportunity. She had not expected as much from _her_ daughter, such a quiet girl that she was, she assumed she'd be frightened by the prospect. But never did she think her daughter would be standing there seemingly _angry _at the suggestion, as if marrying the king was beneath her.

Catalina could see her daughter shaking; her fists clenched, and noticed the tears at the corners of her eyes. She felt some of her annoyance slipping away then and felt a pang of pity for her youngest child, though only for a minute. This was what was best for Esmee and their family. She'd be made to see that one day.

Lord Ronen didn't have time for silly things like a second or two of pity or compassion. This alliance would give their family power in Thidon politics. Life had been very unstable with King Adan under rule, where no one knew what would be taken away from them next. Their land? Their money? Their freedom? Their lives? With his land bordering Esterdell and most of his trading with them, he had wanted to secede to the country that had a government he could trust.

The new King was offering him the stability he wanted desperately for his people in a way that would not cause war. Ronen had been greatly relieved by this and though he loved his children, if his daughter refused he would be more than willing to drag her to the alter himself to ensure they did not pay the consequences of her actions.

"You _will_ marry his majesty, Esmee, make no doubt about that." He said severely, leaving no room for argument.

"Why?" she pleaded, her voice breaking despite herself, "Why would you force me to marry someone I never met?"

Ronen wouldn't let himself be swayed underneath his daughter's crushed face, though he did not like witnessing it, "You know why, Esmee. This is the only way for _peace_."

"You could just choose to stop your plans to secede and become part of Esterdell!" she shouted, furiously wiping the tears that marked her face openly now.

Ronen slapped his hands against his desk, startling her. She jumped and stepped back further from her parents, "It's not that simple, Esmee!" he shouted right back, "I can't simply trust the son of Adan after his father's reign. We need security with the royal family. You're that security!"

"So what?" Esmee answered bitterly, "I get sold off like a…_whore _for _security_?"

"That's enough!" Catalina stepped in between the large space that separated father and daughter, she turned her eyes onto Esmee, her normally reserved facade slipped away momentarily, "I will not have my daughter use such language."

Esmee raised her eyebrows, "You will not have me use the term whore, yet you sell me like one?"

"You are to become _queen_, Esmee." Catalina answered, slowly calming her voice down, though it was still firm, "You should be grateful for such a privilege."

"It's not a privilege I want!" Esmee yelled, though it lacked ferocity with the way her voice cracked and the way her eyes hooded in deep pain.

"That's too bad, because you do not have a choice in the matter." Ronen put in with chilling finality, "The king comes in a fortnight to take you to the castle. Feel free to throw all the tantrums you'd like over the matter until then. But once he arrives you will revert back to the obedient girl we know and will show him what a good wife you will be." He stepped around his desk, and leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest, "You will do this to prevent a war and because I did not raise a selfish daughter."

Esmee's blue-green eyes met his across the room, attempting defiance. She held her stare for several heartbeats, not a sound was made in the small parlor as she stared down the fierce lord. Realizing she was defeated, she turned quickly on her heel and ran out of the room to her chambers.

She ran quickly through the hallways of the stone manor they lived in. Servant's hustled out of the way or flattened themselves against walls to stay out of her path. All were shocked by the typically quiet and sweet natured girl flying through the house in a fit.

Once she opened the heavy, dark, wood door to her chambers she dashed in; closing the door and bolting it quickly. As soon as it was closed though she pressed her hand over her mouth, letting the sobs come as she slid down the door.

Her loyal pet-an all-black wolf named Pyre that she rescued six years prior-whined, feeling his master's pain, as he walked towards her; and laid a gentle kiss upon her cheek. Esmee couldn't even muster up a smile for her dearest friend though, and just wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into the fur of his neck as the tears rolled.

She could not marry the man she loves' brother. Blake was the only boy who had ever captured her attention and losing him by a forced marriage was heartbreaking enough. But a marriage to his brother? That would kill her. And what about Blake? She knew from brief mentions on the subject of King Jared, that Blake was quite jealous of his eldest brother. He would be heartbroken if he found out that the woman he loved was to marry him. Esmee couldn't imagine putting him through something like that.

At the same time how could she not if it meant stopping a war that seemed inevitable up until now? She knew she couldn't live with herself if her refusal cost thousands of lives. But how could her family sacrifice her for their cause? Why couldn't they find another way?

Esmee sobbed harder, pulling Pyre closer. The dog dutifully sat there, whining alongside her. After she was dried out Esmee lifted her aching head, and scratched Pyre between his ears. He kissed her in return, pleased with her affection and wishing to seize the tears he didn't understand.

Esmee wished nothing more than to drag her drained body into bed and sleep off her misery, but at the same time she knew that would solve nothing. So with as much willpower as she had left, she lifted herself off the floor and walked over to the desk, where she began to write a letter to Blake, explaining what was going on, begging for his help. Once the letter was in the hands of a servant, with orders to bring it directly to their family's messenger, Esmee allowed her sorrow to overtake her once again and fell onto her bed.

000

The ride to Kenon was not long, only a day's journey on horseback, a day and a half via carriage. Jared had opted for the horseback, too anxious for a quiet ride the carriage would offer. But had ordered one to tag behind so he and his bride would be able to ride back in it together, as he assumed she would not be comfortable riding the distance.

The capital of Thidon-where the castle was-rested on the north end of the country. Kenon was on the northwest side in the midst of wide forest land, that only the locals seemed to be able to navigate. Looking around at the thick expanse of trees that lined the road, Jared was glad he wouldn't be fighting here. With Esterdell's help and Kenon's knowledge of the land, they would have had quite the advantage.

The closer Jared got to his destination the more his anxiety increased. Now he had really wished he'd made an effort to find out one or two things about his wife. The truth was he knew already so little about the Lord and Lady of the manor, as they hadn't visited court in at least ten years. All he had known was the slow escalade of ties they created to Esterdell each year until it could no longer be ignored.

The only member of the family he had any acquaintance with was the son and heir of the manor, Nolan, who had had come to the castle of Thidon for warrior training a few years prior. He had only met the boy a handful of times, and probably would have never even known his name if he hadn't become a friend of Blake's. Jared had been forced to help both the boys out of a few messes with the master-of-arms in charge of training at the barracks, but he had liked Nolan well enough despite the few childish pranks he had been a part of. It helped that Jared was certain his brother was the instigator in most cases.

But what of the other child of Lord and Lady Ronen and Catalina? Honestly, he had never heard anything about her until the proposal was brought up. His mother was actually the first to suggest it, but she didn't seem to know much about the girl either, other than she was of marriageable years and even that information she couldn't give him a clear answer on. Somewhere between sixteen and nineteen, his mother thought. So he knew that and her name: Esmee.

He was marrying a woman he knew two things about, and one of them not fully. Jared almost burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation; but he kept his face firm, mindful of the guards following him on horseback.

Jared could only pray at this point that she was at least tolerable. He wanted to pray as well that she wasn't as spoiled or rude as most of the women of court were that he had met. But he felt that would be asking too much of the Gods and he wasn't hoping for miracles. Most noble women were cut of the same cloth, with the same personality. He doubted this one could be much different.

000

Esmee had her head buried into a pillow, sobbing hysterically for the first time in two weeks. She realized with a dread finality that the king would in fact be coming to fetch her today and there was no one to save her from her future.

Blake had not written her back, nor had he come to visit her. A message had been delivered yesterday though, confirming the king would be here tonight, in time for dinner. Esmee felt sick to her stomach, wondering why Blake hadn't come for her when had claimed so passionately to have loved her. Had he not meant it? Or was he scared of the consequences just as she was? Maybe he was letting her go for the good of the country, but it still hurt that he hadn't even written her back.

Gentle hands soothed her back as the sobs kept coming, and a muzzle peaked over the bed to lick the hands clenched on either side of her head.

"I know it doesn't seem like it now but things will feel better in time, my dear." The soft voice of Hally, Kenon manor's head of housekeeping penetrated Esmee's sobs and quieted her down long enough to brush some tears away and speak.

"I _love_ him!" Esmee answered passionately, though not in anger. She tried anger, it clearly hadn't worked for her.

Hally brushed Esmee's knotted hair out of her face and wiped the tears off with her thumb, "I know, dear, I know. But it wasn't meant to be."

Esmee shook her head at that, "I refuse to believe that."

"You're just refusing all sorts of things lately, aren't you?" Hally answered in a teasing voice, attempting to break the somber mood that littered the house since the news of Esmee's betrothal. Her being in here, trying to coax the poor girl to get ready was proof enough of that, since it was not normally her job to ready Esmee. But the maid assigned to her hadn't known what to do with the sobbing girl and fetched her in a haste. Hally loved the young lady like her own, so she put on hold the duties she needed to perform to get the manor ready for the king's visit to comfort the girl. Then hopefully she'd get her into a bath and dressed before the king showed or else Lady Catalina might start an all-out war on the poor child.

"I suppose you were you saving up all your arguments for something good, huh?" Esmee did laugh a bit at this, though it was halfhearted and quiet. It was something though and Hally was glad for any progress.

Esmee was glad for Hally's company, as she had been the only person she had told about Blake and didn't seem the least bit uncomfortable with her reaction to the news of her impending marriage.

Esmee turned her tear stained face towards the window and looked at the lowering position of the sun. She knew what she had to do and it didn't involve drenching her pillow with her sorrow. But she felt weak from all the crying and her head pounded. The thought of getting up sounded quite tiring. But she didn't have a choice. She couldn't very well insult the king when they were already walking a thin line between war and peace, by not showing up to greet him. Her betrayal did not matter at the moment, her people did.

"I'll get ready now." Esmee stated simply, and Hally's heart broke for her.

000

The household staff of Kenon were lined up neatly in the manor's courtyard behind Lord Ronen and Lady Catalina, as Jared rode up. All but one or two, Jared thought curiously as he noticed not only was Nolan not there next to his parents, but also there was no girl next to them either. He scanned the courtyard again quickly after he dismounted, but unless she was dressed as a servant she was not there to greet him. This made Jared even more nervous, knowing he'd have to wait even longer at a glance of his soon-to-be-bride.

He didn't allow his displeasure to show though as he walked right up to the Lord and Lady, as he heard his men dismount behind him. The entire household either bowed or curtsied lowly and he directed a brief nod towards Lord Ronen and Lady Catalina in response, then gestured with his hand for them to rise. Quickly grooms came for his and his men's horses and began to lead them away towards the stables.

Lady Catalina spoke first. She was a petite woman with blonde curls and sharp blue eyes, which made Jared think there was a fierce woman inside that small frame. A smile was plastered on her face, though Jared noticed it didn't look quite genuine, "Your majesty, it is a pleasure to meet you. I hope your trip was fair?"

"It was fine." Jared responded tensely. Normally he could do small talk, but the curiosity to see his betrothed now that he was here and so close to the moment was overwhelming. He wanted to quicken things up so he could be awarded with an explanation as to why she was not here. Shouldn't meeting her future husband be on the girl's priority list?

Lord Ronen was a man with fading strawberry blonde hair, green eyes, and average height. But the way he held himself gave the impression that he was no pushover. He seemed to understand the king's thoughts, though Jared was a master at concealing them, and gestured with his hands to the steps leading up to the two large wooden doors that opened to the foyer of the manor, "Come on in , your majesty. I'm sure you are tired from your travels. Let's have a cup of ale and sit. Then you can get washed up before dinner."

Jared gave a brief nod as he was led into the home and then directly into a small parlor by Lady Catalina. He looked around the room; there was a sitting area in front of a large hearth and then in a small corner directly in front of two long windows sat a desk with several built in bookshelves to its right. It was a homey room and he instantly felt comfortable within its walls.

"Please sit, your majesty." Lady Catalina said, the fake smile still on her face, as if it was carved of stone. Jared wondered how many people fell for it, when it seemed so transparent to him. He supposed many though. He probably only noticed because he was so used to appeasing people he didn't particularly like or trust as well.

"Thank you, my lady." Jared answered politely, choosing the large, wing backed chair, closest to the hearth.

Lady Catalina ordered the maid hovering at the door to fetch some ale for the room as Lord Ronen sat down across from the king. Just as Ronen was about to speak though the doors opened again by an older servant, with gray hair tied tightly into a bun at the nape of her neck. She curtsied briefly to the lord and lady, then lower and more exaggerated for the King.

Jared gestured for her to rise, and then his eyes flew behind her, as a girl walked out of the shadows and into the light of the room. The girl walked right up to him and gave a deep curtsey, with her head downcast. The curtsey was done with a fluid grace that a princess would give to a prince. Her light strawberry blonde hair tumbled over her face slightly, just enough to block out his ability to see it.

Finally she rose and he was pleasantly surprised that she was beautiful and he sent a silent prayer that this was in fact Lady Esmee, because whoever this girl was it took her only half a heartbeat to make him want to know her. That had certainly never happened to him before.

"Your majesty," she began to speak in a soft voice that sounded almost musical, "I am Lady Esmee. I am sorry that I was not here to greet you. It took me longer to ready myself that I had thought it would."

Lady Catalina narrowed her eyes at her daughter and the inappropriate excuse she had made. It was not like a lady to ever let a man know about her readying habits or that it actually took effort to look impeccably. Those were secrets women kept to themselves and her daughter should be well enough to know it.

Jared on the other hand doubted the excuse instantly. Though she was most definitely beautiful-with her pale skin; strawberry blonde hair that had soft, bouncing curls at the end; full lips, and a small narrow nose; along with a petite body that he was sure he'd tower over if he was standing-it was obvious she hadn't put much effort into meeting her betrothed. Her hair was down with no decoration, clearly she had put no makeup (which he was grateful for so he could see her flawless skin), and her dress was simple.

He supposed he should be annoyed that she hadn't thought to put the effort in for him, but it took only one look into those blue-green eyes that reminded him of the ocean in the south, and he realized she had been crying for a good long time before their meeting. There was a red ring on her waterline and her eyes were still glossy. He wondered what had caused her to cry and was surprised to find that he was hoping it wasn't over their marriage.

Jared stood up to greet her, bowing to her and taking her hand in his-noting how small it was-and brought it to his lips, "It's a pleasure to meet you at last, Lady Esmee."

Esmee's breath caught in her throat as he looked directly into his eyes. She willed herself not to move, to hold the gaze, as it would be rude to turn away. Her heart clenched as she involuntarily compared him to his brother. Jared's eyes were a dark brown, while Blake's had been blue. They both had the same dark auburn hair, though Jared's cut was shorter. Though they both had similar facial features, Jared's seemed to be harder, much less boyish like Blake's. Esmee was shocked to find that she actually thought Jared was more handsome than Blake. She hadn't thought that would be possible.

"Hally, is his majesty's rooms ready?" Lady Catalina spoke and Esmee dropped Jared's hand abruptly, turning her head towards her shoulder, seeming to listen to the conversation, but her eyes were downcast and Jared could tell her mind was elsewhere.

"Yes, my lady." Hally answered.

"Have you ordered for hot water to be brought to his bath yet?" Lady Catalina asked, ticking off the things needed to be done in her head, knowing nothing could go wrong during his short stay.

"Yes, my lady." Hally answered again.

"And dinner will be done in an hour?" Hally answered again confirming all was prepared.

Jared couldn't keep his eyes off of the woman in front of him though. He hadn't expected much out of his wife, she had been solely a means to an end of a long running problem, but now that he was here in front of her he couldn't help to be intrigued. The few words she spoke to him were soft, quiet, but her mind clearly woolgathering as it was at this moment showed she was not a simpleton.

"Hm?" Jared asked, realizing he had missed something while contemplating Esmee and he turned his head to look at Lady Catalina.

Catalina smiled at this, a real smile that was not lost on Jared. He wondered what all of the sudden had put her in a good mood, "Your majesty, I was just wondering if you'd like to take your ale in your room instead? A bath is being prepared for you. We can meet for dinner afterwards."

"That sounds good." Jared answered her, but quickly turned his attentions back to the girl in front of him. He bowed again to her and she curtsied in return, "Until then, my lady." And he strolled out while he still could. Honestly, he hadn't wanted to leave just yet to ready. Three minutes with Lady Esmee and he was already desperate to learn more about her.

000

"You've really picked your time to go through a defiant phase!" Catalina practically growled in front of her daughter, who sat on the trunk at the end of her bed, head down to avoid her mother's stare.

"I wasn't being defiant, mother…I just needed some time to pull myself together." Esmee felt no need to lie to her mother, though she wasn't willing to tell her the whole truth. She didn't want to imagine her mother's reaction if she found that Esmee had been running off in the forest to steal kisses with any boy, let alone her betrothed's younger brother. She may have a heart attack right on her bedchamber's floor.

Catalina rubbed her fingers over her forehead, trying to hold onto her patience. She had always taken great pride in her ability to keep her emotions in check, but leave it to her children to be born with the power to test that strength of hers. Or at least it had become children recently; it used to be just one child that drove her to that point. To say she missed her levelheaded daughter would be the understatement of the year.

"I am trying to be understanding here, Esmee." Catalina began once she got her emotions in check, "I know that this has all moved fast and I will admit my fault in not telling you sooner." Esmee held her tongue-in-cheek at that statement, because she agreed wholeheartedly. She should have been told much sooner, "But your father and I wanted you to enjoy a few more months of childhood before we laid the news upon you. Clearly we were wrong in that."

Esmee continued with her silence, like she did during all of her mother's lectures. But she couldn't help feeling the fury slightly rise in her during this one, making it much more difficult to keep her thoughts to herself. Esmee felt trapped in her life, a feeling she had never experienced before. But a life with Blake was the first thing she truly wanted with every beat of her heart that she couldn't have. It made her angry at them that they'd take away-even unknowing-the life she wanted so intensely when she had rarely asked for anything before. Then it made her mad at herself, because she felt like a spoiled brat. Her emotions were creating a riot within her, but no one knew but herself.

"Esmee, we need you to do this for Kenon." Catalina pleaded, which made Esmee's head shoot up quickly at the vulnerability in her mother's tone, "I know that it isn't fair, but it's the simple truth. We cannot guarantee peace any other way." Catalina gave her daughter a slight smile before continuing, "Besides, you get to become queen and with the way the king looked at you upon your meeting he is already quite infatuated with you."

Esmee gaped at her mother, not believing for one minute the devastatingly handsome ruler could be infatuated with little-ole-her, "I think you're imagining things, mother."

"Oh no I'm not, dear." She answered, her smile broadening in remembrance, "He nearly lost that regal composure of his the second his eyes landed upon you. That's no mean feat, if what I've heard about him is true."

Esmee shook her head, "He could have any woman he wants. I'm just the woman that can bring an easy peace between our families."

"Don't sell yourself short, daughter. You have many fine qualities both in appearance and more importantly in personality. He's the lucky one to have grabbed you up in marriage." Esmee gave her mother a smile at the complete change of tune she was singing. She appreciated these words after hearing repeatedly that she should be feel lucky to become queen, when that was never a job Esmee had ever considered wanting let alone actually having.

"Come." Catalina demanded, holding her hand out to her daughter, who took it and stood, "Let's put your hair up and change your dress. I'll imagine he'll trip over himself over that." Esmee laughed and decided to indulge her mother. She did feel slightly better after all.

000

Esmee peaked over the banister, down towards lower level of the foyer. Jared hadn't noticed her, as he seemed quite focused on the painting of a beautiful blonde siren laying next a shipwreck. There were many paintings that lined the foyer-as her family seemed to have passed on their love for art with each generation-but of course _this_ painting was the one that caught his eye. Esmee rolled her eyes, thinking all men are the same. Every male guest the Kenon's ever had seemed to need to deeply contemplate that painting; and though innocent, Esmee wasn't quite naive enough not to notice.

Esmee's feet were as soft as her voice, making it easy for her to glide across the floor and down the long, wide stairs without him noticing. She walked right up behind him and though he hadn't heard her he sensed the presence behind him and he slowly turned around.

Esmee gracefully folded her body into a low curtsey again, as Jared's eyes raked over her bowed head. Her hair had been pulled back, and then small sections braided and twisted around into an elegant coif that was held by a tight, jeweled net.

He asked her to rise with a tight voice and he wondered briefly what was wrong with him. It's not as if he had never seen a beautiful woman before. Then her face turned up towards him and he seized existing for a minute again. With the signs of tears gone and her hair pulled back to show off her full face, she was even more beautiful than before.

Along with her hair she had changed her dress. This one was dark blue silk; cut deeper than the last to show off cleavage, though not too risqué like most of the women of the court, where they were near falling out of their dress. While Jared had enjoyed those dresses immensely since he hit puberty, something about this girl's modesty captivated him even more.

_So she is beautiful_, he thought, _that's a bonus I wasn't particularly expecting._

Jared offered his arm to her as he asked, "May I escort you to dinner?"

Esmee was reluctant at first to touch him, feeling she was betraying Blake even though he hadn't responded to her plea for help. But she wrapped her hand around the crook of his arm anyway, knowing it would be insulting if she was to deny him. Besides he was to be her husband after all.

Jared noticed her hesitation and wondered why she seemed so cautious around him. Was she like this with everyone? Or was it just him that made her nervous?

She walked silently next to him as they made their way to the great hall and when he glanced down at her he could almost see the thoughts tumbling around in her head, though he couldn't even fathom a guess as to what they were about.

Not knowing anything about his betrothed, his mind had come up with many assumptions as to what awaited him on his way to Kenon. But he hadn't been prepared to be as interested in Lady Esmee once he came face to face with her. Yet, here he was becoming more and more curious with her by the minute. He wanted to know what secrets she kept behind that seemingly quiet mouth of hers.

The Lord and Lady of the manor were already in the hall when the couple walked in. They both rose to greet them and bowed to him. He waved off the gesture, pulling a chair back to help his betrothed into her seat, then ignoring the head of the table, chose the seat directly next to Esmee. Ronen raised his brows towards his wife at Jared's gesture, making sure neither the king nor his daughter noticed. Catalina smirked knowingly as she took her seat.

Plates were brought out and everyone but Esmee dug into the delicious masterpieces, made specifically for the arrival of the king. Esmee couldn't stomach the thought of food though, sitting so close to the king that she'd be marrying in just a little more than a month. The king who's brother held her heart and she longed to be sharing this meal with. Esmee was disgusted with herself and felt as if she was betraying everyone in the situation. She was sure if she took a single bite her heartache and shame would make her become sick all over the table, which her mother probably wouldn't appreciate.

"May I ask where Lord Nolan is?" Jared asked abruptly, taking everyone by surprise. No members of the Kenon family thought he would notice the absence of the heir, let alone his name.

"He has gone to acquaint himself with the masters of the smaller villages for the summer to prepare himself to become lord." Ronen answered easily.

Esmee choked back a laugh at that glorified version of what her brother was doing. He had left a month prior in a huff after his thousandth lecture on his responsibility as heir, saying if he was to become lord soon he was going to have some fun first and brazenly admitted his plans for a summer of drinking and cavorting around the country; turning their father a surprising shade of purple.

"That's unfortunate." Jared said, "I was looking forward to seeing him again."

"You know Nolan?" Esmee asked, turning to Jared.

Jared turned to her, happy to hear her voice. She had been completely silent the entire dinner so far. "Yes, I had met him a few times while he was in warrior training. He actually became quite good friends with my brother, Blake at the time."

Esmee felt as if someone had hit her in the stomach when he spoke that name. Hearing it out loud was even more painful for her, especially out of her soon-to-be-husband's mouth. The way he said it made it sound so familiar to him, which of course it was since Blake was his younger brother. But hearing that connection, having it confirmed, brought back the agony of what she was giving up to the front of her mind again.

She didn't know how she would be able to move on from Blake and be the dutiful wife to Jared that Kenon needed her to be, when she'd be so close to him; living in the same home, but never being able to acknowledge her love for him. It would be even more miserable than what she's been experiencing the past two weeks and that was something she wasn't prepared for.

Jared must have read something on her face, because he turned fully to her and asked sincerely, "Are you alright, my lady?"

She couldn't look at him, not with the family resemblance, so she looked down the table at her mother, who seemed genuinely concerned. Though if she was concerned for her daughter's welfare or that she'd mess up the betrothal, Esmee wasn't sure.

Esmee took a deep breath, that she was sure was lost on no one, but risked it anyways knowing she wouldn't be able to speak without a catch in her voice if she didn't find the composure it brought and turned to Jared finally, "I'm fine, your majesty. I'm afraid I've just been dealing with a headache all day and it's becoming quite worse." Esmee cringed inwardly at the lie. She had never been a liar before and she had had to several times today. She didn't like the person she was turning into in this difficult situation.

"Would you like me to escort you back to your chambers so you can lie down?" Jared asked, realizing what he said the moment after it came out of his mouth. Betrothed or not it was entirely improper for him to ask such a thing in front of her parents. He wasn't one to normally blurt anything out and always kept a level head. Clearly his nerves were getting the better of him.

_Great_, he thought, _now they probably thinking I want to ravish their daughter._ It didn't help him that once the thought ran through his head he began picturing doing just that to her, making him feel like a pig. He was in front of the girl's parents for Godssake and she was clearly quite upset over something (though he highly doubted it was a headache) and he was thinking of ravishing her now. Jared wasn't impressed with _himself_ at the moment, he could fully understand if Esmee and her parents weren't either.

"That won't be necessary, your majesty." Esmee answered, saving him from the embarrassment of a response from her parents, "I think I'll be fine." She gave a small smile, turning back to her uneaten food with faux interest.

Jared was certainly intrigued.

**Let me know what you think so far! =)**


	3. Chapter 2

Esmee was always one to live by the motto of "early to bed, early to rise" but even she wasn't normally up at this ridiculous hour. Her thoughts didn't seem to be able to give her rest though and she had only been able to fall into a semi-unconscious sleep the night before.

She doubted any of the household servants were awake yet and deciding there was no need to disturb her maid when she'd already have more work than normal with the King's arrival, Esmee began to wash herself in the small water basin by her bed; happy for once to have prickling cold water to wash in that would erase the grogginess she felt. After she was satisfied with her hygiene she began to braid her hair on each side of her head and tied it pack into a single pony tail at the nape of her neck. Then she picked out a simple lilac dress that she could put on with no extra help and slipped on her worn boots she frequently tracked through the woods in.

Grabbing her favorite cloak made of a royal purple fabric, she snapped her fingers at her dog then pointed to her side; silently commanding Pyre to follow her out of the house. The wolf bounded from his spot at the floor of her bed; face alight with simple animal joy at being able to have his morning walk early.

The only sound made as the two of them walked through the house and out the back door which led to the forest was Pyre's claws hitting the wooden floors. Esmee's feet were quiet as always, almost as if she had the ability to float. This gift of hers had always been handy when she wanted to steal away to the forest at night, which her parents had always forbidden in fear of what might happen to their daughter out in the dense expanse of woodland at night and alone. But as understanding to her parents' requests as Esmee always tried to be the forest was her sanctuary when she needed moments alone in silence.

Esmee began to wonder what kind of sanctuary she would have once she was wed to Jared and living at the castle. Though she had never been to the castle herself before, her brother told stories of what it was like during the day with the court always bustling in the grand hall. Nobles spent all day socializing with one another in there and frequently stayed for the dinner as well.

Esmee liked that thought the least. Dinner at Kenon was their main time as a family, without much interference. It had always been her coveted hour in the day that she could spend with her parents and brother as nothing more than relatives. The rest of the day was spent running the estate and though Esmee understood how important that was, the respite dinner brought reminded them all that they were more than just political figures. But how would she have that with a bustling court reminding her she was a lady? Or a Queen (as she would be shortly)?

Brushing her hands against a large oak tree, feeling the harsh bark under her fingers; she began to realize there would be much more than just Blake she'd be giving up for her role as Queen. Briefly the thought of not being able to spend much time with the children she would bear because of her duties saddened her. But she quickly back tracked, trying to think of anything but _that_. She had wanted to have Blake's children not Jared's. Plus she had had that talk with her mother once she became of marriageable years and overheard much gossip about the act from the servants and village girls to know about the process of making those said babies. Her stomach clenched and turned over just thinking about doing _that_ with anyone other than the man she loved.

Sighing deeply, wondering how she'd every go through with this betrothal, she fell against the tree trunk, suddenly no longer possessing the energy to continue with her walk.

"You're an early riser." A deep voice spoke behind her, causing her to jump and let out a squeak that made her sound like a frightened child.

"You scared me." Esmee replied before remembering her manners and curtsied, "I'm sorry, your majesty."

He reached past her cloak and grasped her fist that was holding tightly onto the skirt of the dress and brought her to a rise. "There's no need to stand on ceremony for me, Lady Esmee." He stated, looking curiously at her downturned head and wondered what it would take to break through the demure girl's defenses, "You are to become my wife; formalities don't quite seem important."

Esmee worried her bottom lip with her front teeth at this, his words hitting her in the gut and mixing with the sickening feeling that seemed to be a permanent presence since finding out that she was promised to the king.

He noticed her discomfort, but before he could ask she spoke, "I suppose you are right. But then I insist that you call me simply Esmee."

She braved a look up and met his dark brown eyes, thinking again how handsome he was. _His family clearly knew how to breed well_, she thought as images of Blake's face ran through her mind. Esmee caught herself briefly pulling her eyes from his and down his body quickly, before raising her eyes back to his gaze. Jared was tall and broad shouldered even more so than his younger brother she thought. Though she wasn't quite sure since she hadn't seen the two of them together; not that that was something she was particularly in a rush to experience. Esmee couldn't fathom what that would do to her already splitting heart.

They both stood there staring at one another for a long moment, her trying desperately to count his differences from his brother's so she could begin down the path of faithful wife; and him trying-as he had since he first looked into her red ringed eyes the night before-to figure out what kind of personality laid hidden underneath her quiet and collected domineer.

"I would be honored to call you Esmee, if you would do me the honor of calling me Jared and greet me as a friend and not a monarch." He said finally, his eyes pinned to hers, marveling at the unique color they were.

Esmee attempted a smile that didn't fool Jared for one minute, but he indulged her by returning a smirk, "I can agree to that."

Before either could speak again a low growl came from behind Esmee. She turned around quickly, the hood of her clock falling and her pony tail whipping with her head. Just that simple movement captivated Jared and he wondered for the hundredth time since seeing her the night before why he was so enthralled by this young woman. He supposed it could be from the lack of women he had had since becoming king, being too busy for such activities as he was now.

He came back down to earth and remembered the growl, but by that point Esmee had already stepped toward the culprit; a large, black wolf, who's lips were pulled back in a menacing snarl. He reached for the sword he held in his belt, calling her name, but she walked right up to the beast; who seemed none too interested in her at the moment but Jared.

Jared went to grab her away from the vicious animal, but she surprised him by kneeling down next to the wolf and speaking quietly to him; words under the breath that Jared could barely hear, "Shh. He's not hurting me. Be nice." Was all he could make out as she soothed the animal's hair on the nape of its neck with long, gentle strokes. She knew the wolf that was for certain. He was beginning to realize there were many more pieces to the puzzle that his soon-to-be-wife was than he could ever have imagined.

Once Esmee was able to calm the dark wolf to the point where its lips fell back over its teeth and the growls subsided, she stood and faced Jared, a protective hand still placed on the wolf's head. She looked even more fragile next to the large animal whose back hit the top of her waist, right under her breasts; but at the same time he saw strength, a warrior queen soothing and protecting her beast of a pet. Esmee was a walking contradiction.

"I am sorry for that; he can be a bit protective at times." Esmee looked back down upon the wolf, smiling; a real smile he noticed, the first he had seen her give. The wolf's head turned up to her, waiting for direction much like a devoted dog not a wild animal, "Go ahead and say hello, Pyre; nicely this time."

The wolf walked cautiously up to Jared and he didn't quite trust the look in the wolf's golden eyes; but looking up at Esmee, who didn't seem nervous at all over the animal's approach, he figured he was safe.

Jared held his hand out for the beast to sniff, like he would do when meeting a new hunting hound, though he wasn't quite sure if the rules applied with wolves. The animal put his nose against the hand though to inspect him, just like a regular dog.

Jared looked back up at Esmee again, who was still smiling, staring at the wolf, "A wolf is an interesting choice in pets."

Esmee tore her eyes from the wolf and met his glance, "I suppose he is, but I couldn't ask for a better companion."

She walked closer to the two of them and Jared could smell the slight hint of calming lavender on her skin. He knew the only reason she was standing near to him voluntarily was to be close to her wolf, but he found he didn't quite care what the reason was, as long as he could keep experiencing this. Being so near to her that he felt as if he was touching her; a sensation he had never beheld before.

"His name's Pyre." Esmee said, "I've had him for six years, since he was a pup." She reached down to pet the wolf on his furry head and Jared watched her thin fingers run through the hair with longing.

"How did you procure such a pet?" Jared asked, still transfixed by the sight of her gentle hands.

Esmee stood straight and turned to continue with her walk, gesturing with her hand for Jared to join her. The wolf bounded next to his master's side and Jared began to understand Esmee's love for the beast; he was clearly a fierce but loyal animal, who unconditionally loved her.

Esmee eventually answered Jared's question, though she rather not think about the day she obtained her beloved pet, "There was a fire in the woods and I found him wandering, crying for his mother. I found her body and the body of his siblings soon enough. They were dead." She said this simply, though the brutal images in her head left her feeling anything but simple or candid.

She straightened her spine a bit and moved slightly more to the right, away from Jared; the son of King Adan, as the memories of a corrupt monarch played vividly inside of her. Though so far Jared didn't seem like the monster his father was, she didn't know him well enough to truly make a conscious judgment on that. Besides, he was his father's son, and with what they say about the apple not falling far from the tree, she knew she should be careful. _But_, she then thought, _what about Blake? He certainly wasn't anything like his father._

"Are forest fires common here?" Jared asked. He had only heard of one breaking out here before, a few years prior; and though he hadn't witnessed it, he didn't like to think much about it or the way it was told to him in a gloating fashion.

It took her a long minute to answer the question, feeling as if she was walking on a rocky ridge, not sure what she could or could not say to the man walking next to her. Finally she settled on, "No, it's not common at all. The locals know how to prevent such occurrences."

Esmee walked faster, suddenly wanting to be far away from him. She knew she shouldn't punish him for his father's actions and felt guilty for not being able to give him the same chance she had given Blake. But Blake hadn't asked any questions that would bring up the memories of an insulted king burning down a master's village in Kenon simply because he _could_.

Esmee had only been eleven at the time, but she had been determined to help with the aftermath of the incident and her parents in their grief and anger, didn't think to spare their young daughter the images when she asked; possibly wanting her to see the destruction of a wicked king, so she would understand their next actions. So the Lord and Lady of Kenon allowed her to ride out with them to help the small village; they allowed her to witness the burned buildings, homes, trees, and worst of all the bodies.

Jared mulled over her carefully chosen words and studied her face. It became apparent very quickly to him that the one fire he knew of was the one fire she had seen in her forest; the one that brought her loyal, dark companion into her life. He saw her posture go rigid and he could tell she was holding in her anger. He knew how she felt, he had been angry as well when it happened, along with many more incidents that escaladed as his father became more and more lost each year.

He suspected she feared Jared was a younger copy of his father. He couldn't blame her for that assumption, as wrong as it was. He doubted she thought highly of any members of the royal family, being the daughter of Kenon. But even with this understanding he felt a pinch of pain as he found himself starting to sincerely like the woman he was engaged to. This should have brought him a sense of comfort, but instead it troubled him; fearing that it may take her a long while to trust him, with his father's past hanging over their shoulders.

"So will you allow me to keep him?" Esmee asked suddenly, changing the subject much to Jared's relief.

He looked over at her, puzzled and asked "Who?"

"Pyre." She answered, once again placing a protective hand upon the head of the wolf that walked beside her.

Jared had a sudden flash of a scene with his mother meeting the wild animal (domesticated by his betrothed or not) and finding out he would be living in her castle with her. His mother already kept no pets herself, having zero patience for such things. Dogs were used in the castle for either guarding or hunting. The Dowager Queen of Thidon would never understand Esmee's need for an animal companion.

Esmee sensed his apprehension and felt a surge of panic run through her spine. Her mother had had a long talk with her before bed the night before about her expectations in her new role and part of the lecture was spent preparing Esmee for the possibility that her husband might not want a wolf living in the castle. Catalina assured her daughter if it were the case that Pyre would always have a home in Kenon and she would personally see that he was well cared for in her absence. But it did little to comfort Esmee at the horrid thought of losing her best friend, along with her other dreams.

"Please, your majesty." Esmee slipped back into formalities unconsciously in her desperation to keep her pet, "He is a good dog" _Wolf_, Jared thought but held his tongue, "and very little trouble. Pyre wouldn't get in anybody's way, I swear."

She was nearly frantic with her speech and it caught Jared off guard. This certainly wasn't the calm quiet girl he had known so far. He realized then that when she truly cared for something or someone, she'd passionately fight for it. Jared admired that greatly, thinking it was a blessed trait to have in a queen and the mother of his children. In that moment he couldn't find it in his heart to deny her plea. _She could certainly have asked much more of him than this_, Jared thought and it was true. He already felt that he had lucked out tenfold with having her as the one he blindly promised himself to.

"Of course you can keep him." He answered simply, as if he hadn't needed to take a moment to think over the request.

Esmee's facial expression turned into relieved glee, knowing that she would at least be able to have Pyre for comfort while in an unfamiliar environment. Jared decided the look on her face would have been worth a thousand wild wolves in his home.

000

Catalina greeted her daughter and the King in the foyer the following morning with the pose and grace of any noble woman. Esmee and Jared stood a couple of his shoulder widths a part, which she suspected was her daughter's doing. A twinge of guilt hit her heart knowing that this was an uncomfortable situation for her shy daughter. But in the short period of time she had spent with Jared, she knew he would take care of Esmee to the best of his abilities.

Esmee ignored the bustle of servants going in and out of the door as her mother approached her, her father close behind on her heels. Esmee was able to muster them up a small smile in assurances that she would be okay. Though her parents weren't ones to voice their feelings outwardly, she knew they loved her and would feel their own loneliness when she left; especially with her elder brother gone at the moment as well.

Catalina and Ronen addressed the King formerly as they approached, "I wish you well on your journey home, Your Majesty." Ronen said after he rose from his bow.

"We enjoyed your visit immensely, Your Majesty." Catalina added, smiling at the tall monarch before her, "Please come again any time you would like a respite from the castle of Thidon."

Jared gave Catalina one of his closed mouth smirk that tugged up on one side more than the other, that Esmee had begun to realize was the only way he smiled. It hadn't taken her very long to realize her husband was quite a reserved and serious man. It unnerved her a bit, because she didn't know what to expect from him, never having any evidence of his thoughts or feelings.

"I will most certainly take you up on that offer, My Lady." He answered her, bringing her hand to his mouth for a polite kiss, "I find Kenon to be a breath of fresh air and I wish I had more time to stay during this visit." Jared was sincere in his answer; he truly found the forest countryside to be relaxing and beautiful. If it wasn't too dangerous to leave his position at the castle with the country in such a fragile state at the moment, he would have gladly stayed longer.

Jared looked over at his betrothed, who had remained silent so far and thought she deserved a goodbye with her family that didn't involve courtesy to a monarch, "I'll leave you three alone to say your goodbyes." He offered, and then turning fully to Esmee said, "I'll wait for you in the carriage. Take as much time as you'd like."

"Thank you." Esmee replied to Jared with a smile that he met with his smirk, then he turned to walk out the door.

With no one to witness now, both Catalina and Esmee broke out in tears and reached for one another. Catalina enfolded her youngest child in her arms, wishing she could prolong the goodbye for a few years, not the least bit ready accept her child was a grown woman. It wasn't just Esmee who was sacrificing for the good of the kingdom.

"Did you say goodbye to Hally?" Catalina asked, still holding her daughter tightly, rubbing circles on her back in comfort.

She felt Esmee nod against her shoulder and sniffled before answering, "Yes, early this morning. I'm going to miss you all so much." Esmee's voice broke on the last word again and another flood of tears escaped her eyes.

"Oh, beloved," Catalina's voice filled with a sob as well, "You have no idea how much I shall miss you."

Catalina pulled back slightly to raise Esmee's face to look directly at hers, brushing a tendril of her daughter's hair that escaped her net and onto her face, behind her ear, "Now, you promise me you will hold your head up while there." Catalina demanded, remembering the few visits to the court she had had in her life and the kind of feigns that would feast upon any weakness they saw in her daughter for no other reason than petty jealousy, "You are a _Kenon_ and soon you will be Queen, you look down for _no one_."

Esmee nodded, calming herself down enough that the tears no longer flowed freely down her face, "I promise."

"Good." Catalina answered with a sad smile then kissed her daughter's forehead.

Ronen stood by them now opening his arms for an embrace with his daughter as well. Esmee smiled up at her father and folded herself into his strong arms, "Your mother's right, you should hold your head high always; you are a selfless girl and soon will be the truest of queens Thidon has ever had. Never forget who you are for a second, no matter what happens."

Esmee looked up at her father and nodded, bittersweet joy filling her heart. She had always wanted her parents' approval and pride and in this moment she realized she had it.

Pulling apart from him, she pulled out a handkerchief, walking over to a mirror on the foyer's wall and began to dab at her eyes; willing herself to look presentable for her betrothed that waited just out front. Esmee was able to erase the dampness, but there was nothing she could do about the puffy, red eyes. Hoping Jared would ignore it; she turned back around towards her parents before she lost the last of her resolve and nailed herself to the walls of Kenon.

"I'm ready." She stated simply, walking back to her father and mother, hugging and kissing them both one last time before turning to walk out the door.

Jared had waited by the door of the carriage, giving a guard instructions; he dismissed him quickly though once he laid eyes on his betrothed walking down the steps. Lord Ronen and Lady Catalina appeared in the doorway, both bowing to him in a final goodbye and he nodded towards them, before turning his eyes back to Esmee and her heartbroken appearance.

Sensing that she wasn't in a talkative mood he simply bowed to her; then opened the carriage himself, ignoring the groom waiting. He helped her up the steps, following her in; she attempted a wan smile, then situated herself as close to the open window as possible, watching the only home she had ever known pass her by.


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's note: **Hello to my new followers and my first reviewer! I appreciate the support. Hope you enjoy this next chapter =)

They made faster time than Jared had originally been expecting since he had assumed his betrothed would need to camp out during the night. Esmee surprised him by informing Jared there was no need to stop for her sake. If the guards and groomsmen were tired she understood; but to stop solely for her was silly, as she was perfectly comfortable with napping in the carriage. Jared's opinion of her rose again higher.

So by mid-morning the next day, the carriage pulled up to the large white, stoned court yard of the castle. Esmee sat awestruck for a moment, looking up at the large structure before her. She couldn't even hazard a guess as to how many stories it had in total. Her whole life she thought she lived grandly at Kenon and the Kenon manor could fit in the courtyard of this magnificent structure.

Esmee supposed most girls would be giddy with the prospect of living in such a home, but the imposing sight in front of her made her nervous and much like an ignorant country girl. _How would she ever fit in here?_ She thought, nervously; biting her lip. She repeated her mother and father's words in her head to comfort herself; and finally was able to look across the carriage, towards her soon-to-be-husband, with her head held high.

Jared gave her a wry smile before asking, "Are you ready?" Having not missed the anxious expression on her face.

Scared that her voice may shake and display her nerves, she opted for a nod in answer. With one knock on the top of the carriage, a dutiful groomsman appeared and opened the door swiftly. Jared climbed out first, so he could personally hold her hand as she stepped down the carriage steps.

Esmee looked up to a wide platform in the middle of the stairs, to where a pale, middle aged woman who shared Jared's dark auburn hair-only hers was streaked with grey-stood with regal superiority. Next to her was a beautiful, gangly, girl who looked very much like a younger, though taller version of the woman next to her.

Esmee didn't need to ask who they were, the evidence as clear before her eyes as any explanation. She dropped herself into a low curtsey that the Dowager Queen acknowledged with a slight bow to the head. Then before she could quite grasp the overwhelming and panicky feelings she was experiencing, Jared was offering her his arm and leading her up the steps.

The Dowager Queen Eveline, looked her soon-to-be daughter in law up and down slowly, making sure to take her all in; though her facial expression gave none of her feelings away; another trait she shared with her eldest son.

The Princess Augustina on the other hand was doing all she could not to jump up and down in her velvet slippers, she was so excited to learn more about her new sister. Having had grown up with three older brothers the prospects that Esmee brought with her were quite enchanting in Augustina's eyes.

"Lady Esmee," Jared began, slipping into formalities, "This is my mother, the Dowager Queen Eveline and my sister, Princess Augustina." Esmee curtsied again to both women, though this time a simple lowering as opposed to the full one at the bottom of the steps.

Augustina jumped in before her mother could speak, much to Eveline's dismay, "Only don't call me that! My name is much too long, my family and friends call me Stina."

Esmee smiled at the girl, liking her bubbly personality instantly, but before she could answer the Dowager Queen Eveline spoke; though not until she gave a harsh look to her youngest child, "I am pleased to meet you at last Lady Esmee." She gestured behind her to the large doors, spanning at least two stories high behind them, "Come I shall bring you to your chambers and introduce you to your staff."

Just then a large black shadow leapt up from a step a few below the foursome and directly landed next to Esmee's side; ready to protect from the new place if need be. The stoic expression that had plagued Eveline's face the entire conversation slipped into horror as she looked upon the beast that stood next to her future daughter-in-law.

Jared had to hold back a smirk at his mother's expression, the one he had foreseen when Esmee first brought up her desire to bring her pet with her. Saving Esmee from having to explain the wolf herself, knowing that his mother would take his command much more to heart than his betrothed who was still only a lady, he explained, "That would be Pyre."

"Who?" his mother asked, her revulsion causing her brain to not quite grasp what he had said.

"The wolf." Jared stated simply, this time not being able to curb the desire to smile, though he quickly controlled himself afterwards. Esmee had noticed though and she had to the sudden urge to giggle, "He's Lady Esmee's pet. He'll be living with her in her chambers."

His mother finally tore her gaze from the wolf and looked sharply at her son, "Pardon?"

"Pyre will be living here with his master, my _wife_." He exaggerated the word as a way of informing his mother without actually stating-an action he worried would embarrass Esmee-that this was his decision and he would not be swayed.

Eveline made to say something, but her daughter beat her to it as she began to gush, "Oh he's beautiful! May I pet him?" she directed at Esmee, not nearly as ignorant to her mother's aversion as she appeared.

"Yes, Your Highness." Esmee answered, smiling at the girl, "He's quite friendly."

Stina stepped towards the wolf and held her hand out pet the top of his head between the ears. Pyre, like any normal dog, despite his wild roots, fell into the caress, happy to make a new friend. "He's so sweet! What an exotic pet to have! I wish I could have a wolf."

Eveline about choked on air at that statement, though everyone chose to ignore her.

Esmee smiled sweetly at Stina, "While since I am living here now, I suppose he is quite like your pet as well? I can already tell he'll welcome your companionship at any time."

Just like that Stina had decided his brother had finally found the perfect woman for him.

000

"Shall I escort you to your chambers now, Lady Esmee?" Eveline interrupted the petting fest in front of her, as two of her children and the new lady of the house stood around the beast; giving him much affection and making small talk with one another on the subject of him.

Esmee stood up straight, looking at her future mother in law and the barely suppressed annoyance Eveline's posture gave off. Feeling slightly dissatisfied that their first meeting wasn't going well, she agreed politely. Stina shocked her when she linked their arms and began to lead her up the stairs and through the door; talking about how much fun they were going to have together in the city and openly expressing her desire to have a sister her whole life, overjoyed at finally having her wish come true. Esmee hoped she wouldn't fail in this young girl's fantasy.

Jared pulled his mother closer to him, making sure Esmee was out of earshot before asking "Where is Blake?" he hissed. Though he didn't blame his mother and shouldn't have said the words in such an accusing tone, he was frustrated with his younger brother's blatant disregard for the few duties he had, "Him not being here to greet my new wife along with the family is unabashed act of disrespect."

His mother sighed, rubbing her fingers across her forehead, "I honestly do not know, Jared. I haven't seen him all day." She looked up directly in her son's eyes, the one's he inherited from her, "But do not worry I will reprimand his behavior once I do catch up with him. Thankfully, your betrothed doesn't seem the type to care much for formalities. I doubt that she felt offended."

"I hope that wasn't an insult to her, Mother." Jared growled out, shocking his mother quite a bit. She didn't normally see this side of him unless it involved frustrating matters of their country.

"On the contrary, I found her quite lovely." Eveline answered truthfully, "Though I can tell she's going to need some training on court life."

"She's fine the way she is." Jared countered, the rage still in his voice.

Eveline raised her eyebrows at this, her curiosity peaking. She wanted to ask her son many questions about his stay at Kenon now and more importantly about his interactions with the girl. But she knew it was pointless, as Jared would never tell her. So instead she simply nodded and turned to follow the girls inside.

000

The three women slowly made their way around the massive castle (Pyre tucked close to Esmee's waist as if to become another limb); both the Princess and the Queen pointed out various areas that Esmee couldn't even hope to remember. She felt as if someone had plucked her up and set her into a luxurious, indoor labyrinth. She'd probably need a servant to show her the way around for at least a few months before she memorized the hallways.

"You'll be formally introduced to the court at a ball in your honor tomorrow night. I've already had a dress made for you and a seamstress will come this afternoon for you to be fitted. You're much smaller than I thought you would be." The Dowager Queen stated with a bit of derision seeping into her tone.

Esmee ignored the jab, but was secretly offended by the Dowager Queen's unkind assessment of her size. Esmee knew she had inherited her mother's petite frame, but never once had she been insulted for it. If this was a taste of life in court Esmee could understand why her mother so passionately requested she keep her head held high.

"That sounds lovely, Your Majesty." Esmee chose to only acknowledge the part about the ball, so the Dowager Queen would get no satisfaction out of Esmee's hurt, not realizing that she answered just the way Eveline had hoped she would.

Eveline stopped in front of two grand, wooden doors painted a glossy white. The footman waiting outside of it, quickly bowed to the women and opened the doors for them; making Esmee wonder fleetingly if members of the court here did anything for themselves. She quickly admonished herself though for such thoughts that judged people she didn't even know.

Esmee expected her chambers to be beyond the wall, but instead was met with another wide hallway. A few doors down another set of two doors sat, though shorter than the last and these Eveline placed her hands to push open herself. Before finishing the action though she turned to point to the end of the long hall, far away from them and said "That's the King's private chambers are down there. Once you become his Queen you'll be moved to the ones on his left. This here," she said, gesturing to the door she stood at, "will be yours until then. After you've married and have begun to bear children this set of chambers along with the other two will be used to house your young children until they're old enough to have their own wing."

Esmee's eyes almost popped out of her head. _Her children would have their own wings?_ She thought her simple one roomed bedchamber at home was more than she had needed as a child. _How cold and lonely would it have been to sleep so far away from family? _She didn't like the thought of her children being in a different section of her home.

Before Esmee could answer, Eveline opened one of the doors and stepped in, as Esmee and Stina followed. Esmee tried not to gape, but failed. The sitting area they walked into was beautiful and homey, unlike the rest of the castle she had seen so far. Directly in front of her was a small hearth, made of white marble; on each side of fireplace there were two large windows, opened and allowing sunlight fill the room. There was a simple, low couch and two matching chairs in a light shade of pink, a color Esmee wasn't particularly fond of, but looked comfortable nonetheless. To her left there were two doors that stood open, showing a bedchamber with a large four poster bed, made of light wood and piled with light, blue silk bedding.

Before the three women, stood a waiting staff who quickly dropped into low curtsies and bows upon their arrival. "This will be your personal staff." Eveline began and Esmee wondered why one woman would need so many people to care for her, "Your ladies-in-waiting: Soina ,Alace, and Hazel." All three of the women curtsied again after the introduction, eying Esmee and Pyre specifically; though their faces gave nothing away of what they thought after their assessment. Esmee began to feel as if she was on exhibit.

Eveline gestured to the next group of women, dressed in simple garbs, announcing their station as servants, "These will be your handmaidens." Pointing to the first one in the line she continued, "She's your first handmaiden, Lanie. She'll run your chambers and oversee all your needs from rise to bed." Eveline didn't bother to introduce the other handmaidens, apparently finding them unimportant; along with the rest of the servants; two foot men, and three guards (who Esmee learned would be accompanying her whenever she went out in public, making her even more uneasy in her new role).

"Well…" Eveline said, turning back to face Esmee, "We'll leave you to become situated and rest after your long journey. Dinner will be at seven. Your ladies will help you ready and escort you to the hall. If you find yourself needing anything please do not hesitate to send a footman to me."

As Eveline began to walk towards the door in her regal grace, Stina chose a warmer goodbye, wrapping her arms around Esmee tightly. Esmee was caught off guard for a moment by the display of affection from a girl she had only met less than an hour before, but found herself reciprocating nonetheless.

"Welcome home." Stina said, smiling brightly as she turned to follow her mother out the doors. Esmee smiled at the girl, not wanting to her hurt her feelings, but on the inside cringed at that word. _H_ome? _This was not her home. _And Esmee found herself speculating how this could be anyone's home, so marveling and formal it was.

She couldn't help herself contemplating what her future with Blake would have been like here and whether if it was him she was to marry, if they would have had the opportunity to leave and make their own home elsewhere. Esmee assumed so, knowing there was no real need for a prince to stay in the clutches of court. Besides, what of the other brother in the family that Blake had only mentioned once or twice? He lived abroad, traveling around the world in a ship. Working as some kind of ambassador, Esmee thought; though she never quite got the whole story. Blake rarely talked about his family and most of the conversations she had gotten out of him on the subject ran around his annoyance with his elder brother.

Esmee looked back at her staff, inhaling deeply for a moment, while petting Pyre; searching for some bit of comfort in the eyes of curious faces. Realizing quickly none of them would speak to her first, she began herself, feeling incredibly uncomfortable, "I think I'm going to take a nap." Esmee stated plainly, beginning her dismissal. She didn't quite get that far before people began to bustle about.

Lanie had nodded to the two footmen, who in return bowed to Esmee, "We'll be right outside the door if you should need any assistance, My Lady." Then they took their leave, long with the three guardsmen who also bowed on their way out.

"Come, My Lady." Her lady-in-waiting, Sonia said turning on her heal towards the chamber with the bed; perfectly curled light brown hair, swaying impeccably as she turned around. The other two Alace who was slightly shorter than the other two, with light blonde hair and sparkling green eyes; and Hazel, the dark haired and olive skin toned beauty; turned with her after providing their new lady dazzling smiles that didn't seem all that genuine. Esmee followed them nonetheless, truly exhausted from her trip and the overwhelming experiences the castle had provided so far. Her handmaidens followed closely behind her.

Esmee found herself looking longingly at the bed, easily imagining herself sliding underneath the smooth, warm silks and finding comfort that the day had not provided her so far. She knew there was much more to come with the evening dinner and she wanted to be as well rested for it as possible.

She looked towards the women in her room, "I am in no need of your assistance. You are dismissed."

"Are you sure, my lady?" Lanie asked and Esmee was surprised to hear a sincere mark of concern in her voice. She had to assume the maid hadn't had many charges who did much for themselves, just by what she had witnessed so far.

"Yes, I'll be fine. Please just come and wake me when the seamstress arrives for my fitting." Esmee replied. Her ladies-in-waiting were already curtsying, anxious to leave the room and begin gossiping with other women of the court about woman who would soon be Queen; blessed as they were with the opportunity to be the firsts of the nobility to meet her.

All seven of the women left then and once she heard the doors in the sitting area closing, she turned to the ones in her bed chamber, shutting those as well for an extra sense of privacy. Once the door was closed and Esmee felt at last the ability to breathe, she pulled the net from her hair, placing it gently upon the white vanity at the wall; then turned, beginning to untie the back of her dress.

Suddenly a large hand closed over her mouth and a strong arm wrapped around her torso, forcing her arms painfully into her back; she was dragged back a bit, the attacker flattening himself against the closed door, making sure no one would come in unexpected.

Pyre growled and lunched towards them trying to find a way to grab a hold of the man who had captured his owner and rip him to shreds. "Damn." Esmee heard the curse right next to her ear as the attacker saw the wolf and knew instantly who it was, having that same voice whisper in her ear many times before.

Blake let go of her mouth, but kept his arm wrapped around her chest. Esmee quickly began to shush her pet, hoping to calm the poor animal's state of anxiety, before he seriously hurt Blake, "Shh, Pyre, it's okay." She said calmly, then turned her head slightly, meeting with Blake's chest, "He thinks you're going to harm me; if you don't let go none of my coaxing will stop him from killing you."

Blake released her and Esmee found herself rubbing her arms before walking up to the growling animal, gently petting and soothing him; as she had done when he first laid eyes on Jared in the forest. Once the snarls stopped, Esmee figured Blake was safe enough; though the glint in the wolf's eyes hadn't gone away and he still watched Blake carefully.

Esmee inhaled deeply, gathering the strength for the confrontation to come; then feeling as brave as she ever was going to, turned around to meet Blake's blue eyes.

"I wrote to you." Esmee said calmly, though inside she was raging; all the sorrow of the past two weeks turning into fire in her belly.

"I know." He said, stepping forward and reaching his hand out to her. She stepped back, her arms wrapping defensively around herself. Pyre began to growl again, but Esmee shushed him smoothly and he settled once again; "Esmee…Gods, I'm so sorry." Blake tried again, grief forming over his features.

"Did you love me?" Esmee asked, attempting to sound nonchalant but her voice betrayed her by breaking.

"Of course I did!" Blake said vehemently, "I still do. When you wrote to me and I confirmed it with Jared, my world fell down, Esmee! That's why I wasn't there to greet you today with my family. I couldn't imagine seeing you with…_him._" The last word was said repulsion that it shocked Esmee.

"You expect me to believe that you live here and hadn't yet learned that I was betrothed to your brother?" Esmee wanted to believe just that, but she couldn't imagine how that would be possible.

"It's the truth, Esmee." Blake said passionately, "My family never mentioned anything to me about it. We're not that close, despite our shared blood."

Esmee shook her head, tearing her eyes from Blake, hoping he didn't see the tears stinging her eyes, "You're telling me your brother never once mentioned he was betrothed?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying. He didn't mention anything about you; apparently the marriage didn't much interest him." Esmee was surprised to find that those words actually stung her a bit, though she couldn't fathom why when she didn't want to marry Jared herself.

Blake walked closer to her, brushing his fingers over her jawline. Esmee didn't pull away this time and leaned into the touch, "My love, I would never hurt you; you must know that. _I love you_."

Esmee looked back up into his eyes, pleadingly, "Then please, help me! Tell your family of your feelings, so I can escape this marriage and we'll be free to be together."

Blake sighed, "It's not that simple, Esmee. You know that."

"Why cannot it be?" Esmee knew she sounded desperate, but couldn't control herself.

"Your marriage to Jared will prevent a war. How can we be selfish if that's the case?" he answered.

"Why couldn't a marriage to the prince offer the same benefit? Is that not still an alliance?" Esmee said, voice soft.

"Both sides need more than that, Esmee." He began and his tone began to sound much too condescending Esmee thought, "You are to be a symbol to the crown that better days are ahead of us, that there will be no war with Esterdell, and that Kenon has power. Your parents will never accept anything less and my family would find it an insult that you denied becoming Jared's wife."

"I am not a symbol, I am a person!" Esmee nearly shouted, but controlled herself not wanting guards to storm into the room, "And I am certainly not a child, so you can quit talking to me in that tone." Esmee turned around not wanting to look at him.

She felt his arms her shoulders, and his lips next to her ears, "I'm sorry, Esmee. Come here." He turned her around so she was lying against his chest and at last she let the tears fall, soaking his shirt. He brushed his hands through her hair, kissing the top of her head, "I would give anything to be in his place." Blake said finally, "To have you with me. But for the sake of this fragile kingdom I must let go of such dreams, as you must as well."

Esmee looked up at him and whispered, "I don't know how."

Blake ran his thumbs underneath her eyes to dry them before answering, "I don't either, but we'll have to find away."

They both looked upon one another for a long moment, before Blake lowered his mouth to hers. The kiss was gentle at first, a comforting meeting of lips, but soon the passion that they felt during all their rendezvous in the forest flowed over and the kisses became more demanding. Esmee stood on tiptoes, while Blake held her up by her waist, both delirious and needing to become closer than ever before.

Esmee realized suddenly though what she was doing and the shame hit her like a bucket of ice water; forcing her to quickly push him away. Both attempted to breathe normally again before beginning to speak. Esmee beat him to it, much to her fortune as the words were going to be hard enough to say.

"We cannot do that again, Blake." She wanted to cry again, knowing what she was saying was true, "I may love you, but if I am to take King Jared as my husband than I must not act upon those feelings. I will not be the type of woman to have affairs."

Blake nodded his head in agreement, though he wouldn't meet her eyes, "Yes, you are correct." He answered, "But Esmee…I can't lose you completely. Will we still be able to be friends?"

Esmee wanted to say no, knowing that if they were to be friends it would make the situation that much harder. But the desperation in his voice that reminded her so much of a young boy could not be ignored and she found herself agreeing, despite the warning raging through her head, "Yes, I would like that." She smiled at him and he leaned down to kiss her cheek, a gesture she couldn't find the strength to pull away from despite knowing she should.

"I should go." He said which brought panic into Esmee's eyes.

"I have guards and footmen out of my chambers now, how will you leave without notice?" she asked, frantically looking towards the doors.

Blake smiled at this and grabbed her hand, "Come…let me show you something." He dragged her to the room off her bed chambers that acted as a built in wardrobe. The room was barely fit for one person to stand in, as over the top as it was for clothes (in Esmee's opinion at least), and Esmee had to stand much too close to Blake than she would have liked, knowing she had to control her need to touch him.

"Here." He said, pushing down the seam of the back wall, before she heard a slight creak as wall met stone; then right before her eyes he was able to push the rest of the way and it opened to a dark stairwell that she couldn't see past the third step down. He turned to her smiling, "These were my chambers when I was young. I snuck through this many times to steal treats from the kitchen." A small smile came over Esmee's face as she pictured him as a young child doing just that.

"One day…" he said, breaking into her thoughts, "I'll take you down and show you the various places it leads you." He turned serious all in an instant, "Please don't go down there by yourself until then. I don't want you to become hurt."

Esmee nodded in agreement, finding the passageway already dangerous enough as it was, simply knowing that if she wanted she could have Blake secretly meet her whenever her heart desired with little to no effort. "I promise." She said simply and he answered her with a kiss to the forehead.

"Farewell, Esmee." He said and the tears began to well in her eyes again. Blake stepped into the dark staircase, closing the door behind him and Esmee finally let herself let go, sobbing into her hand as she turned back to her room.

Falling upon the bed without removing her clothes, she cried harder, curling into herself; as Pyre jumped next to her and tried his hardest to comfort her. But there was no comfort for Esmee, knowing now that no matter what she would be marrying Jared and Blake was untouchable.

**Author's note: **I'm just going to apologize now for grammar/spelling mistakes. I've got an awful cold/sore throat and am more than a little drowsy, so I'm sure I missed quite a bit while editing this. Hopefully it's still readable though.

Let me know what you think! I'm going to start on the next chapter tonight.


	5. Chapter 4

The fitting with the seamstress took much longer than Esmee had expected. The Dowager Queen had certainly overestimated Esmee's height and curves, which had her feeling quite self-conscious by the time the fitting was done and the dress was ready to be taken out to be tailored.

Her new ladies-in-waiting decided to join her for the fitting and Esmee found herself becoming progressively more annoyed with the three women who seemed to only wish to giggle and gossip about the entire court. They pressured Esmee greatly into joining them and accepting their opinions at face value, but Esmee only nodded and tried to steer the conversation to anything more productive, much to the ladies' dismay.

Lanie and one of the handmaidens she met earlier that Esmee soon learned was named, Taryn, busied themselves fetching fabric, needles, threads, and measuring tape for the seamstress; along with holding bits and pieces of the dress when needed. The two maids could see the Lady's distress at the gossiping from the ladies-in-waiting mouths', and once they had chosen to finally stop hovering around Lady Esmee and collapsed on the couches and chairs in the sitting area to stuff their faces with wine and pastries; Lanie braved a comforting smile to Esmee, who stood upon a small podium allowing the seamstress better access to the bottom hem of the dress.

Esmee smiled back at her maid, much to Lanie's surprise and then took the maid's feelings further when she asked, "How long have you worked here?"

"Nine years, My Lady." Lanie answered, finding busy work rearranging the seamstress' tools.

"Nine?" Esmee asked, bemused, "You don't look old enough to have been working so long." Then catching herself added, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. That sounded rude."

Lanie couldn't help her eyebrows for rising at the apology and Taryn's face had a similar expression. Neither could ever recall a time any nobility had apologized for a remark and Lanie personally hadn't heard any venom in the young Lady's voice to have been offended by the statement. Lanie figured it was much better to be called too young than too old.

"No apologies necessary, My Lady." Lanie answered quietly, "I've been working in the castle since I was ten."

Esmee nodded, though she was confused as why a girl would be working at the castle so young. In Kenon the youngest servant they had was thirteen. The only work children performed were chores around their homes or farms if they're parents lived on one.

"Who did you work for before now?" Esmee inquired.

"Princess Augustina." Lanie answered, smiling, "I wasn't her first handmaiden though, she already had one before I came around. I was promoted to that position for you."

"You must be good at your job to have landed the position." Esmee stated.

Lanie blushed and answered, "That's not for me so say."

"I'm sorry." Esmee rushed to comfort, "I didn't mean to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable. I meant it as a compliment."

"Oh no, My Lady. There's no need to apologize, please. I wasn't offended; it's just that it's not appropriate for me to gush over my abilities." Lanie said, her nerves wrecking her body, trying to find the right thing to say. Lady Esmee's openness and curiosity was new to her. Though Princess Augustina had been a dream to work for with her politeness and sweet personality, she had never made any attempt at learning about her staff. Lanie couldn't think of a single noble who would for any of their servants.

Lanie found herself standing beside the lady, holding a piece of top layer of the dress up so the seamstress could work on tucking the lower hem in. In this position she was able to meet Esmee's smile in the mirror, "While I'd have to assume you were, despite your lack of 'gushing' as you say." Esmee teased lightly, still smiling, "First handmaiden to the soon-to-be-queen couldn't have been an easy position to land in."

Esmee's smile faded for a moment and her eyes glazed over at the reminder of what her station now was and the life that she had lost. This was not lost on either Lanie or Taryn who glanced at one another with quizzical expressions, wondering what could have caused the aghast that had come over the Lady's face.

Esmee managed to pull herself together again, not a moment later and spoke; voice forced light, "I'll admit that I'll be relying much on your expertise for a while. This position is quite new to me and I'm going to need someone to help me navigate, so I may steer clear of any blunders." Esmee hadn't meant to say that so bluntly, but that's the way it came out and it was true nonetheless. A part of her felt better for admitting it. She certainly trusted the two handmaidens with this confession much more than the women out in her sitting area, whose giggles followed her into her bedchambers.

"Of course, My Lady." Lanie answered a little more enthusiastically than a woman of her station should, "That is what we're here for." Lanie found herself easily sincere with the statement and feeling a great sense of fortune for landing this position, because it was easy to see that Lady Esmee was genuine in amiability and Lanie couldn't wait to see what the young woman would do for their country.

000

The seamstress and maids had just helped the Lady pull the dress down her body, and began to fold it so it could be taken back to the seamstress's shop to be finished; when the giggling ladies-in-waiting returned, curtseying together as if they were conjoined, and then handed a letter to Esmee.

"The footman brought this for you, My Lady." Alace said excited to see what was in it, hoping it was interesting enough to speculate upon.

"Thank you." Lady Esmee answered, taking the letter from her hands and beginning to read it. A sigh of relief escaped her throat at the contents, knowing she'd be able to prolong meeting court another day, "It's from the King." Lady Esmee answered the question her ladies-in-waiting were waiting for, "He wishes to dine privately with me tonight in the conservatory. He'll come to escort me in one hour."

"How romantic." Sonia said, sighing. Esmee couldn't quite guess why dining with someone was particularly romantic, but assumed it had something to do with the fact that all nobility here ate together in the great hall and not separately.

Deciding she might as well make use out of the ladies-in-waiting she had been assigned, Esmee suggested that they pick her out something to wear from the closet, which was full of her clothes from Kenon that Lanie had unpacked earlier. The women were happy to oblige in any matters pertaining clothing and Esmee had to stifle a laugh at their astonishment at the amount of clothes Esmee did have. Not a single one of them had thought a lady from the forests of Kenon would have been in ownership of such fashionable clothes.

Esmee glanced over to Pyre, who was lying upon the thin decorated rug beside her bed, and felt a twinge of guilt. She turned to Lanie, "Could you find someone to make a dog bed large enough for Pyre? I had not thought to check that his was packed, so much had been on my mind when I left Kenon."

Lanie nodded, surprised again by the Lady. She worried about her wolf being comfortable-an animal that typically roamed the forest with no luxuries; and seemed completely indifferent about what she would wear tonight for the King.

"Of course, My Lady. Do you have any preferences for the look of the bed?" Lanie asked in a neutral tone that didn't match her thoughts.

"No preferences, just as long as it's comfortable for him." Esmee smiled at her pet, which perked up his ears at her stare, as if he could feel her affection like a human.

"He's quite well-behaved for a wolf." Lanie risked the out of turn comment, having seen no indication in the Lady that would suggest she'd be upset by it. If anything, Lanie suspected Lady Esmee might need someone to talk to.

Lanie was glad to see another smile spread across Lady Esmee's face as she answered, "Yes he is. He's been my best friend since the day I came upon him. Twin souls my mother said."

At that moment, the ladies-in-waiting bustled out of the closet, Hazel holding up a velvet, dark green dress, "This one will be perfect, My Lady!" she practically squealed, "Let us help you put it on." Esmee turned to meet Lanie's eyes for a moment before answering, seeming to share the same thought, making Esmee smirk before turning back to them.

"Oh and I think your hair would look marvelous up. I'm quite the expert at hair styling, many say. I would be happy to do it for you." Sonia put in, as Alace helped her slip into the dress, with Hazel beginning to button the back.

"I would appreciate that." Esmee answered, starting to feel shame in her early thoughts of the girls.

It wasn't fair for her to judge them just because they were different than her. Esmee suspected she might be a bit materialistic and flighty if she had grown up here as well. Besides, she had always strived to be without prejudice and recognized her harsh scrutiny of them had more to do with her own insecurities and heartache than anything else. She'd try harder to let go, Esmee decided; even though she couldn't even begin to imagine where she'd start with that.

000

Esmee nodded to the footman standing by the double doors to her chambers when she heard a knock upon the door. Wearing the dark velvet dress; with the off shoulder neckline, and tight bodice, that flew out to a full skirt; her hair tied up in a coiling bun that flattered her face; Esmee was actually quite grateful for her ladies-in-waiting. Her appearance made her feel a little bit more the part of the King's betrothed.

As Jared was escorted into the room and after the occupants rose from their low curtsies, Jared had to agree with that assessment. He found himself without words momentarily as he looked upon her face. Lacking his usual self-control for a moment, his gaze flickered down her body and back up slowly. Esmee noticed and fought the urge to squirm under his stare, feeling the insecurities about her size that she hadn't considered before today come to head. She didn't realize his thoughts were in a completely different direction than displeasure.

"Lady Esmee," he said, choosing formalities in the presence of her ladies-in-waiting, "Are you ready for our dinner?"

"Yes, Your Majesty." She answered softly, feeling a bit more apprehension in his presence here in the castle than at her home.

He offered her his arm and escorted out of the wing that held their chambers, then through the maze of a palace to the conservatory. He was silent for a while, which is why she startled when he asked, "How do you find your rooms?"

"Very well, Your Majesty." She answered kindly.

"Haven't we gone over this? Please, call me Jared." He said in a teasing tone, catching himself flirting despite himself.

Esmee didn't notice though, as she answered, "Yes, sorry. Habit…" She looked up to him with a wary smile upon her face.

"I hope you don't mind the invitation to have a private dinner with me tonight." Jared said, "I thought it might be a better choice for your first night in the castle."

"I do not mind at all." Esmee assured, "I must confess that I'm quite overwhelmed today, so the invite for a quiet dinner brought relief."

Jared nodded and unconsciously moved closer to her as they walked down the hall, "I know this cannot be easy for you; you're away from your family, in a strange place, with different daily rituals, and betrothed to a man you don't even know." Esmee made to speak to reassure him despite the honesty, but Jared wouldn't have it, "I'm not offended that you're not jumping for joy." He stopped them, turning her to face him directly as he placed comforting hands on her shoulders, "I just want you to know that you do not have to be afraid to ask me for anything that will make you feel more comfortable or at home. I will always try my best to make me happy."

_Will you let me go so I can marry Blake?_ She thought, knowing how shameful she was for it. Esmee bit her lip, not sure what to say; and eventually settled on a nod. This seemed to be fine enough of a reply for him, because he gave one of his half smiles.

Without thinking he lifted his fingers to caress her cheek, marveling how it was even softer than it looked. Realizing quickly what he was doing he pulled his hand away as if her cheek had burned him. Esmee glanced at his hand quizzically, as he cleared his throat. Jared offered her his arm again and they continued to the conservatory, making small talk that neither was quite interested in; but both were too scared to let the silence settle or worse speak of something of importance.

When they reached the conservatory, a genuine smile slid across Esmee's features. It was a large room at the back of the castle, whose back wall was made of solid pieces of glass that rose up to a dome structure overhead that was also made of glass, offering a beautiful view of the stars and of the garden behind it. Above the doors they had just walked through, was a loft area lined with bookshelves, and a spiral staircase to below where there were two different sitting areas and one table lay near to the windows. This table was set with food already and lined with candles.

There were multiple servants standing near the table, ready to aid. Jared dismissed them all though and they filed out of the room, leaving the two of them alone. All of the sudden Esmee remembered Sonia's remark about the romanticism of the private dinner and her nerves began to act up again. Attempting to clear her mind, Esmee sat in the chair Jared had pulled out for her and ogled at the food before her; determining that if she was expected to eat all of it, she wouldn't be petite for very long. Then took a sip of wine, hoping it would chase away the tension in her

"How's Pyre adjusting?" Jared asked suddenly, taking Esmee by surprise.

She smiled at the subject of her pet though as she answered, "Very well, though I forgot his dog bed at home and have had to ask one to be made."

Jared had to hold back a chuckle at that and smoothed his hand over his mouth to hide his grin, "You have a dog bed for your wolf?"

She raised her eyebrow at this question, as he hadn't hidden his amusement as well as he would have liked, "Would you like to sleep upon a cold floor?"

Still trying to hold in delight in, he answered smoothly, "I'm not a wolf…"

"Yes, well he's barely one either at this point he's been living in domesticated surroundings so long." Esmee answered coolly, "Besides he deserves it for the protection and affection he offers me. If a noble woman's dog the size of a dinner plate, whose only job is to yap obnoxiously deserves a bed, then Pyre certainly does."

Jared did finally let a laugh out at that, "Can't say I disagree with that argument at all." She smiled back at him, meeting his eyes across the table. Jared turned serious all in an instant as he asked, "So Pyre is a good protector?"

Esmee nodded, "Don't you remember your meeting with him in the forest? He's the best."

"Yes, I remember." He said, "I'm glad you have the benefit of a loyal guard such as him. I fear you may need it."

"What do you mean?" Esmee asked, body turning cold.

Jared sighed, leaning back into his chair, "It's no secret that my father was a less than an admirable king." Jared stated bluntly and at Esmee's worrisome expression quickly assured, "It's okay, Esmee. I promise I will not fault you for whatever your opinions of my father are. I suppose I should defend the man, solely for the reason he was my blood, but I cannot. I do not know why he was brutal; maybe he was mad, maybe he wasn't born with emotions. The fact of the matter is though he rampaged his way throughout this country, throwing anyone out of his path he saw fit. Thidon lost all hope in their ruler and though I'm trying to give the people back their confidence, there's still an open wound." He looked back directly into Esmee's eyes for a moment, finding himself once again fascinated by the color, "Our marriage will help settle much of that unrest now that the fear of going to war Esterdell is abolished." With that statement Esmee felt as if she was sinking; she didn't like the fact that there was no way out of this marriage without dire consequences being repeatedly shoved into her face each way she turned, "But despite progress there is much unease and many who would be glad to see this royal line wiped out to start anew. That is why I'm glad you have Pyre and why it's very important you go nowhere without myself or your guards."

He seemed to be awaiting an answer so she nodded her head slowly. He really didn't have to tell her twice. She wasn't looking to be killed anytime soon and would gladly take whatever precautions necessary to prevent that, "I understand."

"Thank you." He replied and the rest of their dinner turned to much merrier of topics.

000

"You have a visitor, My Lady." Lanie said during mid-morning the next day, as she was trying on the now perfectly fitting dress for tonight's ball.

"Oh?" Esmee asked, slightly distracted, as she smoothed down the silver material at the stomach, "Who is it?"

"Princess Augustina." Lanie answered.

Esmee's eyes lit up, as she had wanted to get to know her future sister-in-law more after their introduction the day before, "Please, send her in."

The seamstress who had been sewing a few extra crystal beads into the hem of the dress quickly stood and curtsied to the Princess once she walked in. Esmee followed suit though awkwardly as she was standing upon the small podium again.

"Rise, please." Stina said to the seamstress, then directing herself towards Esmee she said, "And you! We're to be sisters in a month. Please don't greet me so formally!"

"I suppose I can live with that command." Esmee replied, a grin on her face.

"Good! Now let me see you in that gown." Stina didn't wait for an answer as she circled Esmee, running her eyes up and down the dress. Finally she met Esmee's eyes with one of her beaming smiles, "You look radiant in it! You definitely bring justice to the masterpiece."

Esmee had to agree, the dress _was_ a masterpiece; tight fitting on the top, with tight sleeves that reached the elbows, once there they billowed out with a sheer fabric of silver; the full skirt and neckline were littered with beautiful, clear jewels that seemed to illuminate whenever the sunlight caught it. The back dipped lower than Esmee was normally accustomed, but unsuitably so.

"Thank you. The dress is so lovely that I must admit I felt at first that it may be a bit much for me." Esmee said, feeling quite at ease with the Princess.

"You're royalty now, nothing is a 'bit much' for you; or at least that's what my mother used to say when I was five and complained about my dresses, preferring to run through the mud with my older brothers." Both girls giggled at that, "I really hope you give me some nieces. I know it's important to produce an heir, but having some more girls in the family would be wonderful."

Esmee's grin faded at that statement and her stomach twisted. _A month ago I was looking forward to giving you nieces, but not with your eldest brother. _Esmee thought, knowing such things were unfaithful to her betrothed, causing her shame. But she had little control over her emotions on this topic and couldn't help the anguish that ripped through her at the thought of marrying or having children with anyone other than Blake.

"I'm sorry." Stina quickly said, laying a comforting hand on Esmee's arm, "I have upset you with my bold words. I should be more sensitive. I'm sure this is all bewildering for you."

Esmee attempted to give a reassuring smile that just missed its mark, "I'm alright, please don't apologize. I'll be glad to hope for those nieces for you." The last part was intended to sound light, but like the reassuring smile fell flat.

Stina didn't take the hook that would lead them to an enjoyable conversation, turning serious as she sat on the stool next to the mirror Esmee stood in front of, "I can't imagine what it's like for you to leave your family. I adore mine so, as reserved as they are. Jared told me about yours yesterday." This shocked Esmee; she hadn't expected Jared to have enough interest in her to talk about things such as her family to his own. Though maybe the context wasn't positive, "From what he told me it sounds as if your parents are very admirable, and love their family and people with all their heart."

It made Esmee smile that what Jared spoke _was_ a positive evaluation, "They are." Esmee agreed.

"Jared is a good man." Stina continued, "The best as a matter of fact. He may seem a bit…cold at times, but that's just the mask he wears for his job. He cares for people to the point of self-sabotage, as he doesn't think enough of himself." Having only known him a few days Esmee could see where that would be true, "That's why I'm so glad he's marrying someone like you. I can already tell you have a similar outlook on life and give much of yourself. The two of you may not look out for your own wants, but I know you'll look out for each other's."

Stina smiled and Esmee stood there awestruck. She hadn't spent much time with Stina so far, but her first impression was a sweet, giggling, and fun girl; though probably not all that bright. Then she gives an in depth interpretation of not only her brother's feelings, but Esmee's (who she barely knew) that nearly rocked her off the podium. Clearly there was much more to the girl sitting before her than could be initially observed.

"You'll do fine as Queen, Esmee." Stina stated, after a moment of shared silence, "Try not to worry so much."


	6. Chapter 5

Esmee had spent a good hour earlier being lectured by the Dowager Queen Eveline on what would be expected of her during the ball. She had listened intently, wanting to make a good first impression to the court. But all the rules, etiquette, and customs seemed to fly from her memory as she stood in front of the doors leading into the ballroom. She breathed in deep as she awaited her introduction and the doors opened.

Jared was waiting on the other side at the top of the stairs that led down to the ballroom floor. The lights were dim down below, but the torches burned bright beside the two of them, for effect. Jared found himself once again shock-still-in-wonder at the sight of Esmee and it took him a second minute longer than it should have to reach his hand out to hers, to lead her down the steps.

"You look beautiful." He said, leaning close to her ear.

She turned her head to smile up at him, nerves abating from the declaration, "Thank you. You look handsome yourself." And she meant it, as her eyes roamed over his body quickly. He was dressed in a dark waistcoat and pants, making him even more mysterious than she had thought before.

As they walked the crowd kneeled, though their eyes were glued upon the Lady that none had encountered before. They were curious about her and make her acquaintances; but their first step was to watch her, much in the way a hawk wants to circle their prey before diving in for the kill.

The Dowager Queen, Prince, and Princess met them at the bottom of the steps. Esmee did everything in her power not to look at Blake, fearing her pose would crumble just by at the sight. Stina moved close to Esmee and whispered, "You looked so regal and awe-inspiring coming down those steps. You were made for this, Esmee."

Esmee smiled at this, but didn't answer as the court rose and moved to the sidelines. Esmee remembered another expectation then, of the first dance being just of King Jared and his betrothed. She was glad she hadn't forgotten all she was taught after all and with a new bode of confidence with her, easily was led to the middle of the ballroom floor by Jared.

"Do you know how to dance?" Jared asked, as they strode across the intensely polished, gold floor.

Esmee had to stop herself from bursting out laughing, "That probably should have been something you asked me before the ball as opposed to when leading me to the dance floor; but yes, I do know how to dance."

He found himself smiling down at her teasing words, happy that she was beginning to relax; as he had felt the shaking when he had grabbed her hands.

As Jared pulled her close to his chest, she realized just how different their heights were. With the heels she wore she stood just above his shoulders. Esmee had to crane her neck to look up at him and wondered what she looked like to the court; as she turned her eyes to view them, noticing they watched her with an intensity that made her breath catch in her throat.

"I feel like they're eating me alive." Esmee hadn't meant to say the words and wondered where her normal decorum had gone. It seemed to be escaping her as of late.

Jared chuckled lightly, "Take that as a compliment, my dear." Esmee found herself blushing at the pet name as he continued, "They're tearing you apart with their eyes looking for a fault. You're giving them none, so they're looking harder."

"My mother never liked court." Another blunt statement from Esmee, but she knew instinctively that Jared would not mind.

"I don't blame her." He answered, smiling down at her. She couldn't hold back her own as she looked upon him, "Good. Keep flashing that beautiful smile; you'll make them squirm." Esmee actually laughed out loud at that, enjoying their private joke in the middle of the prying eyes.

Esmee's good humor ended the moment she looked towards the dais that held the thrones. The rest of the royal family had moved to sit there sometime during their dance and Blake was watching her fiercely, making a shiver run down her spine. She felt shame dancing and laughing with her betrothed in front of him, knowing that he loved her. Esmee didn't know how she'd feel if she were in his shoes. Just the thought made her nauseous.

Jared noticed her gaze on his brother and misinterpreted the trepidation that her expression had fallen into, "My brother, Blake." Jared said unenthusiastically, "I haven't been able to formally introduce you two yet as he's been too inconsiderate to show his face since I came home. Ignore his gaze, Esmee, and don't take any of his behavior to heart. He has yet to grow up."

Esmee bit her lip against the words that she wanted to speak in defense of Blake, and then berated herself for forgetting even in her mind that no one could ever know that Blake and she were in love. So with all the strength she could muster up she turned back to her betrothed, smiled prettily, as he had so complimented a few minutes prior and continued the dance.

Jared could sense the turn in her emotions though; feeling her back go slightly more rigid under his hand and already knowing which smile was fake as her eyes betrayed her. As much as he wanted to find out what was wrong, he had an image to withhold in court and was relieved that she was going to play the facade despite her discomfort. Jared knew Esmee had no idea how powerful of an impression she was making right now, but he did and contemplated the thought for a minute that she may be much more than a passable Queen. _Much, much more._

000

The court was begrudgingly enamored with the future queen by the time midnight had rolled around; their feelings ranging from jealousy, to fascination, to amatory. Esmme was nothing of what they expected from a country girl who had never seen a city as large as theirs. At the same time though she was much unlike them, with her easy smiles, kindness, and wit. She took none of their bait to pull her down and held her high with self-respect, just as her mother had ordered her to do.

In the beginning of the night Jared had followed Esmee around the ballroom, making introductions between her and every member within the walls. After she became more comfortable though, Jared stood back to watch her work magic by herself, feeling a deep sense of pride rise within him. Almost every man had asked for a dance with her, which she accepted with grace and a smile, making the women of the court cringe with envy at the attention she received. More than one of those women had forgotten propriety and asked for a dance with the King themselves, which he accepted, though he would spend the entire time stealing glances towards his betrothed; ignoring her dance partner and his own.

Esmee had just finished a dance with a master, curtseying graceful to him as he bowed, when she saw "him" make his way to her. She gulped nervously, when he held his hand out to her and she hesitated a moment before grasping his invitation.

"May I have the pleasure of this dance, My Lady?" Blake asked voice low and sultry; like it was after long hours of kissing in the forest.

"Yes, Your Highness." She answered, trying to keep her voice in check, but a slight catch caught in her throat despite her attempt.

When her other hand not within his grasp landed upon his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her waist, she thought she'd swoon in remembered desire. Blake was silent, never giving her an explanation for the dance that felt more like borderline torture.

Finally she couldn't take it anymore, and conscious of the prying eyes she whispered softly, "Why are you doing this, Blake?"

His blue eyes met hers, as he dragged a slow breath in, "I miss you, Esmee. I needed an excuse to touch you."

Esmee bit her lip, to hold back any tears that might form, "Blake…this isn't right."

He squeezed her a small bit tighter in his embrace, as he spoke, "I know, but I can't seem to help myself." Blake sighed again, hoping no one noticed his distress, "Meet me in the gardens outside the balcony in a half an hour? There's a side door over there," he jerked his head subtly to the right, so no one would notice, and then turned her so she could see of what he spoke over his shoulder, "You can escape through there. I'll go out the balcony after this dance so no one suspects anything."

Esmee looked into his eyes, appalled, "We _cannot._" She hissed under her breath, "We talked about this, Blake. I'm betrothed to your brother."

Blake clasped her hand in his a little tighter in assurance, "I know, Esmee. I'm not asking for you to do anything unfaithful. I just want a few minutes alone with you to talk_. I've missed you._"

The last words were said with so much passion and desperation that Esmee couldn't begin to contemplate how she would say no, so she agreed with a slight bob to her head as the dance came to a halt and they bowed to one another. Blake took his leave, directly to the balcony and Esmee's heart sped up in anticipation of their meeting.

The words, "Are you okay?" startled her as she walked off the dance floor, and she nearly jumped out of her skin as she turned to see Jared standing behind her.

Placing a hand over her heart, Esmee caught her breath, "You surprised me."

Jared smiled at her, but his eyes betrayed his worry, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Did Blake upset you?"

Esmee tried to keep her face calm to override the anxiety that that question caused, "No, of course not. Why would you think that?" Esmee clasped her hands together in front of her stomach to prevent them from fiddling nervously under his scrutiny.

He looked at her for several heartbeats before answering, "You looked…distressed during your dance. What did he say to you?"

Esmee shook her head, plastering on one of her fake smiles, "His Highness gave me his congratulations on our upcoming wedding." Esmee thought the guilt would stop her heart; she hated liars and here she was becoming one.

Jared didn't believe her for a minute, but didn't want to pressure her into speaking if she wasn't comfortable, "If you say so…"

000

After wasting away half an hour mingling at the refreshments table, Esmee was able to escape the court's eyes long enough to sneak through the side door and down to the garden. Esmee wandered around the hedges, standing upon tip toes to catch a glimpse of Blake, too afraid to call out his name in case anyone overheard it and caught them together.

Someone grabbed her hand from behind her, turning her around quickly. Esmee sighed in relief when she confirmed it was Blake.

"Come with me." He said, pulling her along behind him. He stopped suddenly, beside a bench lined with more hedges; grinning down at her, "This is a blind spot. No one will be able to see us from the castle." The thought should have been comforting but Esmee felt the opposite suddenly and a bit of fear ran down her spine. Blake didn't seem to notice though as he guided her to the bench, "Sit, please."

Esmee did as he requested and he joined her, causing Esmee to immediately move further to the edge of the bench to create space between them; worried about what she may do in the face of temptation. Blake ignored her body language though, and entwined his fingers with hers.

"I've missed you." He stated plainly, trying to catch her eyes with his own, but she was being very careful to look anywhere else, "How are you liking living at the castle so far?"

This was a safe enough topic, Esmee figured and thought about her agreement to be friends with him, "It's…different." She answered, sighing, "I miss home." Esmee admitted.

"Is Jared treating you well?" Blake asked lightly, hoping she'd open up to him further.

"Yes, quite well." Esmee answered honestly, "It's not that…it's just that everything's new here and I feel out of place."

Blake smiled at her, "You didn't look out of place from what I saw."

Esmee smiled back, despite herself, "False bravado, my love." As soon as she called him that she wanted to kick herself for forgetting he was no longer 'her love'. Blake was a friend and soon would be her brother-in-law; nothing more ever again.

"You'll find quickly most of those people in there are full of false bravado, even your betrothed." Blake said bitterly, taking Esmee back.

"Jared doesn't seem the type for that…" Esmme said cautiously, fearful of his tone.

"You two are on first name terms, then?" Blake asked, eyebrows raised.

"He is to be my husband." Esmee said forcefully, "Remember? I cannot escape that fact, as you so pointed out yesterday."

Blake nodded, averting his gaze from hers, "I'm disgusted just thinking about him having you." He mumbled under his breath, and then looked back towards Esmee. She could think of nothing to say, knowing exactly how he felt.

Suddenly Blake leaned down to kiss her and though they were well hidden, Esmee could not allow that; right before his lips met with Esmee's she put her hand up blocking the assault that she wanted too much herself. "Don't, Blake." She cried in desperation, standing up, "Please don't make this harder on me."

Blake stood as well, "I'm sorry, it's not easy on me either." He shook his head, "I shouldn't have done that, but the second I look into your eyes I lose myself."

Esmee turned away repeatedly silently, _I will not cry, I will not cry, _over and over again. Blake stood behind her having no words of comfort for her.

"What's going on here?" A booming voice spoke out, surprising them both as they turned to see Jared standing a few paces before them, hands crossed over his chest; and his legs in a warrior's pose.

Esmee couldn't unroll her tongue, but this wasn't a problem for Blake as he shook off his shock at his brother's interruption efficiently and a playful grin appeared over his features, "I'm just getting to know your betrothed; after all she will be my sister-in-law soon."

Jared raised an eyebrow, though the rest of his face stayed frozen in stone, "Really? You wish to get to know _my_ betrothed privately, at night, in a hidden corner of the garden?"

"Well when you say it like that it sounds inappropriate." Blake teased, noting the jealousy radiating off of his brother, surprised he had fallen for Esmee so quickly.

"Go back to the ball, Blake." Jared commanded. Blake bowed mockingly and then shouldered past his brother. As he did so, Jared grasped onto his arm, halting his movement for a moment, "We will speak on this matter later." He whispered under his breath so that Esmee would not hear him.

Once he had left, Jared turned back to Esmee, "Lady Esmee," He began, making her flinch at the stern tone and the formal address; Esmee found herself sending up a silent prayer that he hadn't heard any of their conversation, "I know that life is a bit different in Kenon, but I'm sure you were taught proper conduct between unmarried men and women?" at Esmee's reluctant nod he continued, "One of the biggest rules being that they do not have private conversations with one another in even more private settings. Were you taught this, yes or no?"

Esmee's frustration at the lack of control she had in her own life and despising the way he was talking to as if she was a child, had her ignoring his question, "Did you and I not have a private stroll in the forests one morning in Kenon?" she countered.

"That's _different_." Jared replied, "You're to be my wife."

"As if I could forget." Jared almost fell over from the bitterness in her voice with that statement. He had not succumbed to the fantasy that she wanted to be his wife and queen; but he also didn't think she was so vehemently opposed the idea.

"Stay away from Blake if you know what's good for you." Jared finally answered, choosing to ignore the crushing feeling her words gave him, "He's not trustworthy."

_And who is?_ Esmee thought, but knew better than to say it. She was dealing with the King now, not Jared. "May I take leave to return to the ball, Your Majesty?" she asked instead.

"Very well." He answered, voice still tight.

Esmee gave him a low curtsey that was not derisive unlike Blake's, but hit his heart a hundred times more. Then she walked past him, head held high, with no glance ever turned his way; making the guilt rise within him.

000

"Open this damn door now!" Jared yelled again, slamming his fist repeatedly against the wood of the door, ignoring the appalled foot man and guards within the hallway.

Finally the door swung open and an annoyed Blake appeared in the door frame, "Great Gods, Jared, what do you _want_?"

Jared grabbed Blake by the collar, shoving him back into the room and slamming the door shut behind the two of them, not wanting their conversation gossiped about by any curious ears in the hallway.

"What do you think?! What were you discussing in the privacy of the garden with my intended?" Jared hissed, losing his control.

Blake rolled his eyes, "I told you before, I was just getting to know the woman who will become my sister-in-law."

Jared scoffed at that, "In what way, exactly?"

Blake blatantly laughed at his brother's anger, making Jared all the more dangerous, "Jealous already? You barely know the girl."

"That _girl_," Jared growled, "Will be my wife in a month and a half. You'll do well to remember that."

Blake made a gesture of dismissal in the air, "Don't worry, I won't be forgetting anytime soon. It's all anyone can talk about."

"Blake…" Jared growled again, not forgetting the subject at hand for one moment, "I am warning you right now, _stay away from Esmee_."

Blake feigned hurt, "Don't you trust me?" Jared just continued to glare at him, waiting for Blake to cave, "Oh alright…I'll make sure nothing like tonight happens again. Happy?"

"Ecstatic." Jared answered, making his way to the door, knowing he'd pummel his younger brother if he didn't get out of there right now.

000

The knocking on Esmee's room was much gentler. Jared had cooled down enough from his walk from Blake's wing to be able to face Esmee with control, so he could apologize to her; figuring that Blake had most likely sought her out in the garden. Jared knew his brother too well.

Esmee heard the knock at the door and guessed who it was almost immediately. She was in her nightgown, having already been helped through her bed rituals by Lanie and had dismissed her not ten minutes ago so Esmee could sleep. But she'd forgo that if Jared was here, not wanting to disappoint him more than she already had. So grabbing her robe, she made her way to the door.

Not shocking at all, it _was_ Jared on the other side, his well-disciplined face giving away nothing. "We need to talk." He said gruffly, walking into the room and closing the door.

"I wonder what would be said about the King visiting his betrothed's chambers in the middle of the night with no chaperone." Esmee couldn't help the comment, having felt quite shamed earlier in the evening by him, despite knowing she had been in the wrong.

"I deserved that." He said with a sigh in his voice.

But Esmee knew he didn't. She really had no right to be angry at his earlier behavior when she had in fact been meeting the man she loved secretly. Though she would have made sure nothing happened between them that could be considered unfaithful to the man she was promised to, it wasn't appropriate at all and she had known better. Really, she was just upset with the situation that she had found herself in and when she had heard the aversion in his voice in the garden, she let her anger get the better of her and lashed out.

Esmee sighed, "No, you don't." She wasn't about to give the details as to why he didn't deserve her acidic comment, but she knew she needed to apologize, "You are right, it was inappropriate for me to be speaking with His Highness in such a private setting and you had full right to be upset with me regarding my actions. I hope you can forgive me."

Jared looked at her, surprised at the easy way she could admit wrong doing, especially in a way that showed she truly meant what she was saying and wasn't just afraid of the consequences if she didn't admit fault. Esmee wasn't pleading with him right now, she was calming declaring her fault and asking for forgiveness.

"Only if you forgive me as well." Jared answered, having truly felt like a brute after their departure in the garden that night.

"Easily." She answered, a slight smile forming on her face.

"Then I suppose I should bid you goodnight." Jared said, though instead of turning to the door he moved closer to her.

Esmee looked up at him, curious as to what he was doing; he placed one hand on her shoulder and she thought for a moment he might to kiss her. When he began to lean down she was sure of it and found despite herself that she couldn't pull away and chose to close her eyes in expectation. She was surprised to feel his lips land on her cheek instead though, causing her to feel a slight pinch of disappointment that she didn't understand. Then he was pulling himself straight; leaving a fluttering feeling in her stomach.

"Sleep well, Esmee." Jared whispered, giving her a crooked smile that reminded her much of a young boy.

Words seemed to escape her as he walked out the door, leaving Esmee to stand there looking after him, wondering what had just transpired between them. At last pulling herself together enough to walk back to bed, she chose sleep instead of muddled thoughts that would only confuse her more.

**Author's note: **I'm not so sure how I feel about this chapter. It feels a bit rushed/short I suppose? I reread it several times though and couldn't think of many changes, so I decided to post it. Any constructive criticism is welcome though.

The next chapter should be up within two days and will revolve around the wedding! =)


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **I apologize for the delay! I know I promised this chapter would be up two days after the last. But I have had the worst migraine for two weeks now and looking at a computer screen was killer. I unfortunately work on one and couldn't escape it entirely, but any extra hours on it probably would have resulted in my brain exploding from my head. At least that's how it felt :P

000

"Mother!" Esmee squealed, jumping off the podium that she again was having a dress tailored on by the seamstress, Deirdre; who had to hold in her annoyance at the Lady's conduct.

Both Catalina and Esmee were oblivious to all else as they held one another. Catalina kissed her daughter on the cheek, whispering "I missed you so much." Pulling back enough to look her child up and down, she couldn't help but gushing, "You look wonderful, my dear."

Esmee glanced down at herself as well, clothed in a light shade of gold silk, with darker hemming in velvet. Underneath the neckline more of the dark gold velvet was used by threading a design of thin and intricate winding vines, in the shape of a triangle, whose point ended just beneath the round of her breasts. Her wedding dress was simple, but at the same time elegant. Esmee loved it, even if the impending wedding itself made her sick to her stomach.

"Where's father?" Esmee asked, brushing away her melancholy thoughts.

"In our chambers along with Nolan." Catalina answered, still smiling at her daughter with a wistful expression.

"You left them alone together?" Esmee asked, remembering the last encounter she had witnessed between her father and brother. The day Nolan decided to sow his wild oats before he was forced to take his job as heir seriously.

Catalina laughed lightly, "Doesn't sound like the safest idea does it? I figured though if they hashed out their differences they'll finally move past their rift."

"Or just break a few bones." Esmee quipped.

Catalina's face took on that of mock horror, "They better not. That would look horrid at the wedding."

Esmee laughed turning back to the podium before Deirdre lost her thinning patience completely. Catalina felt a nose against her hand bringing her eyes from her daughter and down to see Pyre nudging her. She held out her hand to pet the thick fur on his head, before looking back at Esmee. "How are you finding yourself here?" Catalina asked suddenly, noting that no ladies-in-waiting were in the room to overhear; not particularly worrying about the maids, despite their own ability to gossip. Most nobility paid no mind to them she knew.

Esmee turned serious as she looked directly into her mother's eyes, pulling the strength from Catalina into her own body. Esmee had never had close enough of a relationship with her mother to confide much with her, but if her mother was willing to make an effort than she was as well. She had so much on her mind that she was glad to have anyone to spill it out to, "It's been as if I'm running up and down rolling hills, mother." She answered truthfully, "I can go from being overwhelmed, frustrated to zealous or awestruck. Everything is so very different here."

Catalina nodded with understanding, "Has the King been kind to you?"

"He's been…busy." Esmee answered, reluctantly. Since the incident where she was caught in the gardens with Blake, Jared had seemed to keep his distance from her, Esmee thought. She had noticed how much work he had on his plate, so maybe the excuses were true for why he was away most of the day with no time to spend alone with her. But she still couldn't shake the feeling that Jared was avoiding her. Though she sat by him during dinner at court every night and he was pleasant with her as ever a gentleman could be, so she had no right to complain she figured.

Catalina raised one perfectly arched eyebrow, "That's not what I asked. Is His Majesty treating you well?"

Esmee gave her mother a smile, that Catalina noted wasn't genuine, "Do not worry on that account, Mother; Jared is a good man." _And yet I'm betraying him with my feelings for his brother, _Esmee thought, feeling pity for Jared who could easily have any woman happy and willingly to be his bride, but had the unfortunate luck of finding the one who wasn't.

The knocking of the chamber door interrupted any further speech, as Esmee called whoever was on the other side in. Stina's beautiful auburn head slide through the door and as her eyes met Esmee's in the mirror, her face alight with joy.

"Oh Esmee, you look beautiful! Jared isn't going to know what hit him." Stina said, walking to stand next to her by the mirror.

"Thank you, Stina." Esmee said, before turning to her mother, "Mother, this is Jared's sister, the Princess Augustina."

Though never having met the princess before, Lady Catalina could spot royalty easily and had already lowered herself into a curtsy. Stina answered by waving the bow off, as Esmee knew she would.

"It is so good to meet you, Lady Catalina. I can see where Esmee gets her beauty from." Stina said charmingly.

"That is very kind, Your Highness." Lady Catalina answered, quite shocked the Dowager Queen had raised such a friendly daughter; having met the woman once many years before was enough to know that the Queen strongly believed in royals holding the image of superiority, "It is a pleasure to meet you as well."

"I hope your trip went well here." Stina continued, ever the sweet host, "My brother mentioned to me how lovely the scenery is between here and Kenon. Jared enjoyed his stay there very much."

Esmee and Catalina both smiled at Stina and her easy amiable attitude. Esmee glanced over her mother to see the approval upon her face, which was no means an easy feat for Stina, with Catalina's opinion of the royal family, though she did seem to genuinely like Jared as well. Esmee thought about when she first met Blake, when he had come visiting with a councilman nine months prior. Though her mother was gracious during the visit, Esmee could clearly see that she was veiling her dislike of the young prince, though Esmee couldn't begin to imagine why. That had become one of the many reasons she had concealed her relationship for Blake until she had a formal proposal from him.

Before Catalina could answer Stina was talking again, "I would like to invite you both to afternoon tea in my quarters. My mother will be there as well. I know she's just as anxious as I to get to know you better, Lady Catalina. We're already quite fond of Esmee and want to know her family better, since we'll be combining households."

"I'd be honored to join your company this afternoon." Catalina answered, slightly apprehensive about dealing with the Queen, but also aware that it was expected for her to put on the face of besotted citizen for the sake of her land, not to mention her daughter.

"Great!" Stina answered enthusiastically, "I shall send a footman to fetch you both in three hours. I'm sure your dress will be done by then, Esmee."

"I sure hope so." Esmee mumbled under breath as Stina laughed and her mother gave her a chastising look.

"I'll leave you two to your reunion. I'll see you in a while." Stina answered, turning on her heel.

After Stina quit the chambers, Catalina turned back to Esmee, "I like her."

Esmee smiled at her mother in the mirror, "I do as well. She's a breath of fresh air around here that's for certain."

"Is she a good friend to you?" Catalina asked.

"Yes," Esmee answered and it was true. Stina had none of the coldness and backbite that the majority of the court had. Her ladies were nice enough, but she saw them gossip so much that revealing anything personal with them would be social suicide. Stina on the other hand had a good heart and a strong moral code, "We've become quite close. I'm glad to have her as a sister-in-law."

"That's good." Catalina said, stepping on the other side of the seamstress, and began to pull back Esmee's hair, styling it up to keep herself busy, "It's good to have a female your age to confide in. You never had many female friends in Kenon." Catalina sighed before continuing, "Did I ever tell you I had a sister?"

Esmee was shocked by this revelation, because her mother had in fact never mentioned that, nor had anyone else, "No, you haven't. What happened to her?" Esmee asked cautiously.

"She died when she was fourteen." Catalina answered, careful not to meet her daughter's eyes, "I was fifteen. We were barely a year and a half apart in age and as close as two souls could be." Catalina gave a sad smile at that.

"I'm sorry." Esmee spoke quietly after a moment.

Catalina continued, Esmee thought her voice sounded faraway, as if she was in another time, "You were named after her, though you have not much of her personality at all." Catalina chuckled, "My sister was wild, where you are grounded; loud where you are contemplative. She had a good heart though and was always there to help me, even when I didn't necessary want it." Catalina grabbed a large, jeweled pin from the nearby vanity and placed it within her daughter's hair, "A few months before her death I found I was betrothed to your father and I would marry him the following year. There was a master in the neighboring village that I had fancied myself in love with that the time, so I was heartbroken at this news. My sister knew me better than I knew myself though and convinced me my future would not be so bad after all with Lord Ronen; which prevented me from doing something disastrous like running off and eloping with a man who I had come to realize later wasn't right for me."

Esmee met her mother's faded blue eyes, "Is that why you named me after her?"

Catalina nodded, "Yes. Without her you and your brother would not be here. It felt right." Catalina inhaled softly, "I'm telling you this because I think it's important to have someone you trust with many of your secret thoughts, someone who will be honest with you. If the Princess can offer you this, it'll help you greatly, especially if you're still feeling apprehension about marrying His Majesty." Catalina raised an eyebrow to indicate a hidden question in that statement.

Esmee gave her a reassuring smile though, "I'm fine mother, do not worry about me. As I said Jared is a good man. Besides, what girl wouldn't want to be Queen?" _Me, _Esmee answered in her head, and the expression on her mother's face made her suspicious that for a moment her mother could see through the shutters in her mind.

"Indeed." Was all Catalina said as she found herself a seat to wait with her daughter until Esmee's wedding dress was done and it was time to meet the Princess and Dowager Queen for tea.

000

Jared read over the letter in his hands, finding a sense of nostalgia wash over him. Lee had sent his apologies for not being able to make it to his and Esmee's wedding, along with a promise that he would come home as soon as things were more settled in Oklan, a country separated from Thidon by a small sea. Their father had burned bridges with them during his reign, as he had with many others. Jared had sent Lee there as an ambassador to work on reopening trade with them, along with providing a whole new image of civility in the Thidon's royal house; something they desperately needed.

He missed his brother though and wished he was there to help him untangle his thoughts and feelings; most of which revolved around the woman he was to marry the next day. Lee and Jared had always been close, and Jared was proud of the man his brother had grown up to be. He wished he had had the same luck with Blake, who seemed to be in a perpetual state of childhood.

Jared thought briefly about sending a letter to his brother asking for advice, but quickly brushed that off, knowing Lee was busy and had more important things to worry about than his elder brother's love life. Besides, Jared couldn't even fathom how he'd word a letter on the subject, when he couldn't even put his own thoughts into a simple order.

After making a complete ass out of himself with his jealous behavior, he had tried to keep a bit of distance between himself and Esmee, feeling he was getting too close to the woman. As primal as his actions were, he wanted to make sure she was truly his before he fell even harder for a young woman that he could read enough to know was still uneasy about the betrothed, but not enough to know the reason.

But even with the distance he kept, Jared couldn't fight the lingering picture of her that stayed in his head at all hours of the day. Every night he worked himself into an exhausted state, trying to mend the wounds of his country; and every night he walked through their shared hallway and had the urge to knock on her chamber's door. Jared lusted after her, there was no doubt in that matter, but there was something more that drew him to her and he wasn't brave enough to discover what that could be.

000

Esmee had always admired her mother's political attributes, but had never seen her to put it to use as well as in the chambers with the Dowager Queen Eveline. Eveline was a woman Esmee still could not seem to figure out. She was cold, though not cruel; especially not in comparison to her late husband. She prodded with subtlety that could make your defenses shoot up with one sentence. Everything felt like a test with her, but Esmee frequently felt as if she was passing (whatever that meant) and she felt pride each time Eveline's eyes warmed a slight bit more.

Catalina on the other hand handled her diligently, with the ability to throw the test aside all together; seeming to understand hidden messages and implications with no trouble; and could word her responses in the same manner. Esmee could feel her back straighten just sitting next to her with honor at having this woman as her mother. One look at Eveline's face told Esmee that she was impressed as well, though she would never admit it out loud.

The Dowager Queen was about to say something when a footman opened the door and in stepped Jared. Esmee's face revealed her shock at his entrance, not remembering the last time she had seen him outside of dinner. Her expression was not lost on the other women in the room; nor was the look on Jared's face as he gazed down at Esmee, not sparing a glance for any of the other occupants within the Dowager Queen's parlor.

All four of the women rose from their seats and into curtsies; something they wouldn't have done if it weren't for the presence of their guest. Image was everything to this family though Esmee had realized early on in her move here.

"Hello ladies." He said, strolling into the room, finally pulling his gaze from his betrothed he looked towards Lady Catalina, "It's good to see you again, My Lady. I hope your journey here was smooth?"

Lady Catalina nodded politely, "It was, Your Majesty. No problems to speak of."

His eyes found Esmee's face again, though she was doing everything in her power not to meet his eyes at the intensity she felt coursing from him, "I hope you don't mind, as I know you two were catching up, but I'd like to borrow my betrothed from you for an hour or so."

Catalina smiled at the King, "That's fine, Your Majesty." Glancing over to her daughter with a conspicuous smirk upon her face, "I'll see you later, dear."

Esmee gave her mother a confused expression at the genuine pleasure upon her face. _If I didn't know any better I'd say she wants to get rid of me_, Esmee thought, knowing it wasn't true, but her mother's countenance was certainly suspicious. She turned to her betrothed, nerves seeping through her chest, wondering why Jared suddenly felt the need to make some time for her. Jared held his hand out towards her and she grasped it, hoping her hands didn't shake. Despite the apologies they had made to each other after the garden incident, with his almost complete absence from her life Esmee worried he may back out of their betrothal anyways or that he may have found out about the history she shared with Blake; thus, destroying their fragile alliance.

_But would he really do such a thing? _Esmee argued in her head, _Jared's country is so important to him. He would do whatever was in his power to prevent war with Esterdell. _The sudden need to speak to her brought all those fears to the surface, despite logic. Esmee didn't realize until that moment how desperate she was to marry Jared, despite her heart being in the hands of another. She couldn't risk the consequences of a broken engagement with the King.

Jared led her out the door, offering her his arm, and then down the hallway, watching her out of the corner of his eyes, "Your mind is moving as fast as a comet, Esmee. What's going on in there?"

Esmee was startled at the observation, slightly unnerved how well he could read her. _Was she always so transparent?_ Esmee never thought so before, nobody else at least seemed to see her as anything more than the quiet daughter of Lord and Lady Ronen and Catalina. She realized long ago the majority of those who took one look at her figured she had no ideas herself, and was just an extension of the Kenon family. Esmee supposed she should mind, but she'd learned early on that this impression of her could work in her favor. Being underestimated certainly wasn't the worst thing in the world.

Esmee didn't know what to say to his question though. How could she be honest with her fears when they could very easily offend him? After all she was questioning his honor in her head. So instead of answering Esmee shook her head, and plastered a smile upon her face, hoping to look convincing, "Nothing."

"Hm." He answered, "I don't believe that for one minute, but I suppose a lady is allowed to have her secrets."

Esmee glanced up at him and was surprised to see a teasing smile on his face. The look made her smile in return and unconsciously move a bit closer to him, feeling her worry drop dramatically at his demeanor. He felt the movement and it gave him a surge of hope.

"Is my mother playing nicely with yours?" Jared asked.

"Nicely enough. My mother can handle herself when it comes to court speak." Esmee answered, "Is everything a test with your mother?" Esmee couldn't believe she asked that immediately after she spoke and wished she could go back in time and stick her foot in her mouth. The words slipped from Esmee's mouth without thinking, something that seemed to happen too often in the presence of Jared.

Fortunately, Jared didn't seem insulted in the least, as he chuckled quietly, "Yes, it certainly is and do not worry it's not just with you or your family. Even her children got the same treatment." He looked down to the side at Esmee, directly into her eyes. Esmee met his dark brown eyes and felt her breath catch in her throat, though she couldn't explain why, "Don't worry, that's not a parenting technique I plan on applying towards our children."

Esmee turned abruptly away at that, dropping his arm; placing a hand just below her breasts to steady herself she suddenly felt as if her corset was too tight. She couldn't breathe as she realized with dawning horror that tomorrow she'd be wed to this man and could quite possibly conceive the first of those said children in a little over twenty-four hours.

"Esmee." She heard from behind her, but she couldn't look back at him. Jared placed one hand gently upon her shoulder, turning her with just enough force that Esmee wouldn't be able to resist, but not enough to hurt or startle.

Jared looked down at her pale face, thinking that she looked like a small child in that instant: terrified of the unknown and overwhelmed by that she could not be prepared for. A reddish blonde curl fell from the pin at the back of her head, framing her pale face and those sea blue-green eyes stared up at him pleadingly, but for what he couldn't even fathom a guess she was always so silent about her wants and needs. Then his eyes dropped to her full lips and though somewhere in the back of his mind he realized it was probably not the most comforting response to her distress, Jared could barely hear that warning as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to his chest and brushed his lips against hers.

Esmee was shocked at first and almost panicked, but then he applied more pressure and her body melted into his with an ease she had never encountered before. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she pushed her lips further into his, parting her lips in invitation and Jared's tongue sliding between them caused a moan to escape her throat. Everything was gone in that moment; later Esmee would never be able to recall another time in her life before then that her mind had run completely still.

A throat being cleared pulled the two of them out of their trance long enough to separate their lips, though they still held onto one another as they looked around the hallway to find the source of the interruption. When Esmee's eyes landed upon her brother, a smirk on his face that she knew was concealing the laugh that was about to erupted from his throat; she practically threw herself from Jared, attempting to preserve any dignity she had left.

Nolan bowed to the King, the pleased look upon his face never leaving, "Your Majesty."

Jared recovered much sooner than Esmee and was able to answer the man with the facade that his betrothed's brother hadn't just caught him feverishly kissing the man's younger sister. "Lord Nolan," he greeted, his voice still slightly husky, "It's good to see you again."

Nolan straightened himself, grinning like a fool back and forth between the couple in front of him; getting a bit of glee out of the realization that his perfect little sister wasn't quite as innocent as their parents had always expected she was, "You as well, Your Majesty." He answered, and then diving in for the kill added, "I'm happy to see my sister has made a better impression on you than I had during my stay here."

"Nolan!" Esmee shouted at her brother's inappropriate words, finally finding her voice.

Nolan did laugh at that and Jared couldn't help a smirk from forming over his face as well; causing the Esmee to roll her eyes. Though in honesty she was glad for her brother's blunt teasing since it helped break her of the nervous tension at being caught in such a wanton position with the King-betrothed to be married tomorrow or not.

"I assume you came looking for your sister?" Jared asked, trying desperately to hide his amusement. He could tell Esmee had been embarrassed by being caught in such an act, which had never been his intention_. Though, the blush that had crept over her face had been adorable._ Jared mentally shook the thought away before another round of desire shot through him and he wouldn't be able to stop himself from pulling her to him again, careless of the brother who stood before them.

"Yes, though seeing she's busy I'll catch her another time…" Nolan said, turning to leave them in peace.

"It's fine." Jared said before Nolan could complete the action, "I know you haven't seen her in quite a while and I have the rest of my life with her. I'll leave you two to your reunion."

Esmee felt an odd sense of rejection that she didn't quite like. The sudden insecurity that came with the thought that he may regret kissing her and was ready to send her off with her brother to rid himself of her, dispelled logic once again for her and she hated herself at the moment for being so weak. What did she care if he didn't want her? She didn't want him either, because she was in love with Blake. Esmee answered the question simply enough, she wanted Jared to want her for her people. _Right?_

Turning to her Jared leaned down to brush a kiss to her cheek and like before all doubts and worries fled her mind along with everything else, "I'll see you at dinner, Esmee." he said softly, giving her one of his wry smiles, "Enjoy your visit with your family." And after tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear he was off in the other direction, leaving her with a chuckling brother who she could barely muster up an annoyed face for. All Esmee seemed to be able to think in the moment was, _Kissing Blake had never felt like that…_

**Author's Note: **I know I promised you a wedding in this chapter, but with the long delay from my migraine I figured I'd give you the first part of the chapter so you wouldn't have to wait for me to finish the rest. The next chapter should be up by Monday as I'm already half way through.

Please review!


	8. Chapter 7

Esmee led Nolan to one of the gardens on the side of the house, which was smaller than the grand one at back, but since that was also the one that she had been caught with Blake in; she chose to avoid it for the time being. She couldn't imagine going anywhere close to that place after the shocking, though more than gratifying kiss she just shared with Jared. The memory was puzzling enough for Esmee without sending memories of Blake to the forefront of her brain.

The two walked in silence out of the castle, though Esmee could see her brother smirking as she stole one or two glances at him from the corner of her eye. She set her mouth firm, refusing to join in on his fun. He couldn't keep the humor in forever though and suddenly burst out laughing. Esmee shot him a heated glare, knowing full well he was laughing at her.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't expect to come to see you after three months and see you so…changed." Nolan teased, laughter still in his throat.

Esmee wondered what his reaction would be if he knew she had been sneaking out of the manor for seven months to meet Blake in the woods for escapades involving heavy kisses as well.

Deciding that ignoring him was a better way to steer the conversation away from the kiss that had happened upstairs with her betrothed; that was already confusing her enough without the embarrassment from her brother's mocking; she asked, "When did you find yourself back home?"

"A week ago." He answered, draping an arm around Esmee's shoulders and bringing her into his side, placing a kiss on top of her head, "I missed you, little sister."

"I missed you too." She answered smiling up at him and it was true. Esmee loved her older brother, despite the fact that they were as different as black and white. She may agree with her parents that he was wild and over young for his twenty years, he was a good man who no one could help but love. Esmee doubted she'd ever meet another person in her life that would be as charismatic as her brother, "How has father taken your return?"

"Father hasn't been talking to me much, which is never a good sign as you know. I'm waiting for him to finally blow over my little summer escapade. I know the fight will be one of our finest." Nolan said with a proud tone in his voice at being able to irk his father so much.

"How _was_ your little vacation?" Esmee asked, curious.

"Boring towards the end and not as satisfying as I wanted it to be. Brothels just no longer seem to hold the same appeal they once did." Nolan answered, looking down at her with a cheeky smile.

"I didn't need to know that Nolan." Esmee groaned, throwing her head back with exasperation.

"And I didn't need to see my little sister's tongue down a man's throat, but I got an eyeful of that, didn't I?" Nolan mocked, raising his eyebrows at her. Esmee hit him in response, since she couldn't think of a witty comeback at that moment she was so embarrassed.

"Maybe I'm finally ready to be a productive heir." Nolan said turning his eyes to the garden hedges in front of him, humor fading slightly, but not completely.

"Really?" Esmee asked, "What changed while you were gone?"

"My seventeen year old sister took responsibility for a feud that wasn't hers and agreed to marry a man she didn't know. I realized if you could do that for our people than I could be responsible enough to take care of them." Nolan said seriously.

Esmee had always known her brother had it in him though she thought it would take longer. If any actions of hers helped bring him to this point than not only was she proud of him but she was proud of herself as well.

"Besides, that sacrifice has worked out quite well for you, maybe I'll get the same luck." He laughed and she scowled.

"Do you want to be hit again?" Esmee asked mildly and Nolan laughed harder.

000

Esmee lay across her bed on her stomach, hands folded underneath her chin as she stared at the flames in the small hearth within the wall. Lanie was brushing invisible lint off her wedding dress, making sure it was in perfect condition for tomorrow.

Esmee turned to her, the side of her head resting on her arms and startled Lanie when she asked, "Are you married?" Lanie had never mentioned a husband but she wasn't someone who divulged in personal information, so Esmee wasn't sure about her status.

Lanie was surprised by Esmee's words, the lady having been quiet so long, but she quickly placed a smile upon her face as she answered, "No, My Lady, I am not. S'pose I haven't met the right man yet."

Esmee gave her a small smile at that, her memories of times with Blake alight in her head. She almost felt envy towards her handmaiden's life, though admonished herself for it, knowing she had been given much luck in her life. Almost too much, she thought, as she didn't feel remotely prepared enough for the role she was about to perform for the rest of her life.

"Do you think you'll know when you do?" Esmee asked, not thinking about the repercussions of her words, desperate for someone to reach out to at the late hour of her last night alone.

Lanie looked at Esmee for a long moment, worry creeping over her features at Esmee's current state, "I'm not sure, My Lady, as I've had very little experience in the subject of love." She giggled slightly and Esmee gave wan smile that urged Lanie to go on and forget her station for a moment, "I suppose though when the time comes I'll look for a man who is kind and has a true heart. Once this is proven I shall give him my love."

Esmee looked at Lanie, skeptical, as she pushed herself into a sitting position, "Can love work that way? Can you control it like that, do you think?"

"As I said, My Lady, I have never had any experience in the matter." Lanie said, cautious of the frantic look upon Esmee's face; though she was not worried for herself, knowing already Esmee would not take out her frustration upon her. No, Lanie was worried for her charge, having grown quite fond of her in the past month and a half and she could sense something unsettling surrounding the soon-to-be-queen that went far beyond a shy girl, fretting over her new position as wife the next day, "But from what I have seen the kind of love that lasts, is the kind that was grown slowly, with care from both sides. That's the kind of love I want." Lanie finished a smile on her face.

Esmee found herself grinning back, despite the heartache of just the possibility of loving someone other than her Blake. _Not her Blake anymore, _she reminded herself, trying to bring reality back in focus.

Lanie began to snuff out the candles around the room, except for the ones nearest the bed. Once she finished she turned back to Lady Esmee, "His Majesty is a good and fair king." Esmee looked up at her with eyes that had been forming a mist which was not lost on Lanie, "He loves his country severely and I know he'll do the same with you, My Lady, if you do not mind me saying."

Esmee smiled slightly, "I don't, do not worry."

Lanie nodded her head, "You'll be a good Queen for the Thidon as well, My Lady and a good wife. I'm happy he found you."

The guilt set in than worse than ever before and Esmee had a hard time breathing, feeling as if she was being swallowed up by the choices she has been able to make and the ones she couldn't make-such as loving Blake-and even long after Lanie left Esmee to sleep, she could not settle herself and the pressure on her heart felt it as if it suffocated her more each minute.

000

The chamber was void of any light, though it did not bother the occupant at all. His thoughts were dark after all, so it suited him just fine. The prince sipped brandy, while looking out his window and into the night, though his eyes caught nothing. In his head he was somewhere else entirely. Blake wanted to sneak into her room tonight through the secret passage way, but he couldn't. He couldn't risk Esmee not marrying his brother tomorrow because her affection for him was too strong. No, that wouldn't do at all. But after they were wed, well he'd work to make sure that affection would stay with him just enough.

000

It was the darkest time of the night when Esmee donned a simple dress over her night shift and fled to her mother and father's chambers. Having stepped past their footmen into the sitting area, she crept over to the bedroom door, knocking lightly before entering. Passing the side where her father lay she went straight for her mother; feeling guilty for the disturbance of her sleep, but much more desperate for it to stop her actions.

"Mother wake up." Esmee whispered, shaking her mother's shoulders lightly, praying her father wouldn't wake up along with her. She didn't particularly care to discuss this with him as well.

"Esmee? What on earth are you doing in here?" Catalina said, slowly rousing from her sleep.

"Please mother, come speak to me. _Please_." Esmee requested, the despair in her voice startling Catalina out of bed within the instant.

Walking out of the chambers into the living area Esmee turned to her mother, once Catalina had shut the door from connecting the antechamber to the bedchambers she confessed her delirious thoughts, "Mother I can't do this" Esmee flustered out quickly, anxiety covering every part of her tone.

Catalina walked up to her, brushing her hand across her daughter's cheek, "What? Yes you can." There was no need for her to ask what it was that Esmee was referring to.

"No I cannot" Esmee said again fiercely, "I feel as if my heart is being ripped out of my chest."

Finally putting two and two together Catalina almost fell back with shock, never once had she suspected such a thing before this moment. After a few calming breaths she regained herself enough to calm her face and nod gently, "There's someone else, isn't there?"

Esmee crumpled then, falling on the long settee, not being able to form words herself her mother rushed over to her, placing her arms around her, "Beloved, why did you never tell me?"

"Who is it?" Catalina asked gently, brushing her hand through Esmee's hair, bringing the girl's head down to her shoulder as if she was a child still. Esmee shook her head, not wanting to answer, which she was thankful her mother respected.

"Did he…" Catalina was unusually hesitant and Esmee looked up at her quizzically, "That is…" She paused again, "_are you still a maiden_?" She finally got out, rushed and under her breath, despite the lack of ears in the room to overhear the scandalous question, that depending upon the answer could shake the whole betrothal; being that they had promised the Thidon royals a virgin.

"Yes," Esmee was shocked at the suggestion, not that the thought hadn't run through her mind once or twice while kissing Blake; and his roaming hands she had to frequently put a stop to had been proof he thought the very same. But Esmee wanted to be a virginal bride, holding very tightly to her honor and not even trusting Blake enough to sacrifice that part of her without marriage vows in place.

"This man…does he still wish to be with you?" Catalina asked gently.

Esmee nodded, swiping the tears on her cheeks she hadn't realized were there until now, "Yes, but he also says that I need to marry Jared, despite his feelings for me." Esmee inhaled deeply, willing herself to calm down, "And I know it's necessary as well…" She choked on a sob, the finality of the situation weighing on her heavily, "But I cannot stop loving him."

Catalina pulled Esmee close again, "I know, beloved, I know." She kissed the top of her daughter's head gently, "I felt the same way." Catalina paused for a minute, wiping her daughter's tears from her face, "I'm so very happy now though that I ended up with your father. I love him far more than I ever thought possible. The only people who come before him to me are you and your brother." Esmee met her mother's eyes at that and attempted a smile that didn't quite fall through, "Believe it or not this will work out, Esmee." At Esmee's shaking head she continued on earnestly, "It _will_. I'm sorry that this decision had been made for you. But I swear, everything happens for a reason and I believe in my heart that if you open yourself up to Jared you will not be disappointed." She kissed her daughter's cheek, "He's falling for you fast, beloved. He will make you happy; maybe not today or tomorrow or even in the next six months, but I know deep down that you will be happy again."

Esmee couldn't imagine a life without Blake, let alone a happy one, but she let her mother's words soothe over her enough to walk back to her rooms and fall into a fitful sleep that she would soon be woken from to ready for her wedding.

000

Esmee's ladies-in-waiting and all her handmaidens were serving her this morning and her mother had been hovering around her all morning, anxious about her daughter's state of mind this morning after her visit the night before. Esmee found herself longing for the comfort of solitary, having so many women in her room causing the air to be tight. She felt her mask would slip any moment and that terrified her with the balance of peace on her shoulders at the moment.

Looking in the mirror Esmee barely recognized herself, as the blank face-which was accentuated by the hair pulled back into a high twist of curls-didn't match her mood. It was as if she was looking at an entirely different woman in a painting. She no longer felt a part of her own body. The girl before her wore the gold dress like a queen, but she wasn't a queen; at least not yet and Esmee couldn't imagine how she'd ever take over that role when just the thought made her hands shake uncontrollably.

Esmee finally pulled herself out of her dazed state when the Dowager Queen was announced. Stepping forward she bent down in a curtsey, knowing the servants and ladies behind her did the same. She rose first to greet Eveline, applying a fake smile upon her face she was sure the Dowager Queen would never know better of.

"Lady Esmee," Eveline began, her own ladies-in-waiting hanging over her shoulders, eyes glued on Esmee in a way that she had gotten used to in her short time at the castle. They were all too noisy for their own good, Esmee thought, "I have brought you some gifts to wear for the ceremony today."

The Dowager Queen turned to grab a box from one of her ladies-in-waiting and Esmee found herself standing on tip toes unconsciously to see what it was, like an excited child. Eveline opened the wooden box to present a beautiful gold necklace, with three teardrop yellow diamonds hanging down it, with the middle tear drop being larger than the rest; and above the necklace on either side were two matching teardrop earrings, "These are from the royal's jewelry collection. I thought it would go wonderfully with your dress. And here," She said again, holding her hand out next to her to signal her lady to pass over another, smaller box, as she passed the necklace and earrings over to Hazel, who stood dutifully behind Esmee. Then Eveline opened the smaller one to reveal bracelet made of chains of the tear dropped yellow diamonds, "I had this made especially for you, so you may have a piece of jewelry from your wedding that is yours completely."

Esmee was touched by the gesture and had the urge to hug the Dowager Queen though she curbed it, knowing that that action would not be appreciated by the woman standing before her. So instead Esmee smiled, the first real smile she had ever given Eveline, and said "Thank you, Your Majesty, they're beautiful and I will treasure the bracelet always."

000

Walking down the long aisle with a straight face took more strength than Esmee ever imagined she possessed, as her stomach seemed to tumble with each step. She kept her eyes straight, towards the High Priest at the front of the hall. Esmee didn't want to face Jared yet and she certainly refused to look within the crowds of people, fearing that if her eyes landed upon Blake, she'd lose all her bravado and run off in the other direction.

_Blake was in the past_, she told herself_, you'll never be with him again_, _so don't let your mind wander to him again_. It was easier said than done, but she'd try for the benefit of her people.

Jared held his hand out to her as she reached him, once she stepped beside him he turned to her, catching her eyes, giving her a comforting smile that actually managed to quiet Esmee's mind for a moment. She found herself sending him a smile of gratitude in return before turning her attention back to the high priest.

The High Priest raised his hands up briefly to the ceiling before lowering them once again to begin the ceremony, "We receive the blessing of the Gods upon these two souls, King Jared of Thidon and Lady Esmee of Kenon to be linked in matrimony."

The High Priest continued, but Jared paid very little attention to the words spoken before him, as he was too busy glancing at Esmee out of the corner of his eye. She looked gorgeous to the point of being earth shattering and he was filled with a sense of pride that she was about to become his wife, not to mention a sense of relief that they were finally at this point and he knew she would not be changing her mind.

Esmee's words began to flow through him as she spoke her vows, and though he could hear the soft tremble in her voice he knew it was not noticeable upon any other in the room and he praised her silently for her ability to stay strong under the pressure of nerves.

"By the power that the Gods brought to land, may thou love me. As the sun follows its course, may thou follow me. As light to the eye, as bread to the hungry, as joy to the heart; may thy presence be with me,  
one that I love, until death comes to part us asunder." She finished and managed to look up into his eyes without flinching at the lack of blue ones she desired to be before her.

It was Jared's turn as he repeated the vows and then slid the sapphire wedding ring upon Esmee's finger. She gulped as she looked down upon the symbol of an everlasting relationship with the man before her. Esmee would have found the ring very beautiful if it wasn't for that fact.

"And now with a kiss we seal your marriage until death bids you farewell. You are now husband and wife."

With no warning Jared's hands wrapped around Esmee's waist, pulling her close and his lips met hers in a regrettably brief kiss. When he pulled back Esmee kept one hand on his shoulder to keep balance so she would not tumble backwards from the gravity of what had just happened.

_Until death bids you farewell_, rang in her ears as the crowd cheered.

000

Esmee made it through the ceremony without vomiting or fainting, which she felt was an accomplishment in itself. She thought she hid her nerves well, but Jared seemed to pick up on her, as he grasped her waist tightly with one arm as he led her to the ballroom where they would greet the court and eat their wedding dinner, then dance in celebration.

Before they reached the double doors that would lead them into the ballroom and just out of earshot of the footmen waiting, Jared stopped drawing her body to his chest, "You look beautiful, Esmee." Before Esmee could respond to the compliment his hands gripped her around the curve of her waist, pulling her up onto her tip toes and lowered his mouth to hers for a soul crushing kiss.

She had been surprised at first by the action, but quickly it dissipated along with everything else and she met him with as much fire as he gave; pushing herself into his chest tighter, wrapping her arms around his neck and one hand crept into his hair, pulling his mouth harder into hers. Esmee felt him grow against her stomach and wasn't quite innocent enough not to know what it was, but at the moment didn't couldn't find it in her heart to care and pull back in shame.

Jared slowed the kiss and eventually pulled reluctantly back from her, though he didn't release her for several moments after, marveling in the flushed look upon her face. To him she was the most beautiful sight in the entire world. He sent another silent thanks to the Gods for bringing her to him, for she far surpassed his expectations of a wife.

Esmee tried to catch her breath as she looked up at him; as the shocking revelation that not only had kissing Blake never felt like that, but the feeling was better than what she shared with him, fell over her. The realization terrified her, as she loved Blake and didn't want to want anyone more than she wanted him. _What would that make her?_ Esmee thought, _A wanton no doubt._

"We should probably head in." Esmee said quietly, breaking the silence between them, her cheeks turning red as she just remembered the footmen who though out of earshot were certainly not far enough away not to have seen them kissing so passionately.

Jared cleared his throat as he let go of her waist and stepped back, "You are right." Offering his arm to her he asked, "Are you ready?" at her nod they made their way to the doors for the beginning of the wedding celebration.

000

"Shouldn't I be in his room?" Esmee asked with naiveté, not having done anything like this before. Sitting upon the wide, padded bench at the end of her new bed in her new chambers made for the Queen, as she was now Jared's wife; Esmee wore nothing but a white, silk nightgown and a wrap that lay open. Around her servants turned down the bed and ladies-in-waiting brushed her hair so it fell down her back as gently as her silk night clothes and touched up her make up, so she would look flawless when her husband came to her. The Dowager Queen Eveline and her mother were in there as well to chaperone the preparations or to offer support, Esmee wasn't quite clear on which.

Eveline raised her eyebrows at this question, "A Queen never goes to the King. He comes to her." Eveline answered stiffly. _A failed test_, Esmee thought.

Looking over at the mother she caught the glance Lady Catalina sent the Dowager Queen's way and if she could guess what her mother's much hidden expression meant she would say it was pity. Esmee thought about this for a moment. Though Kenon Manor had separate chambers for the lord and lady, she knew her parents did not sleep apart, having crawled into bed with the two of them as a child when a nightmare frightened her and made shadows against the wall into monsters. But she doubted the Dowager Queen had had a marriage anything like her parents. Thinking of what it must have been like to be married to King Adan, Esmee imagined it had not been a picnic and was suddenly very grateful for a husband like Jared, despite her lack of love she felt for him.

Once all the duties were performed, Eveline dismissed the ladies-in-waiting and handmaidens, leaving just the Dowager Queen, Lady Catalina, and Esmee within the room. The latter feeling the least comfortable with the arrangement, preferring no one else knowing what she'd be doing tonight, despite realistically realizing everyone would know.

Catalina walked up to Esmee and placed a comforting hand upon her shoulder, "Esmee, is there anything you need explained to you?" She said the words with an emotionless front though Esmee knew that she found the topic unsettling.

She gave her mother a bated smile, "I think the first conversation we had about the marriage bed was uncomfortable enough that there will be no need for a repeat." Esmee teased making her mother smile back. Esmee even noticed the corner of the Dowager Queen's mouth turn up slightly at the remark, making Esmee feel quite satisfied.

"Alright then, beloved," Catalina said, bending down to place a kiss upon her daughter's forehead, "I bid you well as I take leave. I love you."

"I love you too." Esmee answered softly as she watched the two women exit her bedchambers, softly closing the door behind them.

As soon as she was alone her shoulders sagged, though she couldn't find it in her ability to make any other movement. Esmee supposed most women would be fidgeting right about now, running anxious hands through their hair and down their dress; pacing their new chambers endlessly until they were met with their husband for the first time. But Esmee couldn't move, she was frozen in place. She couldn't tell if she was breathing or blinking or if blood was pumping from her heart. The thought of what was going to happen shortly frightened her beyond the word nervous. All the romantic notions of what her marriage would be based on and the reality of what this marriage she had found herself in was truly based on, rocked her and threw out all she had prepared for.

Though Esmee found him to be a good man and devastatingly handsome, and also found herself to enjoy his kisses, she did not love him, she loved his younger brother; the man she had assumed for she'd be married to and experiencing a wedding night with. The fantasy of this did not leave her easily, even with Jared's ring on her finger and sitting within his wing of the castle. Having anyone but Blake touch her so intimately felt a betrayal not only to him but to her own heart.

But with all of that, Esmee knew her job; she knew her role as wife, a role she could not escape now with the vows in place. She was expected to bear the King's heirs and she would do everything in her power not to let him down; even if she couldn't even contemplate how she'd make it through the process at this moment.

Jared entered through the double doors lining the side; she hadn't looked around her new quarters yet, but could guess those led into his own chambers. He had divested himself of his outer coats, and came to her in only an under tunic and breeches, looking even more appealing in this brawny state.

_Well at least our children will be beautiful_, Esmee thought trying to hold onto some semblance of positivity in her fear.

Jared drifted over to her as Esmee sat still frozen upon the bench under her. Once he stood in front of her she willed herself to look up into his dark brown eyes and for a minute let the comfort they brought rush over; just long enough for Jared to take her hand and pull her gently from her seat, to stand before him, cradled against his chest; one hand pressed against the small of her back and the other caressing her cheek and then brushing the hair back behind her ear.

Esmee trembled in his arms and it wasn't lost on Jared for a second, nor did the look of pure terror in Esmee's sea eyes that he noticed the second he walked into the room. This was far more than just the nerves of a virgin he knew and he frantically wished for a way to soothe her other than what he was about to do. But he could think of nothing.

Leaning down he kissed her gently on the cheek, then looked into her eyes as he said, "Sleep well, Esmee."

As he let go of her and turned back to his chambers she grabbed onto his arm, "What? Where are you going?" she asked wildly, ideas almost as horrid as what she was expecting to happen tonight flooding her mind.

Jared read her easily as he gave her one of his smiles, "I am going to bed, it's been a long day and I have no doubt tomorrow will be as well."

"But…" She said earnestly, "Aren't you going to…" Esmee couldn't finish the sentence but had enough faith in Jared's intelligence to know he knew quite well what she meant, "Don't you want me?" Esmee asked stricken, the sudden realization that her husband was rejecting her before they ever made it to bed throwing insecurities into her she had never imagined she had before.

"Esmee…" Jared said softly, putting his arms back around her, "I want you more than you could possibly know." And though pressing against him allowed Esmee to feel the evidence of that statement, she couldn't imagine why he'd be saying no if that were the case. He kissed her forehead before he continued, "You can't imagine how happy I am to have you as my wife. You are kind, clever, and strikingly beautiful." He kissed her lightly on the lips before pulling back with obvious reluctance, "And you are so self-sacrificing. But this is one thing I do not want you sacrificing for me. You are frightened, I can see that clearly and I would be taking you only under the permission that you are my wife and you feel this gives me rights to your body. To me, Esmee, that is force and I will never use it upon you, especially not in bed."

"But," Esmee started, shocked at herself for talking him out of this when she had been so anxious not five minutes prior at the thought of consummating their marriage, "I must conceive a child…"

Jared shrugged with nonchalance, "We will not stay abstinent forever, Esmee, believe me on that." He winked at her and despite herself she smiled, "We will just wait until you're comfortable with the act. When you're ready, you come to me."

"What if I'm never ready?" Esmee asked faintly, "What if this is as I will always be at the thought?"

Jared shook his head, "I promise that will not be the case." Esmee wished she had the same level of confidence as him.

"I need to give you an heir…" She argued again-though her voice was so soft you could hardly call it that- knowing what was expected of her and what the country needed her to do.

"You will, just not now; not when you're not ready. You're only seventeen, Esmee. It's not as if you're going to go barren any time soon, so don't look so worried." He finished lightly, hoping to soothe her melancholy mood.

Jared kissed her forehead again and stepped away to walk back through the doors, before he forgot her honor and his self-control and tried to seduce her right then. She looked far too delectable in her nightgown. When her voice rang out behind him though, saying "Thank you." the sincerity in it gave him the reassurance he needed that this was the right choice, as he spent his wedding night alone.

**Author's note: **There will probably be a few spelling/grammar errors in this (or more than a few) because I'm exhausted and my mind probably isn't clear enough to edit it properly. I wanted to put this chapter up for you all though, since I won't have internet until early next week. I figured I left you all hanging far enough. I'll probably end up editing it again and replacing the chapter once my internet is back up. Hopefully though it's clear enough for the moment and you enjoyed this latest addition.


	9. Chapter 8

**J Luc Pitard: **I agree fully. I don't think Blake can last very long against his brother's charm ;) and I'm glad you enjoyed that part about her coming to him versus his father's ideas of how a marriage should work. I actually hadn't meant to add the conversation where Eveline states that, but it just kind of flowed out while I was writing. Thanks so much for the review!

**SmellofRoses: ** Welcome new follower! I'm so happy you're enjoying this story and don't worry, if I decide to be a cruel author and have Esmee not end up with Jared, I'll give you first grabs at him! Lol. And thank you very much! My head does feel better. I still have a couple tension headaches come and go but nothing like that one week. Hopefully that won't be happening again anytime soon. Not fun.

000

Stina led Esmee down to court the afternoon after her wedding; both of their groups of ladies-in-waiting tittering a few steps behind them, excited to be making way to the gossip mill that was the great hall at this time of the day. Stina stayed close to Esmee, arms linked with hers and led the conversation, which Esmee didn't mind, as she wasn't much of a talker herself and enjoyed Stina's easy attitude that offered her a bit of respite from deep thoughts.

"Lady Yolanda told me about this seamstress in the city who makes her dog's clothing. I thought I'd send a messenger to her to come and fit Pyre for some outfits." Stina said giggling.

Esmee burst out laughing at the random suggestion that was completely ridiculous. _What on earth would any dog need with clothing, let alone a wolf?_ "You want to dress my wolf up?" Esmee managed to get out while attempting to calm her chuckles.

"He'd look so darling!" Stina said with a mischievous smile upon her face that Esmee was sure she used many times to get her way.

"I'm not sure Pyre would agree…" Esmee replied, not being able to even bring a picture up in her mind of her pet in clothing.

"Oh pish! He won't even notice it's there and it would be_ so_ fun." Stina continued to argue and though Esmee highly doubted Pyre wouldn't notice she found herself relenting to her sister-in-law's request solely because she was adorable.

_Gods help me when I have children, they'll get away with everything, _Esmee thought and oddly enough it didn't engulf her the way the idea had just a day or two before. Esmee figured it had to with the optimistic atmosphere Stina gave off and if she hadn't planned on relenting anyways, she would have done so for that reason alone.

"Very well, have at it, dear. But if Pyre bites this pet seamstress he and I are not to blame." Esmee conceded with mock severity.

Stina squealed in excited at her new project as they reached the doors to the great hall, causing Esmee to giggle along with.

Once they entered the great hall the occupants bowed to Stina and Esmee as they made their way to the front of the chamber. Though Esmee would not be Queen until her coronation in two days, as her status as King Jared's wife, she was higher ranking than anyone in the room, including her sister-in-law. This was uncomfortably new to Esmee, feeling as if too much revolved around her now, and the weight on her shoulders would tip her over at any moment. She wondered if this was how Jared felt all the time-it was hard to tell with his stoic behavior-and found herself slightly surprised that her heart ached thinking of Jared having some much to bear.

"Oh look, it's our brothers!" Stina said, pointing towards the two men who were in fact together off the side, talking with goblets of wine in their hands.

Noticing that the brother she spoke of was Blake, made Esmee's breath catch in her throat and her good mood dropped instantly. She had hoped she would be able to avoid him a little bit longer after the wedding, especially with the way he had watched her all night long at the banquet following the wedding ceremony. He was hurt, Esmee imagined, just as much as she was and it pained her that he'd have a constant reminder of her marriage because she lived in the same home as him; as large as it was.

Stina waved to the two men as they walked over and Esmee forced herself to stand up straighter, clasping her hands in front of her stomach to keep them from shaking the way they always did when Blake was around. She feared not only hurting him but risking someone finding out about their past relationship. What kind of scandal would ensue after that? Would Jared annul the marriage after he found out? It would be easy after all, they hadn't consummated anything. These were worries that Esmee feared she'd live with every day along with her love for Blake.

The men greeted them with polite bows, which seemed ridiculous since they were all related now. But Esmee learned quickly that during court it was always best to keep etiquette, despite familiarity, so she supposed that was what these two were doing.

"I hadn't expected the His Majesty to let you up for air today." Nolan teased as he sent his sister a sly smile.

Esmee kicked his shin in answer which caused a chorus of laughter from Stina and Nolan, though Blake stayed quiet. _Etiquette and propriety be damned with a comment like that._

Esmee was ashamed her brother would say such a thing in front of Blake, who she was sure was crushed by any mention of the night before. Not that her brother knew of her relationship with Blake, nor did anything actually happen that Blake would need to feel dishearten over; but nonetheless she couldn't imagine what she would do if Blake had gotten married the day before and she had to hear talks of the extra matrimonial activities.

"Esmee! I didn't know you had such behavior in you." Stina admonished mockingly.

"My brother is the only one so far in my life with the talent to bring it out in me." Esmee answered dryly, as Nolan stood there looking quite pleased with himself.

"I find my brothers have the same ability." Stina answered, shooting a glance at Blake who barely seemed to register his sister's comment as he was staring too intently at Esmee; which caused Stina to frown.

The tense posture Esmee produced at the arrival of Blake, had not been lost on Stina, who immediately wondered what her brother had done to make her sister-in-law uncomfortable. In truth Stina hadn't liked the way Blake had watched Esmee since her arrival at the castle when he thought no one was looking. It bordered on dangerous possession, Stina thought and it worried her.

"Lord Nolan, how are you finding our home? My brother tells me you trained here before?" Stina asked, a large smile back upon her face; hoping if she kept a conversation going that no one else in their group would notice Blake's looks and he would eventually find himself back to reality. The urge to pinch him was strong, but she curbed it knowing it would just bring more attention to what her brother was doing.

Nolan smiled back at Stina charmingly, "I'm being quite entertained actually; not as much as my first stay, but if it continues on this track it'll even top then."

"I highly doubt that." Blake answered, a secret smile on his face, finally falling into the conversation after daydreaming about the petite woman standing next to his old friend.

Nolan turned to his sister, a knowing smile on his face that made her blush as she remembered him walking in on her and the King, during their first kiss with each other. After distressing his little sister just enough he looked back at Blake, "I don't know, I'm becoming more surprised every day."

Blake raised his eyebrows at Nolan in curiosity as Esmee held herself back from kicking her brother again, or stomping on his foot, possibly even pulling the strawberry blonde hair that matched her own like she had when she was five and he had stolen her doll from her.

She was distracted by these tempting ideas when through the doors walked the King and all-including herself-dropped into bows or curtsies. Ignoring everyone else Jared walked right up to her, raising her from her low position on the ground.

"Good day, Esmee." Jared said once she stood up. Slowly the other members of the court followed suit around the room.

"Good day." Esmee answered, slightly shy knowing that everyone in the room thought they had gone to bed together the night before and were most likely thinking about it as they watched the King with his wife.

"Care to dine with me for lunch?" Jared asked, noting Blake's fixated gaze on the two of them behind Esmee's back. Choosing to ignore his brother he turned his eyes back down to the sweet face before him who had answered with a simple "yes",

"Come with me." he said, taking her hand, leading her out of the court; aware he had been rude by not acknowledging the other people in the small group she had been conversing with when he had walked in. But the need to get her away from his brother was great, as he hadn't liked Blake's interest in the two of them in the slightest.

Turning back to her, Jared wrapped an arm around Esmee's waist, pulling her into his side, "I thought we could dine in the conservatory again."

Esmee looked up at him flashing a smile of delight, not one of the forced ones he had already learned to pick up on, "That sounds wonderful."

Esmee chuckled slightly as she remembered their first and last meal in the conservatory together, and the conversation she had had about Pyre's dog bed and how ridiculous he thought that was.

"Something funny?" Jared asked, brows raised in question.

"You're sister has decided to bring in a dog seamstress to fit Pyre with some outfits." Esmee answered, laughing fully at just the thought.

"They have dog seamstresses?" Jared looked positively appalled making Esmee laugh harder.

"Apparently." Esmee said, "I didn't have the heart to tell her no, so poor Pyre will just have to put up with it."

Jared groaned, "My sister…I swear I'm going to have to marry her off in the next two years. I think she may need a child to dress up."

"She told me once she hopes I give her nieces." Esmee answered quietly, slowly warming up to the idea of children; at least just enough to talk hypothetically about them; as she was beginning to accept that she was married now and there wasn't much she could change about that fact.

Jared smiled down at her, the image of Esmee holding a babe in her arms hitting him so profoundly that in that second he almost thought he would give anything to have that dream become a reality. But that wasn't true, he wasn't willing to give up Esmee's comfort for it, so he'd wait until he could seduce her to the point that there was no doubt in her mind that his bed was where she wanted to be. Children could wait, though felt a new surge of hope that it wouldn't take too long for them to reach that point.

"I'm glad you can mention children without nearly fainting today." Jared whispered in her ear, instead of allowing her to know the fantasy running through his mind.

Esmee looked up at him, horrified, "What do you mean by that?"

They had reached the conservatory at this point, so he chose not to answer the question at first; wanting to sit her down for that serious of a discussion with no other ears around. Once they went through the doors leading to the bright room he quickly dismissed all staff and helped her into her chair; mindful all along of her urgent expression.

"You didn't think I noticed that every time the topic of children came up you looked stricken? Or that each day that brought you closer to our wedding it was if you were walking further into your own grave?" Jared stated calmly, as if the words and the truth behind them didn't sting him.

"That's not true." Esmee argued earnestly.

"It is." Jared said patiently and Esmee found herself almost wishing he wasn't being gentle and understanding; it made her feel even worse that she couldn't be the wife he deserved, "That's one of the reasons I'm leaving it open to you for when we progress." Jared grabbed her hand that had been grasping onto the ledge of the table as if holding on in case of a blow. He rubbed his fingers over her knuckles hoping to assuage the tightness within her body.

There were questions Jared desperately wanted to ask, as he thought more and more about their predicament, namely the aversion she had had from the start to their marriage. Though he had understood that Esmee wasn't the type of girl to take the job as Queen lightly-as she was no ignorant girl chasing after a dream of a pretty crown, dresses, and absolute power-and that she most likely hadn't been happy at the prospect of being married off to a man she didn't know; the more he got to know her the more he had to contemplate the possibility there was more to her reluctance than that.

Esmee was a dutiful young woman, who clearly loved her people deeply and knew her responsibility to them; and also had most likely known since a young age she would be betrothed to someone she didn't necessarily love. So why was she having such a hard time adjusting to being Jared's wife? Jared had refused to go too in-depth with that question so far, because there was one nagging answer that felt like a punch to his gut.

But looking at her now, those gorgeous ocean eyes of hers staring at him through dark eyelashes, Jared couldn't escape the possibility that there had been someone in her life before their betrothal, and that's why she wasn't able to embrace the life she now lived.

Jared kept this suspicion to himself though, having no evidence on the matter and nothing more than his instinct to go on with this theory; which he had never been one to rely on before anyhow. He was a man of logic and couldn't figure out what it was about his wife that seemed to cut through those traits and bring out a whole new person that he hadn't known existed.

What Esmee did next shocked Jared, as instead of answering him in words she rose from her chair to stand in front of his. Instinctively his hands reached out to her waist, pulling her even closer so she was practically straddling the arm of his chair. Placing her small hands on his shoulders she leaned down, kissing him softly on the mouth.

Jared's grip on Esmee's waist tightened as their kiss became deeper, stronger and he pushed his chair slightly out, so he could pull her down upon his lap, never breaking the contact of their lips. One hand ran up her body, until it reached the nape of her neck and began to lightly massage the skin there, causing a moan from her to spill through her mouth in his. The other splayed against her small back, nearly the entire width; she was so petite to his broad.

Pulling back, Esmee slowly opened her eyes to look into his, seeing raw desire and affection in them; a complete turn from his usual constrain against any forward emotions. She found herself wanting all the hidden parts of Jared to be unleashed with her; longed to see the side of him that he kept under guard as King of Thidon.

Esmee wasn't sure exactly what had caused her to kiss him, but she knew partly it had to do with the brief look of hurt (though quickly concealed) that had flashed over his face as he spoke the simple truth that Esmee wasn't as invested into their marriage as she should be. Esmee wanted to console Jared, and a strange and fantastical part of her was beginning to wish there could be two of her; so no one would be hurt in this untidy of arrangements that was called marriage and alliance.

Realizing she was still sitting on the Jared's lap, Esmee blushed, standing up with the dignity she had left. Smoothing down invisible creases in her dress, that gave her an excuse not to look directly at Jared until she was more composed, she felt a hand reach out to rub her back gently; stifling her breath suddenly.

Jared stood up behind her, hands still on her waist as he brushed her hair-only half tied back-over her shoulder as he leaned his mouth down to shoulder, offering a simple kiss to it, "You're adorable when you blush."

She turned her head to the side to look at him, "Are you making fun of me?"

Jared smirked at this, planting a soft kiss to her forehead, "Never; But I am admiring you."

"We should really eat before the food becomes cold." Esmee was managed to get out, despite her lack of breath at their close proximity; wondering how she could be in love with one brother and dangerously attracted to the other at the same time.

"You're right." Kissing her forehead again he gestured for her to sit back down, "So no more distractions, dear wife. You'll just have to wait until later." Jared winked at her, causing Esmee to flush again at his words.

000

"Come in." Jared answered the knock at his study's door without bothering to look up from the booklets holding information about this year's crop growth in the south that were strewn across his desk. Once he noticed it was his sister though, he did and gave her a nod in greeting, gesturing to the seat in front of him, knowing Stina wouldn't interrupt him unless it was a matter of importance.

Stina took it, sliding gracefully into the seat and putting both hands on her lap, "I'm sorry to disturb you, Jared."

Jared brushed her off with an easy gesture before asking, "Is there something the matter?" he knew his sister enough to know the instant he looked at her that she had something weighing on her mind, confirming that she did indeed have something important to discuss with him.

"I wanted to speak to you…" Stina said, hesitant in the delicacy of what she was about to bring up into conversation, unusually without the ability to find the right words.

Jared closed the booklet in front of him, taking a seat himself at his desk, giving his undivided attention to Stina, "What is it?" he asked gently.

"It's Blake." Stina murmured finally, though still not quite positive how to broach the topic entirely, guessing that Jared's feelings for Esmee were growing deeper and deeper each day.

Jared leaned back in his chair at that, brushing his hands through his hair, "What has he done now?"

Stina shook her head, "Nothing yet…that I know of." Taking a deep breath she continued, "I've noticed him watching Esmee…a lot." Stina locked eyes with her brother, despite the difficulty of the words.

Jared sat back up straight, "What do you mean?" He asked soberly.

Stina shrugged her shoulders in an attempt at casualness, "I'm sure it's nothing, but there's something about his gazes I do not like and I think it's affecting Esmee as well. She gets tense whenever he's near. I think he makes her uncomfortable."

What could Jared say to that? He had noticed the looks as well, starting at the ball a month and a half ago, the one he had found Blake and Esmee speaking privately to one another in the garden. Since then Blake had seemed to stay away from Esmee but his sister was right, the lingering glances had remained. Until now though Jared had tried to brush it off, arguing to himself that his jealousy after what happened in the garden was getting the better of him, causing him to imagine something that was not there. But here was Stina-a girl much brighter and aware than she allowed to show-bringing him her own concerns over Blake.

"I think he lusts after her, Jared." Stina stated bluntly.

Jared kept his composure, though just that particular idea made his blood boil in a way he hadn't felt in years. Not since his father was alive and he was fighting a losing battle against a lunatic's destruction of all that Jared held dear.

"I warned him away from her." Jared finally managed to get out, voice tight attempting to keep his control.

Stina shook her head, "And if he were smart he would have heeded that warning; but you know Blake, he lets his jealousy of you get the best of him. He has to have everything you have."

"Well he's out of luck this time." Jared nearly growled out, "Esmee's my wife and I trust her enough not to betray me with him."

"I don't believe she would either." Stina said vehemently, worried that's what her brother thought she was getting it, "Esmee is certainly not the type to do such a thing, but Blake doesn't have nearly the same moral code. I think you should watch him, make sure he's not up to something."

Jared nodded his head, "Already being done." Stina raised her eyebrows at this, but didn't ask anything further, recognizing the tone in Jared's voice that stated he would confess nothing further.

Stina stood to take her leave, but before walking out the door she turned back to Jared, "I really do like Esmee, Jared. I think she's good for our family and our country. I'm happy she's the one you ended up with."

Jared glanced at his sister, giving her one of his discreet smiles, "So am I."

**Author's Note: **This is a shorter chapter than I normally post on this story. But I was having difficulties with the rest of it and decided to leave that scene for the next chapter, so you guys could get an update faster. Let me know what you think!


	10. Chapter 9

**J Luc Pitard: **That question you asked will definitely be answered and play a big role later on. Do not worry ;) And I know…people who dress up animals make me nervous as well. Lol.

000

Esmee walked softly out of her chambers to the ones that had been hers when she had first came to the castle, repeating all the reasons what she was doing was wrong silently; but consoling herself nonetheless with the determination that she would never do anything that would forsake the vows she gave her husband.

Navigating in the pitch black of the hallway with no light by pressing her hands against the wall to feel her way to her destination, too scared to have brought a candle in case somehow it magically seeped into Jared's chambers or out of their wing to the guards standing watch; Esmee finally made it to the chambers she had slept in only two nights ago; yet so much had changed since then as her future had been finalized.

Once she reached the dressing room and listened for several moments for any footsteps in search for her, Esmee allowed herself a sigh of relief before pushing the secret door open a crack, coming face to face with a torch in the hands of a handsome man her conscience knew she shouldn't be meeting. But Esmee had promised Blake they could remain friends and he had requested her presence claiming to have missed her company. She couldn't deny the look of pain upon his face at the time, despite knowing sneaking around behind her husband's back was beyond wrong; regardless if she knew she wouldn't be doing anything with Blake other than talking.

"Take my hand." Blake said, holding his out towards her.

Esmee looked down at the outreached hand, and then back at him meeting his eyes with what she was sure was a look of apprehension; knowing that touching the man she loved while married to another was anything but loyal. How would she feel if Jared did this to her? Esmee was surprised that just the thought of that made her heart stop.

Blake gave her an exasperated sigh before smiling at her, the charming smile that had made her weak at the knees just a few short months ago. _Oh how I miss him_, nearly brought tears to her eyes.

"I promise to behave myself, beautiful. I just don't want you slipping down the stairs and breaking your neck. That might be hard to explain to your family." Blake finished with a wink.

Esmee was satisfied with that reasoning, so she stretched out her hand to take his as she stepped down next to him; using every ounce of self-control in her body not to squeeze his hand that was covering hers as was so familiar for her to do.

Esmee walked two steps behind Blake, which was as much distance as she could put between the two of them while still holding his hand and not risking slipping into the dark abyss of the stairwell. Slowly the two made their way down the steps and through several hallways before Blake stood in front of a spot on the wall that looked like any other, but pushed regardless and the wall crept forward a bit, then with his arm that was not holding the torch, Blake slide it to the side, revealing a room with a simple set up of furniture.

Stepping into the room, Esmee realized the door he had made, had been a bookcase on this side, seemingly built into the wall and completely ordinary if you didn't know about the secret passageway behind it. Esmee instantly wondered where the other concealed openings were within the castle.

"Come, sit. This is a parlor that I've never seen used before, but I bolted the door anyways. Do not worry, love, no one will know we are here." Blake's voice broke out from behind her, as he laid a gentle hand on the small of her back leading her to a chair.

"You shouldn't call me 'love'." Esmee said, half-heartedly as she took the seat, frowning when Blake took the one directly next to her. She found herself scooting as far as she could in the chair away from his to keep a respectable distance from this man who was far too dangerous for her.

"Old habits die hard." Blake replied, soberly.

_Don't I know it, _Esmee thought bitterly as she chose to look anywhere other than Blake's direction, scolding herself internally for agreeing to friendship when the truth was that just looking at him tore her to pieces. Now being so close to him and alone, it took all her resolve not to reach out and touch him, to kiss him and whisper words of love into his ear. How Blake could sit there so calm was beyond Esmee's comprehension as the war continued to fight within her.

"How are you finding married life?" Blake asked suddenly, drawing Esmee's eyes back to him with a sharp turn of her head.

"It's fine, I suppose." Esmee answered cautiously. This was the last thing she wanted to talk to Blake about, the topic being too painful for the both of them.

"Is he treating you well?" Blake asked, the portrait of concern causing Esmee's heart to melt even more for him.

"Very." Esmee replied, not being able to help the small smile across her face at the thought of how considerate Jared had been with her since the day she met him. Then the guilt set in as she looked back at Blake, knowing that her heart was a traitor to Jared, even if her body wasn't, "He has been very patient, not pushing me in any way that most husbands would have."

"What do you mean by that?" Blake asked, voice a tad bit harsh, confusing Esmee; though she figured it had something to do with his feelings for her.

"We really shouldn't discuss such things…" Esmee answered and it was true enough, because she could already see where this conversation was heading and it wasn't a topic she should discuss with any brother-in-law of hers, let alone one she was in love with.

"There's a rumor going around the court that you never consummated the marriage." Blake said bluntly, as if she hadn't said anything.

"What?! Who's saying that?" Esmee asked, shocked and appalled that such information had found its way out of her bedroom and all the implications that could ensue.

"Everyone is discussing it." Blake answered simply, "I'm not sure the original source, though most likely it stems from your ladies-in-waiting since no one else in court would have intimate knowledge of your bed sheets."

"Oh Gods." Esmee gasped horrified that such private knowledge was being passed around the entire noble population and possibly now within the commoner circles.

"Is it true?" Blake asked, laying a gentle hand upon her forearm and only then did Esmee realize her fists were clenched against each arm of the chair.

"Blake! We will not have this conversation." Esmee admonished in a harsh whisper, as she pulled her arm away from his touch.

"My brother needs an heir…" Blake said, trying to grab her hand this time but she pulled back and stood, putting at least five paces between them. She was betraying her husband enough as is; Esmee would not allow herself to fall into Blake's comforting touch as well, despite the overwhelming desire. Jared was her husband and the only one with rights to her body now.

"Do you think I do not know that?" Esmee answered after a moment.

"Is he denying you then?" Blake asked, a look of surprise spreading over his face, as if the idea seemed preposterous to him.

Then he swept his eyes down her form as if looking for a flaw in Esmee's body that might deter a husband from her bed, and Esmee had the sudden urge to slap him, never having felt offended by Blake before this instant and completely disheartened that he could even think such thoughts. _Did he find something wrong with her? Did Jared?_

"No, he's being a gentleman. He's waiting for me to be ready." Esmee answered huffily, fighting the urge to cross her arms over her chest like a child.

Blake sighed, running his hands through his hair as he looked away from her, "You might want to get ready, Esmee. Tongues are wagging and with the current state of the country the need for a new generation of heirs is imperative." Blake said quietly, "If the people think you won't be giving them one they'll become uneasy; which in normal cases wouldn't be much of a world in peril problem, but after my father's reign…" Blake shook his head, "Well maybe a child…a _son_ would give the people hope." He spoke the rest while looking straight into her eyes and she felt the enormity of the situation settling onto her lungs, causing her breath to halt.

"Are you pushing me to lay with your brother? _You_?" Esmee asked, her heart breaking that he could talk so casually about this as if they had never happened; as if they hadn't loved each other and hadn't hoped for a future where it was them who were married, "Do you care so little for me suddenly that you can sit there and talk of my bedding Jared as if it is everyday _business_?"

Blake stood as well then, reaching out to her, but she stepped back, keeping at least three paces between them now. She may love this man who was currently ripping her apart, but she had taken another as her husband, "Esmee, I love you, I always will. I wish behind all else that it could be I in his place, but Esmee…this is for Thidon, _our_ country. I have to put aside my feelings for the sake of the kingdom. As do you." He finished softly, trying again to reach out to her, but Esmee wouldn't have it as she stepped back further.

Esmee was nearly in tears with each word he spoke, "Please can we just stop talking about this? I cannot continue this conversation with you…"

"Of course, but please think on what I've said here, Esmee." Blake answered; sitting again.

Esmee couldn't help but feel as if in that moment something changed dramatically. What exactly she couldn't have said, but something was certainly different and nothing would ever be the same again, leaving the future an open empty space that Esmee had no preparation for.

000

Esmee was beginning to think her new life revolved solely around dress fitting, as she looked upon herself in her bedchamber's mirror; while the seamstress, Deirdre, made final adjustments upon her coronation dress. It was gorgeous, though heavy; white silk made the outer layer, the top form fitting against her stays with a low square neckline and long sleeves that pointed at the wrist. Then at the waist it flowed out, a long train in the back. Her dress was traditional for a Thidon Queen's coronation, making Esmee feel a part of this royal family for the first time.

"Beautiful." was heard faintly from behind Esmee as she turned her head around to look at the joining doors that led to her husband's chambers. Deidre also heard, quickly scrambling up just to lower herself into a curtsey. Jared paid her no mind though as he walked closer to his wife, eyes only on her as he raked over her slowly several times.

Still ignoring the seamstress, Jared pulled his wife forward by the waist then leaned down to kiss her without a by your leave; shocking Esmee for only a moment before she kissed him back urgently. No time to remember their audience or wonder at his intense reaction upon seeing her.

Only after Jared pulled away from her, pressing a chaste kiss upon her forehead that seemed ridiculous after the feverish kisses he had just given her, did Esmee remember Deirdre who was looking at the floor, barely suppressing a smile. Esmee instantly blushed, causing her husband to smirk.

"There's that adorable blush again." He whispered in her ear, before kissing her cheek.

"Jared!" She exclaimed, with mock severity, turning to Deirdre Esmee said kindly, "Why don't you go in the sitting room and have some wine? I'm sure you could use a break with all the work you've done on the dress. Please, sit and relax. I'll call you back in a few minutes."

"Yes, My Lady." Deirdre answered, happy for a break though slightly disappointed to miss the interaction between the King and Queen that she found quite romantic herself. Leaving the room she couldn't help smiling at Lady Esmee who returned it.

Once they heard the doors to the sitting area click Esmee turned her attention fully back to Jared, who hadn't seemed to take his off of her for an instant, he was staring at her so intently. Esmee raised her eyebrows in question at this.

Jared answered by shaking his head and pulling her even closer so Esmee's breasts were squished against his chest as he leaned down again to kiss her, this time more gently and slowly. Esmee heard a moan and it took her a second to realize the sound came from her own mouth. She could feel Jared smile into the kiss as his arms wrapped tighter around her waist.

Just like every other time he had kissed her, Esmee forgot all else, her mind frozen as the instincts in her body took over; causing her to kiss harder and deeper. Thoughts of Blake and the heartbreaking friendship she had agreed to keep with him were gone, making her feel deeply ashamed once the kisses were over that she could forget him so easily with another man's hands and lips upon her.

"You really do look lovely, Esmee." Jared stated breathlessly once they tore their lips from each other, "I'm so proud that you are mine."

Esmee smiled at this, still in a dizzy haze of bliss from his kisses where there was nothing but him and her, "I am glad I make you proud." Esmee inhaled deeply before confessing, "I still worry I am not Queen material."

Jared looked down upon her pale face, staring up at him baring insecurities that she'd never allow shown in public. Another thing she did that proved she was indeed Queen material. Jared had absolute faith in Esmee, finding more and more to respect about her each day he knew her. He felt the prayers that he hadn't dared utter to the Gods had been answered regardless when she was brought to him.

Running his hands up and down her arms comfortingly he spoke, "I know how you feel, sweetheart. There hasn't been a day that's gone by since becoming King where I haven't had doubt about my abilities. But there is one thing I do not doubt, Esmee, and that is _you_. You shall be a great Queen, there's no question in my mind about that."

Esmee had tears in her eyes as she looked into the deep brown eyes of her husband, falling into the comforting clutches of his gaze and words, "I do not doubt you either, Jared." Slipped out before she could even think the statement, but nonetheless it was true, as terrifying of a revelation as that was for her.

000

Esmee was walking down a long aisle again, this time in the throne room of the Castle of Thidon, holding onto Jared's words in her mind as she kept her back as straight as physically possible and her chin up; knowing the importance of her image in this very moment.

Jared stood on the steps in front of the two thrones upon an elevated stone dais. She walked upon a wide, dark blue rug that lead all the way up those said steps and underneath the two seats behind him; highlighting the importance of this room and the two people who would sit above them all.

The thrones themselves were lined in gold, the King's larger than the Queen's though both were grand and had intricate designs upon the back and arms. Esmee had inspected them once before a few weeks prior, finding that those designs were carved for various landscapes and creatures of Thidon; waves, trees, fields, mountains, and native animals all worked into them, with obvious love and care from a talented artist.

Behind him and off to the side slightly, stood the same High Priest who conducted their wedding ceremony, and on either side of the bottom of the steps stood various priests and priestesses. Though when a Queen is crowned the King would be the one to accept her vows, the High Priest had to give the Gods blessing upon her once the ceremony was finished.

There were rows and rows of nobility, all staring at her tensely, as she had become accustomed, so she paid them no mind, not allowing their penetrating gazes to make her nervous. She knew her family stood in the front next to the royal family. Esmee had to fight herself from stealing a glance at her family once she passed them, hoping for some comfort. Knowing Blake stood somewhere in that aisle as well was possibly the only thing keeping her from doing just that.

Once she finally reached, Jared, she fell into a low curtsey and she heard everyone behind her take their seats to watch the ceremony.

"Lady Esmee of Kenon, are you willing to take the oath to become Queen to Thidon?" Jared began the vows, strong voice projecting across the entire room; inscrutable as he always was in the public eye.

"I am." Esmee said voice quieter though just as strong. No one would ever be able to guess that underneath her skirts her legs trembled.

"Will you solemnly swear to rule the country of Thidon, valuing all laws and customs of the land?" Jared asked, looking straight into Esmee's eyes and she found herself getting lost in them as passion overtook her words.

"I will." Esmee vowed again, this time with no doubt or apprehension in her mind, so soothed she was in Jared's confidence in her.

"Will you allow law, justice, and mercy be a part of all your judgments and decisions as Queen?" Jared continued, eyes never leaving hers for a second.

"I will." Esmee answered.

"Do you swear to honor your King, your husband, above all?" Jared asked and with this request she saw a flinch of unease spread across his eyes and Esmee could guess why.

Jared had never pushed her in any way and certainly not with his power as King; with those words though he was claiming his superiority over her. Tradition was tradition and changing the vows of the coronation ceremony wouldn't have been the greatest idea, considering the current state of the country, Esmee didn't need any explanation to know that. For Esmee the knowledge that he had flinched at such words towards his wife was more than enough to appease her as she planned to agree either way.

Esmee couldn't help herself admiring her husband even more.

"I do." Esmee answered easily, allowing her lips to form a small smile as her eyes never wavered from his; though she made sure it lasted only half a heartbeat so no one else would notice.

Jared gestured to the High Priest who was holding a simple, golden crown nestled within a box lined in red cloth and cushioning. Once Jared had taken the crown he turned back to her, holding it above her head as he declared, "With this crown I, King Jared of Thidon, do crown thee Queen Esmee of Thidon. "

Esmee felt the crown upon her head, not surprised in the least that it was heavy both literally and metaphorically speaking. Once the crown was safely upon her head, Jared offered her his hand, allowing her to rise from her position upon the ground. Then he turned so he stood directly beside her, both looking towards the thrones as they walked up until they reached the top and with that they turned to their people together and sat upon the thrones; looking out at their court with imposing stone faces.

The High Priest stood before them then at the foot of the steps as he raised his arms up to the ceiling and back down, "We call upon the Gods to witness the Queen Esmee of Thidon as the ruler of our lands from hence forth, above all but the King. We ask for their blessing and long life upon the Queen."

With that the ceremony was finished and the crowds cheered, as Esmee's heart sped up a little faster, nerves colliding back inside of her stomach with a force so strong she was concerned they'd all see through her, see the simple country girl she really was. But then she felt Jared's hand upon hers, squeezing tightly and with that the feeling was gone.

000

Jared sat in his study looking at a sheet of paper in front of him that tallied up the recent spending's of his brother, Blake, that his investigator had presented him with a couple hours before. Though the investigator, Trevor, hadn't yet found where exactly the money was going, it was suspicious enough as is. Blake had been pulling money out of his own private treasury in large sums for the past year and Jared couldn't think of a single plausible reason for it that wouldn't be ominous.

In the morning Trevor had been ordered to start investigating all the nobility of Thidon, searching for any sudden raises in funds, as Jared had a bad feeling where the money might be going. Bribery was a sickening word, but even worse was the word that Blake would be bribing others for: treachery.

Jared hoped beyond all hope that he will find that he has misjudged his brother. But there had been too much not sitting well with him, too many circumstances pointing to a sinister side of his brother that reminded Jared of his father, for Jared to not look further into his brother's life.

A knock at his door brought him from these dark thoughts as he answered with permission to enter his room, his face instantly losing creases of frustration upon seeing Esmee walk through the doors.

"You were not at dinner tonight." She said gently, in way of a hello.

Jared was shocked for a minute, because he hadn't noticed so much time had gone by, as he glanced to the window behind him, noticing that in fact the sun had gone down a long while ago.

"I brought you some food." Esmee said as she gestured behind her to a maid who had been waiting in the hallway. Jared recognized her as the one of the handmaidens that made up Esmee's personal staff, though he couldn't for the life of him remember her name.

The maid set the food down on his desk before curtseying and leaving the room, shutting the door behind her. Jared looked at the tray in front of him, piled with turkey, potatoes, fruit, and a pitcher of ale (at least he assumed it was ale with the smell coming from the pitcher). He hadn't realized how hungry he was until that moment and was pleased that Esmee had cared enough to bring him food.

"Thank you." Jared said to her as she smiled, before walking around the desk to stand beside him.

Jared quickly picked up the paperwork holding Blake's funds in his hands and tucked it under some ledgers that sat on the end of the desk. Esmee raised her eyebrows at this, curious as to what he was hiding but made no comment as she poured some ale from the pitcher into a goblet and handed it to him.

Jared looked up to her giving her one of his wary smiles, "I think I could get used to you serving me while we take private dinners from here on out. What say you?"

Esmee rolled her eyes at his teasing, "That will just have to remain in your fantasies, Your Majesty."

He chuckled at that, as one of his hands reached up to grabbed ahold of the indent of her waist and pulled her close to him so she stood between his legs, "I just realized I haven't seen my wife all day." Jared said quietly, as he put his goblet down and wrapped his other arm around Esmee's middle, pulling her down onto his lap.

Esmee folded into him, wrapping an arm around his neck as she kissed him lightly upon the mouth, "You have been engrossed."

"Yes." He answered simply, hands caressing her sides and pulling her closer so there was no room for even air between them.

"What have you been working on?" Esmee asked, absentmindedly playing with the top of his tunic peeping over from his waistcoat on his chest.

Jared was so enthralled by the domestic scene he found himself in that it took a moment and a clearing of his throat to answer, "Money problems in the kingdom."

"Tell me." Esmee requested, sitting up a little straighter in his lap; naïve to the sensations that the movement caused in her husband.

"After my father's reign poverty has hit more than half of the commoners. Our streets are full of the homeless and orphanages are turning away children abandoned by parents who cannot afford to feed them anymore." Jared sighed heavily, "The nobility cannot be taxed any more than they are currently to try to pay for the damage, as I am afraid they shall revolt against us."

Esmee thought for a minute, before answering simply, "You could lessen the tax on those who have the money to still pay it…"

"That would leave us with nothing, Esmee." Jared responded.

"You didn't let me finish." Esmee chided lightly, "Lessen the tax of anyone who offers apprenticeships, jobs, or boarding to the poverty who are without work. Offer this to not only the nobility but all those who own land or businesses." She suggested, "Of course this would mean less money coming into the castle, but for now it'll raise the economy and we wouldn't have to send out as much help as we do now."

Jared smiled at her, quite liking the term "we" Esmee used so easily in regards to their home, their family, and their country, "The council won't like that…taxes are how they make their salary; the nobility as well."

Esmee shrugged, "Offer the tax break to be signification enough that the nobility will make more than they lose from the lack of taxes coming in. Most have their own lands and funding anyways."

Jared regarded her for a long moment, looking into her sea eyes, captivated by the intelligence hidden behind them, "I have a council meeting tomorrow, come with me." He finally replied.

"Me? Queens don't go to council meetings; they haven't in generations." Esmee answered, quite taken a back by the request.

"You are not like any of them; such traditions could never apply to you. Come tomorrow and propose your plan." Jared invited again.

Esmee raised an eyebrow at this, "I thought you said they wouldn't like it."

He smiled at this statement, imagining the room of men who knew that something drastically needed to change in concerns to the finances of the country, as long as it did not affect their own salaries. The council relied heavily upon taxes to pay their salary and high lifestyle, many of which were younger siblings of high lords and thus not inheriting any land themselves. Were they smart? Did they have many good ideas? The answer was yes, or else Jared wouldn't have kept them on board, but it wasn't enough if their greed was larger than all else.

"They won't, but we're going to try it anyways." Jared said, "I want them to know whose idea it is. You deserve the credit, sweetheart."

"You're really going to use my idea?" Esmee asked, shocked and wondering if he was only amusing her because she was his wife.

"It is a good idea." Jared replied, and Esmee could tell he was sincere just by looking into his eyes, and she couldn't remember a time in her life that she had been more proud of herself, "Will you come?"

Esmee smiled brightly, nodding her head, "I shall."


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's note:** Thank you both J Luc Pitard and SmellofRoses for the reviews! Hope you both enjoy this chapter =)

The council's eyes nearly popped out of their heads when Esmee first entered the room on her husband's arm, but nothing could compare to their shock and petulance once she proposed her plan. She could hear their thoughts clear as day: _Who does this woman think she is? What does she know about running a country? What makes her think she can walk in here and begin to order things about?_

"The castle needs all those taxes. Cutting them so drastically would sacrifice a bit of your lifestyle, Your Majesty." A councilman with receding gray hair and bushy eyebrows finally spoke up, breaking into the silence of the room; hoping to use greed to sway the Queen into reason. He realized soon enough however that was not the path he should have taken with the argument.

Esmee raised her eyebrows this, meeting the man's without flinching at his disapproval, "My lifestyle? Or your lifestyle? It's not as if we're talking here about plunging into poverty, it just means less frivolous spending on our parts until our people have found their own footings. The sacrifices we'd make will be nothing in comparison to the sacrifices they have made." Esmee said simply, "Besides if you're looking for more money, then this means you can offer your home and guidance to some of the commoners in need of it. This tax reduction applies to all who help."

"This kind of handout isn't necessary for the people." Another man stepped in, thinly covered anger in his tone, "They'll find their own footing eventually."

"How will they manage that when they cannot even afford meals?" Esmee asked, tone never changing from calm competence as she turned her eyes to the next opposition.

"The taxes the castle would lose may be needed further down the road." Another dared to speak out, though his eyes moved to the King anxiously, his face gave off a fierceness that told the room that he backed his wife completely, and he was not in the least happy with a single one of them at the moment.

But despite this he'd let Esmee take control herself, as he had complete faith in her ability to hold her own and debate this decision herself. Jared had concluded that she was easily brighter than each of the men in this room.

"Taxes will be paid again once our country has risen up to a stable level." Esmee answered.

"I just don't see why these measures are necessary, Your Majesty." The councilman with the receding hairline put in again, exasperated by the Queen and showing it despite the repercussions.

"You don't? I would think the current state of the country you all have sworn to protect and work for would make the answer to that obvious." Esmee answered, tone falling cooler and firmer, "If history has taught us anything it is that if the people are not cared for by their country and have nothing left to lose, they will revolt. So if you cannot find it in your hearts to do it for the people of Thidon dying and starving on the streets, then do it for yourself, for it will not be just the royals taken down but all nobility and those in government."

The council all looked at her, stunned even further by her stern tone, none of them had thought the Queen had it in here. But Jared stared at her in awe, pride filling him to the hilt by her passionate proclamation from her lips.

A younger man who had remained quiet until this point, getting some enjoyment out of seeing his fellow councilmen flush with annoyance as they lost the argument against the Queen; turned to the King and asked, "Are we going to be sending out these new tax terms, Your Majesty?"

Jared never took his eyes off his wife as he answered, "Yes, immediately."

000

Esmee was practically bouncing on her heels later that day, as she walked around the rose garden with her mother and Pyre. Knowing she had done something good for her people, for her country, made Esmee feel as if she was walking on air. Her confidence climbing enough to allow her to at least fantasize that she was the right choice as Queen of Thidon. Possibilities of her power to help now piling in her head.

The joy was quickly replaced with trepidation with her mother's words, changing their idle chat to something much more in an instant, "There's a rumor abound that you have not yet consummated your marriage." Catalina stated calmly and quietly, catching Esmee completely off guard.

_What had someone thread banners announcing the Queen was still a virgin? _Esmee internally glowered but kept her face passive, turning her head the other direction from her mother, pretending to focus on Pyre who was bounding off after a rabbit that had snuck out of the hedges quite foolishly.

"Oh?" Esmee said, offering up no material on the matter.

"Yes." Catalina said, voice firm, "The rumor has spread around the nobility like fire."

Esmee shrugged her shoulders to fake nonchalance when on the inside she was fuming, "And how did this rumor start? Surely such information is too intimate for anyone to know."

"If you think any information here is too intimate for anyone to know, then you are still naive, daughter." Catalina answered, giving her daughter a pointed look that made Esmee feel small, "There has been absolutely no indication on either of your sheets that would suggest the two of you went to bed together."

"Not all virgins bleed." Esmee argued, walls of composure coming down with humiliation.

"No, but there are other…_indicators_…of a night spent in bed together." Catalina said, looking directly into her daughter's eyes, seeing confusion fall over her face; which was answer enough that she hadn't indeed consummated her marriage.

Esmee had to prevent herself from gagging at her mother even mentioning such things and then wondered silently what her mother had meant exactly by that, her inexperience in knowing things of that nature making her feel even more skittish at the idea of being bedded by the King.

"Do you not want children?" Catalina asked after a moment of silence between the two of them, "You have always loved them so and talked constantly of the dozen children you would have."

"That was before." Esmee said quietly, willing the conversation to be over as it had taken an even more painful turn.

Catalina nodded in understanding, though Esmee didn't notice, as she was looking anywhere her mother wasn't, "You wanted them with this man you were in love with."

Esmee looked sharply at her mother at that, before looking around them cautiously, even though she had known they were alone, she needed the reassurance no one could hear this conversation. _Jared could _never _find out about her and Blake_, "Yes, I had and that's how I imagined things for seven months." Esmee shook her head, "I do not love, Jared."

"Not yet maybe, but you'll love your children despite who their father is." Catalina answered evenly, "You'll fall in love with your husband some day and you will never regret bringing your children into the world."

Esmee looked at her mother as if she grew two heads, "How could you possibly be so sure of that? Just because of you and father?" Esmee shook her head, "I am not you, Mother, and Jared is not father. Most arranged marriages do not work out quite as well as yours has. It seems pointless to hope for such a thing when the odds are not in our favor."

"I see the way he looks at you, Esmee." Catalina said after a moment, taking her daughter's hand in hers, noting they trembled, "You can see plainly that everything fades away once his eyes fall upon you. Have you not felt this way with him before?"

Esmee thought quickly of the kisses she shared with Jared, the stress and pressure that would fall from her body as nothing else was left but natural instinct. But what instinct was that? She wasn't quite sure, as she couldn't find a name for it in the moment, because in the moment she just felt the desperate need to get closer to him and never stop.

Esmee not answering was enough for her mother, as a rare and sweet smile spread over Catalina's face, "Give your husband a chance, Esmee. I promise you the wound on your heart will be soothed if you do."

000

That night after dinner Esmee washed her body in sweet smelling lavender and brushed her hair out and down her back so it shined almost as if it was made of water. Then with a deep breath and a final look in the mirror, she made her way to Jared's chambers through the joining rooms, passing a connecting seating area meant to be shared for King and Queen she suspected and into his bedchambers.

He was not there as she had previously guessed and Esmee was glad for it as she crawled into the wide bed, as it allowed her time to release the tension from her body and become comfortable in her surroundings before she was met with the actual act.

Esmee had left her shift on, not quite daring enough to lay nude in the bed to await her husband. But the material was thin and low cut, with sleeves that only covered the shoulders. In that moment Esmee felt naked and wondered if she'd feel stripped of more than just the cloth when she finally lost the shift.

Esmee had thought briefly against the idea of coming to Jared's room for her seduction having remembered Eveline's words about the husband coming to the wife; but the Jared's words that spoke the exact opposite on their wedding night over powered any of Eveline's. She couldn't imagine her husband being angry at her for being in his chambers.

The thought that Jared may have a mistress to bring here brushed through her mind briefly as well, causing her to fear a possible run in with the two of them with her unannounced visit. But Esmee quickly pushed away those worries as well. If Jared had a mistress Esmee had no doubt that he'd have her kept in another chamber, like almost all men did with theirs.

Besides, she doubted he had one to begin with, at least currently. The gossips of court would have gladly spread that little tidbit around and Esmee would have heard of the woman by now, as she had heard already far too much about his former liaisons since she had come to the castle. Jared was not only a king but handsome and masculine. There had been plenty of women from all classes willing to throw themselves at him and brag about it later with no shame. Even more who were disgruntled for not having the chance. No one here seemed to think to spare her these details, making Esmee feel out of place and uncomfortable every time, as such talk would never have happened at the Kenon manor and certainly not with the man's wife.

So If she could accept these things why was she still so nervous? The answer was plain though and Esmee hated herself for it. She was a terrible wife and she wished there was an easy cure for the ache in her heart when it came to Blake. And then knowing one of the reasons she was here was because Blake had told her to fulfill her duty, did not help Esmee's opinion of herself. Blake should have nothing to do with her marriage and yet he was always there, a constant shadow off to the corner.

Jared deserved much more than her, Esmee knew. But alas he had been stuck with her as she him, so she would do her best by him, even if made her body go rigid with remorse. She'd bear his heir like any good wife would. He had given her space and that was a gesture that still brought tears to her eyes; happy tears mixed with sorrow at her failures. Esmee may not feel ready, but she'd pretend for now, because her mother and Blake even told her this was necessary, and they were two people who would not be happy to know she was bedded by the King. However they knew duty and she did as well. Esmee wouldn't deny it any longer.

Esmee lay there for at least an hour before the doors to Jared's bedchambers finally opened. She had almost fallen asleep but the sound of the turning knob alerted her to his presence and she sat up slightly, holding herself on forearms as she met his eyes.

Jared hadn't noticed her at first, but once he did he stopped in his tracks, hand still holding the door as he had been in the middle of shutting it behind him. She lay there in the middle of his bed, hair tumbling behind her, except for one strand just in front of her ear that fell across her white shoulders. She was in nothing but a thin, silk shift and his breath stopped for a moment at the sight.

Finally gaining back some of his senses Jared pulled his eyes from his beautiful wife, lying so innocently and yet provocatively somehow, within his bed; and shut the door behind him before turning back to her.

"Esmee…" Jared said with a husky tone. He had meant to say more, needed to say more, but nothing seemed to come out after that. Jared walked to the side of the bed, never taking his eyes off his wife as she did the same, gaze following him as he moved.

Once he reached the side of the bed and let one knee fall upon the mattress, his hands bracing himself in front of him, looking at her so intently, Esmee began to bite her lip, though she never broke eye contact with him.

"Esmee…" he said again, shaking his head lightly, forcing his eyes to close for a moment to gather his wits back, "What are you doing here?"

It took Esmee a moment to answer, her voice having seemed to escape the room once Jared had walked into it. Finally finding her voice, it was even softer than usual, almost like an exhalation of breath, "I'm ready…"

Jared didn't climb anymore into bed with her though; he just stared at her, eyes roaming over her face, careful to go no lower. He couldn't imagine how that statement would be true so soon. Before he could speak his opinion though Esmee captured the collar of his waistcoat, pulling him closer to her before she brutally met his lips with her own.

Jared put up very little fight as he adjusted to the new position, laying his legs besides hers as one of his arms tangled into her sleek hair and the other found her waist to grasp underneath the thick comforters. Her arms were around his neck, bringing him closer with each touch of the lips, and her tongue made its way into his mouth.

Jared pull back suddenly as he brought himself to a kneeling position to strip himself of his waist coat, leaving his chest only covered by a white tunic. Quickly he pulled the comforters from her body, so he could reach her easier, as he lay back down at her side, kissing her neck and collarbone, as his hands roamed slowly down her side to her thigh.

But something was wrong, as he realized the passionate kisses she had given him just moments before were gone, along with fervor she had met him with. Esmee lay beneath him, muscles stiff, making no movement to reciprocate his actions. Esmee was making no protests, but that would never be enough for Jared. He couldn't do that to her, as badly as his desire for her had imbedded into his very being.

"Esmee." He whispered as he placed a kiss to her temples and pulled back, laying on his back with a sigh, one arm over his eyes trying to calm down his body so it would match the decision he had already made with his head. "Esmee, why did you come here?" Jared asked, finally looking at her, though she was careful not to do the same, as she stared up at the ceiling of the bed.

Esmee shrugged in response, "I'm sorry." Is all she could say, and Esmee was sincere, though for so much more than this moment alone. After a few shuddering in takes of breath she was able to look at her husband, tears welling in her eyes, "I want to be the wife you deserve…but I'm scared."

Jared nodded compassionately, his hand reaching down to grasp hers, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand, "That is why I have given you time…so why did you come here tonight?"

Esmee shrugged again, "I need to give you an heir."

"Did someone say something to you?" Jared asked, "I've heard the rumors around court."

Esmee nodded, "It's my duty, Jared." A single tear fell down her cheek as she wished desperately that she could forget her love for Blake and move on with her life and marriage, "I don't want to fail you." Esmee confessed.

Jared turned onto his side, as his hand came up to cup her cheek affectionately, "You have not, nor will you ever. So do not listen to what anyone else says. I will never take anything that you are unwilling to give me."

Esmee gave a small smile at that, as she turned her lips into the palm of his hand holding her cheek, pressing a kiss to it, "I don't deserve you."

Jared gave her a light peck at this, "I think it's the other way around, Esmee."

Esmee shook her head at this, but said no more, as there were too many sins and feelings for her to confess and if she opened her mouth it may all slip out in her weak state. _That could never happen. _

"Come here." Jared said gently, as he pulled her gently onto his chest. She curled up to him grateful, pleased with the comfort he was offering, her small hand placed over his heart where she could still feel it beating profoundly from his urge for her.

"Sleep." He said, kissing her forehead.

Esmee looked up at him in surprise, "Here?" she asked.

He gave her a wry smile at that, "Yes, here." Jared winked at her, "Just no more seduction attempts, my dear wife; I only have so much honor."

Esmee giggled at this, her head falling back on his chest as she snuggled closer, finding that despite herself she was enjoying the closeness of his body, the consoling position easing all concerns for the moment. Once again it was just them, as it was when she was kissing him.

"You're quite playful when you want to be." Esmee said as Jared threw off his boots with fancy foot work and pulled the comforters back over them. Esmee found herself moving even closer, almost on top of him.

"Am I?" Jared asked, a slight bit of teasing in his tone, "I don't think anyone has ever accused me of being playful before."

"Mm?" Esmee said, eyes drooping, "Well then I count myself as blessed to see such a rare side of you." Esmee whispered a few moments later, "I love seeing the sides of you no one else sees. You're so much more than I could have ever guessed."

And before Jared could answer the peculiar statement, that gave him rush of hope that she could be falling for him as he was her; she was already asleep. He found himself chuckling as he looked down at her, arms wrapping even tighter around her small body as he too drifted off. This night with no complications or wandering thoughts keeping his eyes open into the long hours of the night.

000

Esmee woke up in her husband's bed that morning, frantic at first wondering where she was before the memories of the night before resurfaced. She pushed herself up into a sitting position, looking around the empty room, wondering how Jared had slipped out without her knowing. Esmee found herself smiling despite herself as she remember falling asleep upon his chest, Jared's arms wrapped securely around her body, offering comfort when she had come to his bed planning on pushing aside her fear to give him what he deserved. Jared hadn't taken the virginity she had dangled in front of him, though she had known he wanted to. Jared denied her solely for her own comfort. Esmee doubted any other man would have been so chivalrous.

After readying herself for the day, contentment staying with her through it all, Esmee found herself walking outside the castle walls; Lanie, her three personal guards, and Pyre in tow, as they made their way through the market. Esmee pointed various objects out to Lanie, though her guards made very little comment, constantly rigid as they looked around the area for any possible danger.

"You three could look a tad less fearsome you know." Esmee quipped, turning around to the guards with a smile on her face.

"There are dangers everywhere, Your Majesty." The youngest of the guards, Devon, said looking around dramatically as if expecting one to pop its head at any moment.

"I suppose I cannot fault you three for doing your jobs well." Esmee answered, before her eyes spotted a stand selling jewelry, a particular piece standing out amongst the rest as she walked over, the shopkeeper and his wife quickly bowing low for the Queen "Isn't this perfect for me?" Esmee asked Lanie, holding up the necklace with a simple leather cord and a small ornate wolf made of onyx.

"Yes it is, Your Majesty." Lanie agreed, finding the necklace to be beautiful herself, though not quite extravagant enough for a Queen. At least not most queens; Queen Esmee seemed to be in a category all her own, which Lanie would never find herself complaining about.

Just realizing the shopkeepers were still bowing Esmee quickly bid them to rise with a smile. Pulling out the small purse that had been tied to her side she made to pay them.

"Oh no, Your Majesty." The shopkeeper said quickly, hands raised, "We cannot accept your money. Please, take the necklace as a gift from us."

"I couldn't possibly." Esmee argued, knowing that the money it took for them to make this piece jewelry would be considered expensive for them.

"Please, Your Majesty," His wife put in, a smile growing on her face, "What you have done has made us most grateful. The necklace is our small and humble way of saying thank you."

Esmee looked back at her guards and Lanie for a brief moment, hoping one of them could fill her in on what they were speaking off. It was her guard, Alexander-the oldest of the three though still plenty capable of holding his own against a threat and loyal to the core-who answered her confused look.

"The tax decree, Your Majesty, it was sent out yesterday after your meeting with the councilmen. The people have rejoiced all day at a new step to hope made by their Queen." The words were mild and controlled, as they always were with Alexander, but Esmee could see something in Alexander's eyes that she thought for moment might be admiration. This made her heart soar even more than before.

Turning back to the shopkeepers, the smile still upon her face, she accepted sincerely, "Thank you for the necklace. I'll treasure it always."

The couple grinned to their ears from the compliment as Esmee tied the leather cord around her neck, the weight of the stone landing just above her breasts. She was truly touched by the gift from one of her people, because it was evidence of approval, that she had done something right for them.

Not ten steps from the stand, Esmee was stopped by a young boy no more than six years old with sandy blonde hair made up of unruly curls that fell into his eyes. He had a smile upon his face as he bowed in greeting, "Your Majesty." He said, holding a white wildflower up to her.

"For me?" Esmee asked, kneeling down to be closer to the boy, taking the flower from his hand at his frantic nodding of the head, "Why thank you, sweetheart. It's a beautiful flower. I shall put it in a vase in my room. What is your name?"

"Owen." He answered, noticing suddenly the wolf that had pushed himself into Esmee's side during their entire outing. Though Owen's eyes were not filled with fear like most people upon seeing a wolf, but curiosity and awe.

"Owen." Esmee repeated, "That's a nice name." Noticing his look Esmee asked, "Would you like to pet him?"

Owen nodded enthusiastically, as his small hand reached out touch Pyre's head. Pyre gave the boy's hands a careful lick upon his hand, as if Pyre knew the child was still at an age of fragileness. Owen let out a child's giggle at the sensation, before he bowed to the Queen once again and ran off to a woman Esmee assumed was his mother; animatedly telling her something Esmee guessed was about Pyre.

Throughout the next hour the people had watched the brave of them greet the Queen, and once they realized Esmee met them all with endearment, many more went out of their to speak with their new monarch; none of whom ever feeling comfortable enough to address a member of royalty personally before. Queen Esmee was entirely new to them, and all in her wake seemed to brim with the prospect of future that would right the wrongs of the past.


	12. Chapter 11

**SmellofRoses: **Fictional men are my downfall as well. I'm in love with far too many. It's no wonder I'm single. Lol.

**J Luc Pitard: **Yeah she certainly ticked off a few powerful men and possibly one or two may have liked things a bit more when King Adan was alive ;) And it's like a half successful seduction. Lol.

* * *

"I hear you are no longer sleeping in your own bed." Stina said abruptly and Esmee nearly choked on the wine she had just sipped from her goblet by the proclamation. The two sat alone in one of Esmee's parlors, with only Lanie serving the pair, having the want of a private talk without nosy ears.

"How on earth are people finding out these things?" Esmee asked, completely appalled.

"In case you hadn't noticed yet, ladies-in-waiting are the world's biggest gossips. It is as if the Gods brought them into families of status solely for entertainment purposes." Stina stated dryly, making Esmee wonder if she had her own problems with hers.

"Too bad that entertainment doesn't appease the ones they're charged with." Esmee answered, words just as dry as Stina's.

Stina smiled as she sat up straighter, eager for information, "Is it true though?"

"Maybe…" Esmee answered slyly over the rim of her goblet, a conspicuous smile upon her face, as she couldn't help herself from becoming caught up in Stina's good mood.

Stina squealed in response, clapping excitedly, "Thank the Gods for some progress!"

Esmee laughed at that, "I did not realize you were so invested in Jared and I's relationship."

"What can I say? I like to see my family happy." Stina answered a sweet smile over her face, "How long have you two been sharing a bed?"

Esmee thought for a moment before answering, "A little over a month now." Esmee couldn't help the smile that crept over her face thinking of her new bedtime rituals of bathing and dressing in her chambers, before dismissing her staff and sneaking through the conjoined doors to Jared's bedchamber. She thought surely in the beginning that he wouldn't want a reoccurrence after the first night when she attempted-and utterly failed-at seducing her husband, but he came to her the very next night asking for her company. Since then Esmee had slept every night within the comfort of her husband's arms, finding it to be a surprisingly pleasant feeling. Never in a million years did Esmee suspect she would enjoy her husband's presence in bed with her, but alas here she was smiling just thinking about it.

"I'm shocked then that it took this long for others to know." Stina said, sipping more wine as she fell back lazily upon the settee she sat on.

"Well I still always ready myself in my chambers. I doubt anyone noticed at first." Esmee replied.

"I envy you, Esmee." Stina said, staring off into the distance as if imagining another place other than the parlor they sat in, "I wish to be married soon."

"You're only fifteen." Esmee answered, thinking of how she was just beginning to feel ready for the role of wife a couple months after her wedding. She certainly hadn't felt it in the start of her marriage.

"And you're only seventeen." Stina disputed, "Besides I'll be sixteen in a month and a half. That's a perfectly good age to become betrothed."

Esmee raised her eyebrows at that, "Do you have someone in mind? Perhaps someone coming to your birthday ball?"

Stina smiled, "Possibly…"

Esmee was all ears now, happy to be off the topic of her whirlwind love life, "Who?"

Stina bit her life, unusually nervous, "I am not sure I should tell you…"

"Why not?" Esmee asked. It wasn't as if she was a hard person to talk to, at least Esmee didn't think so about herself.

Esmee waited for Stina, as the girl inhaled deeply, then took another sip of wine, "Lord Nolan."

Esmee was shocked at that revelation, so much so she couldn't be sure she was thinking of the right Nolan, "Lord Nolan? As in my brother, Lord Nolan?"

Stina nodded, anxiously, "Yes and though your parents could not make it to the ball, Nolan sent his acceptance of an invitation. Though I'm sure it has more to do with seeing you than anything else, I'm still excited to see him."

Esmee sat there dumbstruck for a minute, "I wasn't aware you two had gotten close…"

"Oh we hadn't." Stina answered quickly, "At least not as close as I would have liked. But during his stay here we met in the court on several occasions and talked for long periods of time. He's so funny and sweet."

"And a bit of a mongrel." Esmee put in, cautioning the Princess. She loved her brother, but he was known for charming and leaving women. Nolan was the last man Stina should be falling for. Not that Esmee had much right to say anything, what with her romantic situation.

"Perhaps and perhaps he just needs a wife to settle him down." Stina replied blissful and Esmee thought foolhardy.

"Does your brother not hope to marry you off to a Prince or King?" Esmee asked, trying to bring the girl back to reality.

Stina shrugged, "I'm sure, but I know Jared; he wouldn't force me into a marriage if I didn't want it."

_If only someone had felt the same for myself, my life would be far different right now, _Esmee thought, but figured Stina was right. Jared would do almost anything to make his family happy and though he might be upset if Stina chose Lord, he'd probably relent and allow the marriage to happen.

Though Esmee still thought Stina was getting far ahead of herself. Her brother had not once spoken of Stina, certainly nothing about marriage or anything close and in Esmee's opinion Nolan wasn't at the point in his life where he was ready to take a wife. He was still much too wild and free-spirited.

It took one look at Stina however to tell Esmee that her words of warning would fall upon deaf ears if she so attempted. It hadn't taken her long to learn that once Stina had something in her head, there was no use arguing. It didn't stop Esmee from sending up a silent prayer that the girl wouldn't become too hurt if Nolan did not in fact feel the same for her. Esmee wanted Stina spared from the misery of heartbreak.

000

The first time Esmee ever saw Jared practice combat was entirely unplanned. She had of course heard plenty about his abilities, even before she came to Thidon. A ruggedly handsome young prince or king who was also an expert in arms certainly got women talking. Never before than had she seen evidence on the matter though.

She had been walking outside of the castle walls with her guards; though not far enough out to bring her to the city, when Esmee found herself outside of the barracks and training yards. She paid little mind as she walked by until she noticed one tall, auburn head straining with a sword against three soldiers and holding up well. When Esmee realized it was her husband her mouth nearly dropped open and she stopped abruptly to watch him.

Jared played the yard with what appeared to be ease; the only proof of his exertion was the bit of sweat collecting on his clothes. Even though he was facing off against three opponents it was clear as day they were all struggling to hold their own against him, as they became wet with sweat and panted with exhaustion. Once Jared had taken them all down though, he helped them all rise and the four of them shared what seemed to be a friendly chat. Even without Jared being overtly emotional, Esmee knew him well enough to know he enjoyed the soldiers' banter.

One of them finally noticed her standing several yards from the fence that enclosed their training area. Jared turned around, giving her his half smile, before walking to the fence, quickly bounding over it and striding towards her.

"What do I owe this honor?" He asked once he stood in front of her, leaning down to brush a quick kiss over her lips.

"I was taking a walk and stumbled upon you." Esmee flirted, wiping a strand of hair that fell over his forehead back.

Jared smiled down at her before grabbing her hand and leading her away, "Come…meet some of our troops."

Jared held her hand in his, as he walked towards a tall, brown haired man standing in between two of the enclosures, with his arms folded tightly over his chest as he watched the various fights around him. Once he spotted the King and Queen though he quickly fell into a bow.

"Dylan." Jared greeted, "I'd like to present to you my wife, Queen Esmee."

The name named Dylan bowed again, "Your Majesty." He answered.

"Dylan is the barracks Master-of-Arms; in charge of training our troops." Jared explained.

"It is good to meet you." Esmee said as Jared began to pull her to more men, most of which were low ranking troops.

Apparently Jared also realized the intelligence of a monarch being in touch with all his people, not just the rich or noble. He trained as one of the soldiers, getting to know each and every one of them. That was no mean feat for a Prince of King, but it sure had its benefits. Men who respected and knew their ruler were far more passionate in their fight for him, Esmee realized; though she also was aware that Jared most likely enjoyed this time and did not do it solely for any gain. He loved his country, more than most kings, who solely enjoyed the importance it gave them-superior above all was quite a head rush for any man. Jared's people truly mattered to him though, and he was more than willing to base his life around their happiness. This was a trait Esmee admired in him. At the same time however she worried for him, thinking he didn't spend enough time taking care of himself. It was just as Stina had said a few months prior when she first came to the castle; Jared needed someone who would put him first, because he always put himself last. Esmee was determined to find a way to do this for him, knowing he deserved that and more.

000

Esmee walked through the court with Pyre at her side, saying hello to many nobles and making small talk with several groups; before she was interrupted by the councilman Lord Hank. The same man who had vehemently opposed the proposition she had made now a month and a half prior. Though Esmee had only sat in on two of the weekly council meetings since then, she had no doubt in her mind this man before her still held her in contempt from the way his glare had followed her around whenever they crossed paths since then. Lord Hank had been the most vocal in his protests and continued to be so, even after his voice was drowned out by the climbing success of her idea. Esmee had been more than happy that her plan had begun to help the people of Thidon in all classes, but there was also a perverse enjoyment in showing this uptight and greedy man that he would not always get his way.

"Queen Esmee." Lord Hank greeted, bowing stiffly with a splash of sarcasm that was not missed on Esmee.

"Lord Hank." She greeted back, not bothering to mask her aversion with a polite tone. There was no need between the two, it was blatantly clear they did not like one another.

"How are you today, Your Majesty?" He asked, feigning care.

"Fine, My Lord." Esmee answered, purposely not asking back to make a statement; hoping he'd choose to walk off and leave her be.

"I suppose you are enjoying your rise in station, Your Majesty." He said silkily, "Simple country lady, never having stepped into the castle before or meddled in politics, now the second most powerful person in the country."

Esmee smiled prettily at his backhanded remark, "It certainly has its perks, My Lord. My little country bumpkin self certainly enjoys the envy of all those around me wishing for my station. A bit of a kick it is and quite motivating." Esmee winked and Lord Hank's eyes sharpened at this, "Now if you will excuse me…" Without waiting for an answer she brushed past him, leaving him fuming in her wake.

When Esmee bumped into Blake ten steps from the lord (nearly literally if she hadn't been able to catch herself in time), she felt as if she jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. Blake stood close before her, looking down at her with those beautiful blue eyes that she had so enjoyed staring into during long nights in the forest.

Pyre growled in way of greeting and though Esmee couldn't imagine what had gotten into the wolf to cause this reaction to Blake's presence, she was slightly glad for it because it pulled her out of her nostalgic thoughts before anyone else would notice.

"Esmee." Blake said, and then whispered lower for her ears alone, "I have missed you."

"Blake." Esmee hissed, looking around, thankful no one stood close enough to them to hear his whispered words; though she still moved slightly to the side and towards the wall for further distance, "Do not say such things, especially not in public."

"When else shall I then?" Blake argued, keeping his voice low, "You never see me anymore privately."

Esmee kept an eye out in an unobtrusive manner, not wanting to attract anyone's attention by looking agitated by the conversation before her. That would only bring upon curious ears not deter them, "I am Jared's wife, Blake. Remember?"

"You said we'd be friends…" Blake whined and Esmee found herself actually annoyed with the man. _Had he been like this before?_ Not that Esmee could not recall; memories of the two of them not quite as vivid as before. Esmee hadn't realized that until this moment and it startled her that she could actually begin to forget their times together when she loved him so much.

"Yes, but private meetings between us are entirely inappropriate." Esmee inhaled deeply before going on, knowing her words would cut him but she needed to make him understand, "Besides, I share a bed with Jared now, he would notice if I had gone missing in the middle of the night."

Esmee had worried this comment would hurt him, expected it, as much as she knew it needed to be said so Blake would understand why it wasn't as simple as he made it out to be for them to meet now. But shockingly Blake didn't even bat his eyes at this, seeming to not care at all. This hurt Esmee slightly even though she hadn't wanted to hurt him in the first place with the remark and knew she had no rights anymore to be upset by any lack of affection he held for her.

Even with his absence of reaction to that news he continued as if he desperately needed to see her, "Then sneak off during the day when you have the chance. Tomorrow? I can meet you in the closet at noon."

"Blake…" Esmee whispered, pleading in her voice.

"Please, Esmee…I miss you." Blake begged and Esmee found herself relenting with a slight nod of her head, though just the idea made her sick to the stomach.

000

"So this poison would kill the person in a way that would look completely similar to a heart attack?" Jared asked after a run through with the alchemist on what could do such a thing.

"Yes, Your Majesty." Answered the elderly alchemist and healer named Olan, that had worked on the southern side of town for as long as anyone could remember, "And there would be no indication of poison; no vomiting, no foaming at the mouth; just pain in the heart as it slowly begins to stop pumping."

Jared nodded, running his hands through his short hair as he began to pace the small shop. They had taste testers at the castle, only someone close could put something in his drink or food and King Adan hadn't had many people he trusted. Jared could count them on one hand.

"Has anyone come to you asking for this?" Jared asked, still pacing. Olan shook his head quickly in response, "I won't harm you if you sold this." Jared bit out, suspecting that the man was afraid, "I just need to know if this poison has been purchased and by whom."

Olan shook his head again, "I speak the truth, Your Majesty. I've had no one come here to ask me for such things and if I had I would turn them away. I'm a healer, a scientist; I don't offer deadly potions out to intend harm." He spoke passionately and Jared found himself hoping that was the truth. He needed to believe in the moment that good people were still in the world or more specifically his country that was falling apart around him.

"Thank you for your help." Jared said as he began to step towards the door.

Olan stopped him though when he said, "If you would like I could ask around, Your Majesty. I know many in this trade that reside all over from my many years in this business. I've apprenticed more men than I could even count. I'll see if any have the answers you seek."

Jared turned around, "I'd appreciate that." He said sincerely.

Olan nodded, "Gods be with you, Your Majesty."

"You as well." Jared answered, as he walked out the door.

As soon as he stepped back out to the streets, Jared leaned heavily against the side of the shop, pounding a single fist back behind him at the wooden wall, hoping afterwards it wasn't heard by Olan. Jared didn't like what he was finding, didn't like it at all, because each new set of information pointed right back to the same place. He was starting to wonder if maybe he hadn't escaped his father at all. There may be a younger, double of him, with a royal proximity to all he held dear and that double may be willing to do more damage than King Adan would have even dared.

000

Jared walked into the court yard briskly, barely containing his excitement at the return that a maid had informed him of in his study five minutes prior. Jared wasted no time, not even bothering to put his booklets away as he stood and rushed out directly to the courtyard where he'd be able to see the horses riding up. The horses that would be carrying his brother Leeland back home.

Less than two minutes later his mother was walking out of the great doors and stood directly next to her eldest son, "It's been so long." She said simply, but Jared could hear the veiled excitement in her voice at finally having all her children home.

Jared turned to the footman at the door, "Have someone find my wife to request her presence."

The footman bowed, before hurrying off in a way that Jared suspected was fright. Jared found himself slightly annoyed that he was still met with so much fear after his father's reign. There was much frustration in knowing that there were many who may never accept him as anything other than King Adan's son, the fruit of a torturer. There seemed to be no split between him and his father in the people's eyes and that was more insulting to Jared than anything else ever could be.

"Lee will adore Esmee." Eveline said, surprising Jared. That was almost a compliment, a rarity when it came to his mother.

"Yes, I am sure he will." Jared answered thinking of the woman he married and the primal urge to show her off to one of the people he was most close to.

The horses piled into the courtyard loudly, as the hooves beat against the stone in their hurry to get home; demanding all to fall off to the side until grooms could come to take them away from the riders.

The man in the front of the small group jumped off of the horse quickly once he reached the foot of the steps, a large smile on his face as he threw the reins over to a waiting groom, before bounding up the steps two at a time.

Once he reached the top Lee threw away all propriety and hugged his mother fiercely to him in plain view of all and then giving her a kiss on the cheek before turning to his brother for another embrace that Jared gladly accepted.

Jared looked at his brother, amazed that the man hadn't changed much at all in the year he had been gone. Lee was the only one of the children to inherit their father's light brown hair and not their mother's dark auburn. Just as Jared was the only one to inherit their mother's brown eyes. The other three had blue and Lee's dazzled currently with excitement to be home at last. He was as tall as his eldest brother, which Jared hadn't thought he was when he left. Jared assumed he must have finished growing after leaving.

"Welcome home, brother." Jared said a rare smile on his face as he clasped Lee on the arm.

From behind the three a squeal was heard, none needed to look to see who it was. Quickly Jared stepped back as his younger sister threw herself at Lee, nearly knocking the poor man over and onto his butt, though he recovered well with a laugh.

"Hello, Stina." Lee said, kissing his young sister on the top of the head, while she hung onto his neck for dear life.

"I missed you so much!" She raved, "You may never leave again."

Lee laughed at that, "You may not be singing the same tune after several months of my presence here. As a matter of fact I'll give it three months before you're manhandling me onto a ship." He sat her back on her feet and winked.

"Only because you can be a pain." Stina retorted.

"See? Your excitement is already wearing off." He laughed, pinching her nose as Stina swatted his hands away.

Esmee had stood off to the side, hands clasped in the front of her gown, watching the reunion quietly, happy for her husband and in-laws, as she knew they had missed Leeland fiercely. Jared took her hand in his as he pulled her up to his side.

"Leeland I'd like to introduce you to my wife Esmee." Jared said and Lee could see the pride in his brother's eyes at the mention of the woman beside him, peaking his interest.

Leeland bowed, taking her hand in his to bring it to his lips, "It's an honor to meet you, Your Majesty."

"Please, we're family. Call me Esmee." Esmee replied, a kind smile over her face.

"I'd be honored." Lee said, finding himself quite captured with the woman after only a minute. He was anxious to learn more about the new Queen, finding hope that she may truly make his brother happy by the way Jared was looking at her. He had never seen his brother look so relaxed around anyone before.

"Why don't we have a celebration in Leeland's honor tonight?" Eveline said, looking towards Jared and Esmee as it was no longer her place to plan such evenings.

"That's sounds like a wonderful idea." Esmee answered her mother-in-law, turning to Leeland she took over, the mistress of the household now, "That is of course if you are feeling up to it after your long journey. We could always postpone it for another night if so."

"Tonight works perfectly, I'm in a celebrating mood." Lee answered and it was true. After the long time away in a court and country not his own, he was more than ready to go and celebrate with those he has known his own life.

As the ladies turned to leave to begin planning, Leeland became slightly somber, though his good mood couldn't leave entirely in the moment, "Where is Blake?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Jared answered tensely.

Lee sighed as his voice lowered, "Something happened while I was gone, didn't it?"

Jared nodded, "This isn't the place though. Later we'll talk."

000

Esmee slid into her husband's bed later that night after a festive dinner, followed by dancing. Everyone seemed happy to see Prince Leeland's return, and Esmee quickly learned why. The man was charismatic, optimistic, and smart. Working as an ambassador in Oklan seemed to have been the perfect job for him, but Esmee was glad to finally have the chance to get to know the brother her husband exalted on many occasions.

Once Jared joined her, he pulled her bodily to him, arms wrapped tightly against her waist as Esmee's head rested on his chest.

"Your brother is a good man." Esmee said with a sigh. She was exhausted, but enjoyed these moments of quiet talks with her husband she began to have since joining him in sleep; so she forced herself to stay awake a little longer.

"Yes he is." Jared said, "Thank the Gods one of them is."

Esmee's head shot up at that and before she could stop herself blurted out, "Blake is a good man as well."

Jared scoffed at that, "What Blake do you speak of? Certainly not my brother." Jared shook his head, "I cannot believe that not only was he not there to greet our brother, but he also showed up late to dinner, barely speaking two words to Lee or any of the family for that matter. The boy has no manners and acts as if he's in his ninth year."

Esmee bit her lip as she placed her head back down, though this time against the pillow next to Jared, her hand drifting from Jared's body unconsciously. She wanted to defend Blake, but knew if she did so Jared would begin to suspect that Blake and her were more than simply brother and sister-in laws, as in all honesty they had been at one point. Esmee couldn't even begin to imagine what Jared would do with that information, with the amount of animosity he held towards his youngest brother.

"I'm sorry, Esmee. I don't mean to be so disturbed tonight." He brushed a hand over her hair, tucking it behind her ear, "I have much on my mind. I'll try not to speak so harshly again."

Esmee shook her head, "No, do not apologize. Please, tell me what has you so tense." Her hand reached out again as it ran over his chest, noting the tightness under his tunic.

"Thinking too much of my father today. It's of no concern though." Jared answered, pulling her up to rest back on his chest, before kissing her forehead.

"Tell me." Esmee whispered.

"I worry I shall never be trusted as king because of his actions." Jared exhaled, hitting his head against the headboard of his bed in frustration, "I do my best, but sometimes it feels as if I am holding onto something that will collapse around me no matter what."

Esmee sat up at that, turning to him completely, "You cannot think like that. The people are cautious yes, but you've made progress. You've only been King for a year, Jared. It will take time for all to trust, but it will happen. You give your country so much reason to have faith in you."

"Being married to a humanitarian helps." Jared teased, reaching his finger out to one of her curls and twirling it around his finger, "Alexander told me about your fans in the marketplace. The people enjoy your weekly visits as much as a holiday."

Esmee shrugged it off, "It is enjoyable for myself as well, but it's nothing in comparison to what you do every day for them. All the hours you work to right the wrongs of the past."

"Seeing physical proof of kindness in the form of a monarch is just as important though." Esmee nodded at this, knowing it was the truth though she wished she could make her husband see how very powerful he was, as the slightly defeated look on his face was entirely knew to Esmee. Jared was normally so single minded in his pursuit to right his country, there was very little time for doubts within him. She was worried for him, "You help, Esmee, in ways I never expected but am so grateful for. Most queens contribute as little as possible towards the country they rule."

"And most kings wouldn't push themselves into near death by exhaustion for their country." Esmee leaned into Jared, her lips brushing his, "You are doing more than enough and you'll be rewarded."

Jared nodded, though he didn't believe it entirely, especially with the very real possibility that he had a traitor younger brother on his hands. But he wouldn't tell Esmee about that, not until he was sure. He didn't want to worry her. Though he sure would make sure she was protected against any threat Blake may oppose to her.

"I spoke to Lord Hank today. He is clearly not happy with me since my visit to your council meeting." Esmee said, falling back into Jared's side.

"That means you did something right." Jared answered lightly, holding her to him tighter than before.

"You are not a fan of him either?" Esmee asked.

"Not in the least. He was appointed by my father. My father hadn't really had friends, but Hank was a closer to him than any other on the council. That never sat well with me for obvious reason." Esmee nodded as Jared continued, "He's one of the rare councilmen who are lords that inherited their father's land. Apparently though Hank saw the power in being a high lord and in the council at the same time, despite the extra work. I've wanted to push him out for a long time now, but do not yet have enough cause. I can't very well throw him out with the current state of disarray. It would only make other members in the council worry that I'll do the same to them. I cannot risk more agitation at the moment. But I'll continue to keep the man on a leash. Most of his input has been ignored since I became King. The majority of the council have no love lost with him either."

Esmee was silent for a moment before answering, "You've been balancing many fragile situations." Her tone was sad, thinking of all Jared had to take responsibility for. It was dreadfully unfair.

"Yes." Jared answered simply.

Esmee raised her head to look him directly in his brown eyes, unconcealed at this moment as he lay in bed with her. It made her feel special, "You are no longer alone." She affirmed.

The declaration hit Jared hard, tightening his throat. He couldn't think of a single thing to say in response, but wanted her to know how much her words meant to him. So he pulled her to him, kissing her passionately until they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**Author's note: **Really not sure if I like this chapter. It's another one that I find might have been a bit too rushed. I've just been so full of ideas for this story that I have been frantically writing. I hope it doesn't show too much. I may come back later on to update this, but hopefully it works for now =)

The next chapter will probably be up shortly. I've finished over half of it already, though it's the second half and I'm having a bit of a problem with forming my thoughts for the first part. I'm optimistic though that it won't take too long.

Let me know what you think!


	13. Chapter 12

**SmellofRoses:** And now you shall see the reason for my winking face ;) lol!

**Guest: **Thank you so much for the review! The Thidon royals are definitely coming out of their shell as a family as they are much more open and loving with one another with Jared as the new head of the family and don't have to live by King Adan's rules anymore. I'm glad you're enjoying the developments with that. Hopefully you enjoy this chapter as well.

* * *

Esmee thought Stina had never looked as beautiful as she did on her sixteenth birthday, which was certainly saying something because the tall, auburn hair girl was stunning; just like the rest of the royal children. But tonight Stina absolutely glowed as she fluttered around the ballroom in a white dress, pearls decorated throughout her hair. Esmee found herself unable to stop smiling just at seeing her sister-in-law's happiness. The girl was infectious as ever.

Unfortunately her friendliness laid Stina open for becoming trapped in conversation with those less than honorable. Which she was with Lord Hank, immediately pushing Esmee into action as she made her way through the crowd to her sister-in-law's side; not wanting the girl to face the deplorable man alone.

Once Esmee reached pair she was glad she made the effort, as her body grew cold at the look in Lord Hank's eyes as he looked down at the young princess. It looked possessive, Esmee thought and she cringed at the possible thoughts the lord was thinking about Stina; and there was something else in her that shouted a warning as a protective streak much like a bear with her young wanting her to get Stina far away from the man as soon as possible.

"Princess Augustina." Esmee greeted, forcing a smile onto her face, when all she wanted to do was cringe at the leering look on Lord Hank's face, "Lord Hank. How are you finding yourself this evening?"

Lord Hank bowed to her, though his eyes peered up from the position and there was no hiding the sharp glare he aimed her way, "I am doing well, Your Majesty. I'm finding the Princess' birthday to be quite enjoyable." He shot another inappropriate look at Stina that only Esmee seemed to notice.

"Well I hate to disrupt your night with business, but my husband was hoping to speak to you about the hunting party next month. King Jared would like your opinion on a few matters."

Esmee had only heard brief mention of the hunting party and how a group of nobles (along with Lord Hank) joined the King for autumn game; and though she highly doubted Jared needed any opinions on such a trivial matter and she was positive Lord Hank knew it as well; it was the best excuse Esmee could come up with in the heat of the moment to get rid of the man without alerting Stina or anyone around that something was amiss.

Lord Hank's eyes narrowed at her again, the bushy gray eyebrows pulling together so they almost touched, but did not question the request out loud as he bowed to her and began to walk in the direction of her husband. Esmee's gaze followed to find him, talking with his brother Leeland just off to the side of the dancing.

It was as if Jared could sense her gaze on him, even though he was half way to the other side of the giant ballroom as he turned to her. She nodded behind Lord Hank, gesturing with a quick tilt of her head that she wished for him to speak with the man. Jared didn't seem to need much more than this as he walked towards the Lord and Esmee watched him fall into conversation with the obnoxious nobleman. Esmee would have to reward Jared later for taking that blow as means to get the man away from Stina. The smile of how she could reward her husband brought a smile to her face quite unintentionally.

Stina noticed it straight away and let out a soft giggle, "I would ask you what you are thinking about, Your Majesty, but I feel as if it might lead me to knowing things about my brother I never would be able to unlearn."

Esmee shot her a lock of mock scorn, "Speaking of brothers, have you spoken to mine yet?"

"Briefly in the midst of a group of about a thousand." Stina sighed with her exaggeration, "I hope to catch him alone later." She added wistful.

Esmee couldn't help but frown at that, worried for her friend, fearing she was setting herself into a situation that could only lead to heartbreak. Esmee had only been able to speak to her brother briefly as he came for the ball only this afternoon, but not once had the man mentioned anything about a romantic interest in Stina or anything about Stina at all for that matter. Though it was possible he could be concealing his feelings, Esmee just could not imagine her brother being ready for anything remotely similar to what Stina wanted.

000

"Blake!" Nolan greeted his old friend with a clasp on the arm as he spotted him standing off to the side of the dance floor alone, looking a bit too tense during a celebration in Nolan's opinion.

Blake did manage to tear his eyes away from whatever focal point he had lost himself in though to turn to his old friend with a smile, "Nolan! I was wondering if you would show up. How long will you be here for?"

"For the remainder of the week I thought. I wish to spend some time with Esmee." Blake went sober in an instant at his friend's words and Nolan's eyebrows rose wondering what turned his mood so suddenly.

Blake nodded, "We should go gallivanting and drinking one night as well. I would love to get into some mischief to drive my brother crazy." Blake teased and Nolan had no need to ask him which brother he was referring too as he laughed in response.

"I should behave, what with my sister being his wife and all. She may not appreciate my making her look bad." Nolan winked, but again a chilling look crossed over Blake's eyes, startling Nolan. _What was the matter with him?_

"Esmee should not worry about looking bad when she's married to the likes of Jared. She's the superior one in that marriage to be sure." Blake stated with bitterness, his eyes finding a spot on the floor again and Nolan couldn't help himself from following it.

When his eyes landed on the girl in question, as she laughed with a group of women on the other side of the ballroom, Nolan shot his gaze right back to Blake, "You have feelings for her?" It was asked like a question, but Nolan already knew the answer with the way Blake watched her.

Blake shrugged in response but that wasn't enough for Nolan as he continued, "Blake…Esmee is married to your brother, the King."

Blake sent him a sharp look, "Do you think I don't know this?"

"Blake…" Nolan tried again softening his voice, "She's married and seemingly happily so, do not torture yourself with such thoughts."

Blake looked back at him a disturbing grin on his face that instantly made Nolan's instincts scream "watch out" as he took a step back from his old friend, "Yes, she is married to him…_now_."

Nolan stood there dumbstruck for a moment, unable to believe the words slipped out of the Prince's mouth. Mustering up his courage he stepped closer to Blake, making sure no one could hear him, for despite all he was still Blake's friend, "I hope you are not insinuating the disposal your brother so you can have Esmee, _my little sister_."

Blake shook his head, laughing at Nolan's words, "Of course not, Nolan. What do you think I am?" Blake shook his head once more, looking back out at the floor towards Esmee, "I am simply saying that if anything happens-though of course I would never make it so-I would happily take the place of Esmee's husband." Looking back at Nolan, Blake lost his smile and shrugged though the gesture was anything but casual, "Who knows? Maybe they'll get annulment, since she has yet to become with child."

If the King and Queen hadn't consummated their marriage, allowing an annulment to happen, as Blake so implied; then why did the man look almost bitter at his own words on Esmee not carrying an heir yet? As If he she was failing Blake for it and not her husband? _What game was Blake playing?_

Nolan found one of his fists clenched involuntarily, "Esmee is my little sister, Blake." Nolan reminded the Prince, speaking harsher than he had ever remembered before as the need to guard Esmee from some unknown harm consumed Nolan, "You maybe an old friend, but my loyalties to you end where my loyalties to her start. Remember that."

Blake brushed him off with the gesture of a hand, "I have no intention of ever harming Esmee, so you can throw that protective nature aside, friend."

But Nolan wasn't satisfied in the least, as he looked at the man standing next to him and realized that Blake had either changed drastically in the past few years or Nolan had simply never known him in the first place; because this Prince sounded almost as mad as his father.

000

Jared's arms were wrapped tightly around his wife, as she sat upon his lap, mindless to the image they presented to the court on top of the raised dais where a table and chairs for the royal family during the birthday festivities had been placed.

"Jared not here." Esmee whispered against his ear, as Jared's lips grazed hungrily across her shoulder and he bit gently. Though Esmee's hands caressed the top of his chest, wishing he didn't have the thick waist coat and shirt underneath, making her no better than Jared in that moment.

Esmee had found herself becoming much more daring with each month of her marriage. She supposed sleeping next to him every night helped as the intimacy made her know Jared in ways she never thought possible when they had first become betrothed. It was as if the more Esmee got to know her husband without the complications of sexual gratification, the more she wanted that very thing; as if each long talk, each heavy kissing session, each stroke of his hand down her back as she fell asleep brought her closer to an edge that Esmee was realizing she so hysterically wanted to jump off of.

"Honestly you two." Lee's voice broke into their kissing as he sat in a chair the opposite of Jared, "Go and find yourself somewhere private-preferably your bedchambers-before your clothes start falling off."

Esmee turned to Lee, an abashed and small smile on her face; she cleared her throat trying to gain some control back, "Sorry."

Jared grabbed her hand, jerking her to a standing position though, not the least bit of regret on his face as he looked over at Lee, "That is not a bad suggestion, little brother."

Leaning down to kiss Esmee again, quite thoroughly, making her forget once again that she stood in a room full of people and she should be holding onto some sense of respectability as their Queen. Jared pulled back only long enough to wrap an arm around her waist as he quickly walked off the raised dais and out a side door; his brother's laugh following the two of them out.

000

Nolan's gaze tried to follow the winding hedges in the garden below him, as he leaned against the balcony railing a story up. The night had started off well; he had gotten the chance to see his sister and noted how happy she was hanging off her doting husband's arm, he talked a bit with the Princess who he found to be a breath of fresh air within the court, drank, and flirted with various noble women. Nolan loved celebrations, as it was one of the few perks he thought to being a Lord. But one small conversation had turned his mood completely, as the fear took over and he wondered what to do next.

Nolan had to talk to King Jared there was no doubt about it and his sister too. The look in Blake's eyes was that of a man possessed and it rocked him to the core to think that that one of the things his friend wanted was Esmee. _What would Blake be willing to do to sacrifice to have what he wanted?_ With the look on Blake's face, Nolan guessed much and his jaw tightened in anger.

"Escaping the crowds?" Stina asked, causing Nolan to whip around quickly from his spot at the end of the balcony off the ballroom.

"Your Highness." Nolan greeted, bowing to her as she walked closer; a large smile upon her face.

"Please do not address me as such; call me Stina." Stina replied, walking to stand directly next to him.

"Very well." Nolan answered, "As long as you bless me with my name on your lips."

Stina smiled at this and Nolan noticed a faint pink on her cheeks from the candles leaking through the open doorway onto her face. _Was she blushing?_ Nolan brushed off the question, assuming she had just finished a dance and was overheated.

Nolan gestured with his head to where one of the tall windows were off to the side of the balcony's doors; where he could see straight to the royals table, and consequently his sister sitting on her husband's lap; laughing and kissing with him. Nolan smiled, thinking his sister deserved happiness more than anyone else he knew. He was glad the King treated Esmee so well and that fact alone made him willing to fight an old friend for Jared's sake, "My sister seems happy here." Nolan said, still staring at the couple.

"Yes, Jared and Esmee get closer and closer each day it seems." Stina sighed, "Jared truly loves her, though he has yet to admit it yet."

She smiled looking over at Nolan, "I am glad you came to my ball."

Nolan's eyes widened at the tranquilizing sigh that those words were spoken with. He'd been around enough women to have a suspicion as to where this conversation was going and it made his throat clench. The urge to run off into the garden bellow was insistent, but he straightened himself instead, preparing for anything that came next.

Stina took a few steps so she stood closer to Nolan, as he found himself gulping as he looked down at the beautiful princess before him. Stina wasn't much shorter than himself, as he was average height like his father and she was tall like the other members of her family; this caused her to reach just under his long straight nose. Her blue eyes were bright even in the darkness and Nolan suspected it had half to do with the warmth blazing in them (warmth alarmingly aimed towards himself) and the other half with the dark line of make up around her waterline. Her dress was low cut and Nolan had to curb the urge from looking down lower than her face, knowing he wouldn't be able to stop himself from ogling if he did.

_She's a princess_, Nolan stated firmly to himself.

"Would you care to dance with me?" Stina asked swee**t**ly.

Nolan exhaled harshly before he answered, knowing standing close to her may not be the best idea as he had realized this night just how lovely she truly was. But nevertheless he found himself relenting as he nodded, "I'd be honored."

Stina refused to allow herself to be led back into the ballroom by him though as she bestowed upon him a large smile, while she took his hand, pulling Nolan close to her, "No, let us dance here in private."

_Well there was no question about it _now_, was there? _Nolan thought as he found himself relenting to her wishes, even though he knew that this was a horrible idea.

Nolan wrapped one arm around her small waist, as the other took her thin, long fingered hand into his and he twirled her around to the slow music spilling through the large doors into their private dance. Nolan kept as much space between their two bodies as possible with such an intimate dance, not wanting to become even more tempted by the very off limits princess before him.

Once she looked up at him though with eyes full of wonder, wonder she gave to him, Nolan knew he couldn't continue as he let go of her, stepping back abruptly.

"Princess Augustina…" He said, hoping the title would give the two of them distance, "Why are you out here now with me?"

Stina's smile faltered for a second, though she quickly recovered as she stepped closer, "To be with you…"

Nolan gulped, "Why though?"

"Because…" Stina started, confused at the horrified look on Nolan's face, "Well…I thought it was obvious…" she was stumbling, Stina couldn't ever remember another time in her life when she stumbled with her speech.

Nolan took another step back from her, as if she was fire or diseased, making Stina want to cry before she was even fully rejected. "Your Highness…" Nolan said but wasn't able to finish before Stina interrupted him.

"Stina." She said firmly, "Call me Stina."

Nolan shook his head, ignoring the request, "You are the only Princess of Thidon, you should not be looking at the likes of myself the way you are now."

"Says who? You are a lord. There is nothing wrong with a Princess being with a Lord." Stina argued, attempting to move closer to him so she could reach out to him but Nolan would not have it as he dodged again. The Gods only knew what stupid decision he would make if she actually managed to touch him.

"Stina, you are a magnificent young woman." Nolan said softly, and Stina's heart felt as if someone had just grabbed it and tightened as she realized this compliment would not lead to her dreams, "Any man would be honored to have you as a wife; which is why I must ask you to keep our friendship as just that, friendship."

Stina should have let it go, but found she could not as she pressed on, "Why? Why can you not fill that role? I do not want another man, only you. I have known it from our first meeting."

Nolan shook his head, "I am not looking for a wife, Your Highness, and you are wife material."

"Will you not even consider me?" Stina asked desperately, not caring enough at the moment to stop herself from becoming pathetic.

"No." Nolan replied simply, hoping she'd let it go and return to the ball; possibly find a more suitable man for herself, as Nolan knew there was no part of him that deserved the affection Stina was offering him.

"I do not want anyone but you, Nolan…" Stina whispered, fighting tears as she spoke.

"You are sixteen years old." Nolan stated firmly, "You are much too young to be making such a decision, especially with a man of my years."

"Your years?!" Stina argued back, "You're twenty! That is only a four year difference; and might I also argue that my brother is twenty-three to your sister's seventeen and were you not just saying how happy they were together?"

"That's different." Nolan said, as he took a deep breath to gain the courage for what he was about to say next; what he knew he needed to say but desperately wish he didn't. But if he had to hurt her to protect her he would, "Esmee's mature enough to be a wife, you on the other hand are not, darling." Nolan said the words with such derision it made him sick, but he continued, driving the knife further into the girl so she would not be left wondering over the likes of him, "I do not want you, Princess Augustina."

Stina stood there for a moment, shocked that the charming and humorous Nolan could say such jarring words to her, with a face made of stone that would revival her oldest brother's. Before he could see her cry from the revelation that her feelings were not returned, Stina quickly turned, holding onto the minuscule amount of pride she had left, as she walked calmly through the doors back to the ball to find her sister-in-law.

000

"Jared…" Esmee giggled out as he pulled her down into a hidden alcove of the hallway, before pushing her gently within it, arms wrapped around her tightly.

Jared's mouth grabbed hers forcefully, causing her to moan deeply within her throat, as she matched his finesse; pushing her body closer and closer into his. Jared's hands were wrapped around her hips, his hands grasping her tightly, as if they never planned on letting go. Esmee's arms wrapped around his neck, standing as high on tip toes as she could to get as close as possible to her husband.

Jared recognized this problem as well and his solution was to pick her up, forcing her legs to wrap around his waist for support. Then Jared leaned them against the wall, kissing her even more feverishly than before as the feel of Esmee's legs around him as her tongue warred with his, threw his control right out a window.

"This is becoming a regular occurrence between us." Broke into their passionate embrace. Esmee groaned loudly as she pulled her lips from her husband's and looked over his shoulder to meet her brother's green eyes.

Jared slowly placed Esmee back on her feet, bracing his head against the wall behind her to breathe in much needed restraint that would prevent himself from first pummeling Nolan for interrupting the two of them and second from dragging Esmee back to their bed to have his way with her. _Their bed? _Jared thought wondering when he started thinking of it as theirs. Probably the first night she spent with him, Esmee had looked so natural within his arms under the covers.

"Nolan…what can we do for you?" The words were said with such exasperation that Nolan could barely contain a smile. Thinking of Stina certainly helped though.

"Princess Augustina was looking for you." Nolan answered, his face straight at this and he tried to give a nonchalant shrug. After rejecting her she had run off to ask one of Esmee's ladies-in-waiting if she had seen the Queen; Nolan overheard and assumed she wanted Esmee for support. He felt he should at least find his sister for the girl after he was so harsh with her.

Esmee raised her eyebrows at him in question, knowing her brother well and being able to see the disquiet upon his face, "Is she okay?"

"She wishes to see you…" Was all Nolan said and Esmee nodded in response.

Before Esmee left though she gave one lingering look up at her husband, whose head had been pulled back from the wall and was staring intently at her face, back still turned to Nolan. Esmee's heart fluttered at the look of reverence upon Jared's face, never before having had someone make her feel so special and treasured. It brought happy tears to her eyes that she could not explain, as she smiled up at him.

Wrapping her arms back around Jared's waist, Esmee stood upon tiptoes to give him a soft kiss before leaving, "I shall look for you after I see to Stina." She whispered against his mouth, murmured words offering so much promise.

"I'll be waiting." Jared said back, giving her one more passionate kiss that he broke off quickly, not trusting himself with a lasting one.

Esmee disentangled herself from Jared, as she slipped on past him and her brother, but not before Nolan could give her a conspicuous smile, that wasn't quite as warm as usual. She made a mental note to talk to her brother tomorrow and see what was bothering him, because clearly something was.

Several moments after Esmee walked away, Jared had finally mustered up enough control to turn around and meet Nolan.

"You owe me." Jared stated simply, thinking of how close he had been to his wife, closer than ever before. He hadn't wanted it to ever end.

Nolan nodded, "Speaking of which, you and I should probably speak tomorrow." He said seriously, catching Jared's interest.

"Come to my study after lunch." Jared answered, clasping the other man's arm, "We'll talk privately then."

000

"He said I was too young." Stina cried against Esmee's shoulder in a small parlor not far from the ballroom where they had locked themselves in.

"He's only four years your senior." Esmee stated, more than just slightly miffed at her brother for breaking the poor girl's heart; though remembering the expression upon his face when he found her in the hallway, she found her anger softening. It had been clear to her that her brother was hurting as well, though she wasn't sure the exact reason.

"That's what I said as well. There's six years between you and Jared, I cannot see the problem with Nolan and I's difference." Stina sniffled before going on, "But then he said it was different between you two, because I'm not mature for my age."

"He said what?!" The anger was back in an instant as Esmee heard that. Her brother was lecturing someone on maturity? That was a joke in itself, "I'm going to kick him harder than I have ever before."

Stina laughed at that through the tears, "Nolan maybe right."

"He is not." Esmee argued forcibly, "And if he truly believes that then he hasn't seen the real you; the you that you are forced to hide from the rest of the world. The same burden Jared bears. Nolan doesn't deserve the side of you we are blessed to see if he is willing to brush you have so severely."

Stina shook her head against Esmee's shoulder, "He had tried to deny my feelings with ease, but I continued to push like a foolish girl until he had to give me the harsh truth."

"You are not a foolish girl, you're in love with him. That emotion can make anyone act desperate." Esmee answered, rubbing the girls back in comfort.

Stina sighed, slowly calming down, "I feel humiliated. How could I believe he'd feel the same for me?"

Esmee shook her head in response, though it was pointless since Stina was not looking at her, "Do not think like that, anyone would be lucky to have you. Pretty much all the men out there at your ball would agree with that."

"I want Nolan though." Stina argued, a fresh wave of tears falling from her eyes.

Esmee found herself kissing Stina's forehead, thinking how familiar this was for her, though before she was the heartbroken girl crying. Esmee realized suddenly that she hadn't cried in months over Blake and the constant sickness that had plagued her after their ending was gone, leaving only a dull pain of longing. _When had this happen?_ Esmee couldn't even recall that…

Then the startlingly question coming into her head of: _if I could change things where I could have married Blake with no terrible consequences, would I?_ Even more startling than her even being able to ask herself this question when months prior it was a statement that never faded from her existence, was that the answer was not clear. Esmee didn't know if she'd take that opportunity or not.

_What was wrong with her? _

Turning her attention back to Stina and trying to brush off the confusing thoughts, "You never know what will happen in the future and what is meant to be will be. My mother told me that and I'm starting to consider there may be some wisdom in those words."

Stina breathed heavily for a few minutes, as Esmee offered her silent comfort with her arms around the girl, brushing her hair and back, "I do not wish to go back to the ball." Stina said at last and Esmee nodded.

Obviously the girl in honor taking off from the ball may not leave the best impression to the guests, but Esmee couldn't force the poor girl back with the dreadful state she was in. Besides, the hour had grown late, many of the older local nobility had already started to take their leave back to their homes and the younger ones had taken part in enough drink that they'd probably be doing the same or simply too muddled to notice the Princess' departure. For those that did, Esmee would make an excuse and go out of her way to ensure they did not feel disgraced.

Of course this meant that she wouldn't be able to continue the heated kisses with Jared for a couple more hours, but it was a sacrifice Esmee was willing to make for her sister-in-law. Esmee knew what it was like to try to function with a broken heart. She would make sure Stina got the reprise she needed to spare her from that torture.

"I'll walk you to your chambers, beloved, before returning to the ball. Worry about nothing but sleep." Esmee answered softly, helping the girl stand with her.

"Thank you, Esmee." Stina whispered and it was the quietest Esmee had ever heard Stina become.

000

Esmee collapses dramatically belly first upon the bed, not having bothered to take off her ball dress. Her slippers fell with a light thud to the floor, as she swung one leg up behind her, not aware that she was showing a good proportion of her calf.

Jared noticed though and he found himself gulping at the desire that shot through him from just seeing a small amount of leg. No woman had ever had this amount of control over him before.

"I am never leaving bed again after tonight." Esmee sighed, pillowing her hands below her chin, as she rested her head upon them.

Jared's lips quirked up in a half smile, "I think we can arrange that."

Esmee looked up at him in mock admonishment, "Your Majesty is quite sure of himself."

Jared's reaction was to leap onto the bed behind her, his arms on either side of her ribs to prevent his body from actually landing upon his petite wife. Esmee squealed, though the sound quickly turned to moan as Jared brushed away the hair covering her back to over her shoulder and placed a delicate kiss to nape of her neck, his lips trailing down her spine until he reached the top of her dress.

"Jared…" She sighed out, as hunger filled her lower stomach, though she was aware it had nothing to do with food.

Jared began to run a hand up one of her arms, slowly starting at the wrist; as his other arm held him up over her. Esmee was so beautiful; Jared still couldn't believe she was his. His hand slowly caressed her shoulder, than down her side, over her rib, the indent in her waist, then finally her hip. He loved her body, her curves matching her small frame perfectly.

Esmee turned in his arms and Jared moved up slightly to give her more room to do so, once she was facing him he was awarded with the sweetest smile he had ever seen upon her face. Something inside of Jared tumbled over and his breath caught. Then her thin arms were wrapping around his neck, pulling his lips down to hers, as her lower body arched into him; throwing his body already fired up with desire into a state of absolute need.

Esmee's hands found his waist coat, slowly unbuttoning it, and then pulling it off his shoulders, while he watched her hungry for more; sending up a silent prayer that he wasn't misreading her signals. Once her hands pulled his tunic from out of his pants and those dainty hands reached under to caress his chest, Jared knew he wasn't and found himself leaning down to kiss her passionately, overcome by the feeling of her hands on his bare skin.

Jared's lips tore from hers as he pressed them to her neck, just below her ear, causing a moan to sound from Esmee's throat, as she moved closer to him, practically attempting to crawl into his skin. His lips slowly moved lower, across her collar bone, over her shoulder, down her chest, until he reached the cleavage just above the low dress, pushed up by her stays and taunting him. Jared placed a kiss over it and Esmee nearly suffocated from want and they hadn't even removed their clothing yet.

Not being able to help herself anymore, Esmee took the hem of Jared's shirt and lifted it up over his head, her eyes not following where she threw it as they were too locked upon the magnificent body in front of her. She figured he'd have muscle from the way he filled out his clothing and witnessing him in the practice yard of the barracks. But he was even more beautiful than any of the fantasies she had conjured up of him. Without any thought, Esmee leaned in to kiss her Jared's chest, causing a groan to escape from her normally stoic husband.

Esmee realized for the first time that her skirt was up around her thighs, as Jared's body was tucked in between them. Jared on the other hand had noticed straight away when it happened, along with everything else about her body. Jared pulled away slightly, looking down at his wife laying underneath him breasts moving heavily with her deep breathing, those stunning sea eyes looking dark with desire that he felt honored to have directed at himself.

Jared wanted her more than he wanted to live in that moment, but had to make sure first, "Just so I am clear, are you ready now?" he managed to rasp out.

Esmee grinned, "Do you really need to ask?" She grabbed face and pulled it down to hers to give him an earth shattering kiss, she pulled back reluctantly to whisper against his lips with determination, "I am most certainly ready."

* * *

**Author's note: **I finally took pity on poor Jared. ;)

This chapter was actually harder than I expected. Having multiple things happening at the same time with different characters was kind of difficult to put together. I hadn't expected it to be. I ended up pulling out half of one of the scenes because I just couldn't do it while keeping my sanity. Lol.

Reviews make me smile :)


	14. Chapter 13

**J Luc Pitard:** I like your plan for Stina. Think I may have to try that the next time I have a crush on a man. Sounds like a lot less of a hassle than dating to be honest. Lol.

**Cherryblossom201224: **I'm glad you're liking my story! And I'm all for Team Jared too ;)

**Anxious:** Eeek! Sorry for the long wait, dear! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Soft kisses across her shoulder woke Esmee the morning after Stina's birthday. Esmee slowly blinked her eyes open, fighting the exhaustion, as she noted the sheets before her were bathed in light. _It must be late morning by now…_Esmee's body felt languid and gratified; it was if there was no need to lift any of her limbs, because they already felt is if they were floating on air. A smile fell over her face before she could even remember the night before, but once the memories came back her smile widened even more; as she grasped the arms around her waist, pulling them tighter against her body.

Jared's mouth was still on her skin, as she turned her head slightly over her shoulder to say, "Good morning." in a sleepy voice.

Jared smiled against her skin, breathing in the faint scent of lavender still lingering on Esmee, "Good morning indeed." He chuckled against her, biting her earlobe.

Esmee found herself turning within his arms, needing to touch him the way he was touching her. Once she finally was in the position to do so, she skimmed her fingertips up and down his arms, then over his shoulders, the nape of his neck, then finally plunged her hands within his short brown her; bringing his lips down to hers in the process.

She had assumed the first morning after losing her virginity to her husband would be awkward and full of embarrassment; but this was not the case as she fell back into Jared's arms, her mouth moving idly against his. The night before was easy to recreate in the comfort of his arms, despite the sun alerting them it was by time they rose from bed; but neither could have cared less as they tumbled back into oblivion.

000

Jared rolled off of Esmee, panting for breath, as she was struggling with air as well. Though he hadn't wanted to crush her, Jared also did not want her skin anywhere but next to his so he used his reminding strength to haul Esmee up over his chest, as he held her circled within his arms.

Esmee snuggled closer with in his arms, just as desperate as he was for the feeling of skin on skin contact. A giggled escaped her as she looked down into his flushed face, from her spot perched upon his chest, and saw the happiness within his warm brown eyes. _She_ made him this mirthful, Esmee couldn't believe she had that kind of power, but was glad for it.

Jared ran his hand through her bed tangled hair, as his other hand caressed her lower back, causing Esmee to quiver in response, "You're beautiful." He whispered to her as her lips gently brushed against his.

Esmee smiled against his mouth, "And you are handsome."

Jared smiled again, kissing her as his hands explored her body tenderly, making him insanely want her once more, even after long night and full morning of bedding her.

"When I sent a councilman and Blake to Kenon to propose marriage as a means to prevent war, I never imagined it would turn out this well." Jared whispered against her mouth with adoration.

Just like that the mood in the room changed dramatically, as Esmee tensed up instantly and her breath caught in her throat.

After several heart breaking seconds of Esmee digesting the words Jared slipped out casually, Esmee was finally able to ask with a steady voice, "You sent Blake to propose marriage?"

"Yes, that's why he was there last year." Jared replied easily, though he pulled his head back slightly to look at her expression, wondering what had caused her body to turn rigid so suddenly, "Did you not know?"

Esmee inhaled deeply, unable to meet his eyes as the grasped the remaining control she had to explain calmly the situation without having to involve Blake, fearing her face gave too much away and Jared would begin to suspect. Esmee could never allow that to happen, she would never allow Jared to be hurt that way; the way she hurt with this new found betrayal, "I was not told about the marriage for several months after…I suppose I never put together that, that particular visit was to bring up the topic of a strategic betrothal."

_Strategic betrothal? _Jared thought, studying her for a minute, feeling the words send a rush of coldness into the room. Though Jared knew that their marriage had been one of convenience, as a way to tip the balance of war and peace, he had almost forgotten it he had found himself becoming so happy with his wife. Being reminded of that while their bare skin touched one another, after what was surely the best night of Jared's life, made him feel rotten; as doubts crept into his mind. Was Esmee only here still because it was her duty? It was a dangerous question that Jared hadn't even considered last night she had seemed so willing and immersed in their love making that there was no room for him to doubt what she wanted. However now he wasn't sure.

"Your parents did not tell you about it right away?" Jared asked gently, watching Esmee carefully for any signs that she regretted the night before.

Esmee shook her head in response, as she found words were hard to find while trying to continue to keep her control.

Jared brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear as he answered her nod softly, "No wonder it had been such a trial for you when we had first met…"

_You have no idea_, Esmee thought as she thought of the latest surprise in her life. _Blake knew? How could he…_

Jared kissed her lips gently and Esmee found herself closing her eyes to lean further in, needing him to help her forget this treachery; the blatant misuse of her affections. _What game was Blake playing? _Esmee wondered, almost terrified by the answer, but more heartbroken than anything. She didn't let the tears fall though, instead Esmee threw herself more into her husband, knowing he could wash away the pain.

000

Jared hadn't been a virgin when he married by any means. The thought alone that he could have been was simply laughable with all the women who were willing to throw themselves at him since he was sixteen years old. There had been many females more than anxious to prove their worth as mistress to the Crown Prince or even possibly wife; but last night and the morning after had never happened to him before, not even once with these other women. Jared had become mindless with Esmee, wholly out of tune with the rest of the world save their bed. But somehow impossibly had been hyperaware of her; her body, her desires, her sounds, her breath as he brought Esmee to her pleasure multiple times before finally succumbing himself with her a final time.

Everything that Jared had been denying until now came to ahead: he was in love with his wife. Madly and deeply in a way he had never thought possible. He would do absolutely anything for her, give up anything and this realization shook him, as Jared wondered at Esmee's feelings.

The speculation that there may have been someone else before him that she loved being brought back forward for contemplation, a thought that had slowly dwindled from his brain over the past couple of months as their relationship blossomed more and more. But now the fear was back and Jared couldn't help the ugly idea that someone else held Esmee's heart as he sat here anxious at the possibility that she may never love him the way he loved her.

The satisfaction of knowing that Jared was the one to have married her, bedded her, and in the future would father her children was not enough if he found Esmee did not love him, _could _not love him, _would_ never love him as he loved her. Could he ever truly make her happy if she was in love with someone else? Jared wanted her happy and would do just about anything to give that to her, but the lingering thought that he may never be enough hit him sharper than a knife.

Jared's complex thoughts were interrupted though when Esmee reappeared through the doors leading to her chambers, dressed and readied for the day; and leapt into his arms, kissing him thoroughly. Jared found himself holding onto her tight in response as he surrendered into her passion; sending a silent prayer that this was evidence Esmee may in fact be able to fall in love with him.

"Just needed one of last good bye for the day." Esmee said, pulling back slightly with a small smile on her face, "I shall see you later."

Jared smiled down at her, pushing aside all worries for the moment as he looked into her glowing face and reveling in the knowledge he put that there, "Good day, sweetheart." He answered, wishing he could tell her his feelings instead, but worried that would be too much for her, at least at the moment.

But Jared made the decision then and there that he would fight for her love, so that one day Esmee would hold no regrets over the man she had become tied to.

000

Nolan was lying across a low settee by a large window in Jared's study reading a book on the geography of Esterdell when the King finally walked in an hour after their set time.

"I'm sorry for my tardiness, Nolan." Jared greeted, as he shut the door.

Apparently not hiding the lingering satisfaction from his night and morning very well, Nolan raised a hand, "Just as long as you do not give me _any _details, we are good." Jared smiled down at him, shocking Nolan. The only time he ever saw the King smile was with Esmee. _She sure did a number on their monarch…_

Jared rounded his desk as he gestured to a seat before it with his hand, "Come, let us talk."

Nolan sobered instantly as he stood up and walked over to take the offered seat. With a heavy sigh he opened up about the worries he had from Blake and his conversation the night before, "You know Blake and I were good friends once…" Nolan started and took note of the way Jared's jaw tightened just at the mention of his brother's name, _there was certainly something going on in this castle and it wasn't good, _Nolan thought, worrying himself even more at the safety of his sister, "And I would not betray his confidence for any light reason."

Jared nodded at this, "I have no doubt of that either. Please go on."

Nolan ran his hands roughly at the nape of his neck as he continued, "Blake and I talked last night and I was concerned by some of the things he had said." Nolan looked directly into the King's eyes as he continued, "More than concerned. He was watching my sister and the look in his eyes was anything but brotherly as it should be with Esmee as your wife. When I confronted him on it, he made a disturbing remark about her only being your wife for _now_." Nolan let his words sink in for Jared, though nothing in the man's face gave off what he was thinking Nolan knew this wasn't something any man wanted to hear. The possibility of your own blood wanting your wife was one thing, but the thought that they may be willing to harm you to sate that desire was entirely different, "Blake attempted to back track and insinuate an annulment might be in your future, but the look in his eyes…it was untrustworthy. I do not think he was speaking of a simple annulment."

Jared was silent for a long moment, soaking in the new information presented before him. Blake being a traitor was an idea that was becoming clearer each day. Blake lusting after Jared's wife was another that Jared had begrudgingly taken note of as the looks in her direction never seized and then Blake's way of inviting himself into Esmee's company during court, as Jared had been told of on a few occasions by several informants he had placed in the great hall during the day. But that Blake may be willing to kill Jared to have Esmee? Well the idea alone made Jared sick to his stomach, as the fear for Esmee's safety at the hands of someone so obsessed consumed him.

"Did he say anything else?" Jared asked, though his own voice sounded far away even to himself.

Nolan thought of the conversation for several seconds before adding, "When he made a comment about Esmee not being with child, allowing an annulment, it hadn't sounded as if he was happy over the fact." Jared stood up straighter in his chair at that, confused as he willed silently for Nolan to go on, "For a man who had just claimed to want to swoop in and become her husband, it was almost as if Esmee had offended Blake by not carrying your child yet." Nolan shook his head, "Maybe I misinterpreted the tone, but it had changed so drastically it's hard to find comfort in that explanation. But why on earth would he want her as his wife and yet still bear you a child?"

Jared wanted to know as well.

000

Blake cornered her in the garden as Esmee wandered in solitary, hoping to string along the facts into something that made sense. When she noticed his approach Esmee's eyes narrowed as she turned to walk the other way, willing to run if that was what it took to get far away from the man who had caused her so much distress.

Blake didn't take the hint though, as he raced after her fleeing body, taking hold of her arm forcefully to turn Esmee around roughly to look at him, "Where are you going?" He asked, confused.

"Let me go." Esmee said sternly, though she wasn't even able to turn her eyes towards his face; scared to break down if she did.

Esmee felt stupid for not realizing sooner that the meeting with her family, the prince, and a councilman had been in subject of her marriage to the king. _Honestly, how had she not concluded this before? _Esmee asked herself, swallowing harshly at the quick answer: she hadn't realized it because she had loved Blake and that love made her believe blindly in whatever he claimed. Esmee was ashamed of herself for being so ignorant.

"What's the matter with you?" Blake bristled, not letting go of her arm as Esmee struggled some more to get away from the man.

It took the majority of Esmee's courage to finally look up at Blake, meeting his eyes, and the rest of her bravery to hold the tears that were threatening to fall, "I know, Blake."

Blake straightened instantly at her simple words, becoming visibly nervous, though he attempted casualness as he smiled the charming smile that once brought Esmee to her knees. It had no effect on her this day though.

"What is it that you know, love?" Blake asked, voice softening as he tried to slid in a flirting tone; but Esmee could tell he was deeply agitated.

"You knew about my betrothal to Jared before you had ever even met me." Esmee spat out, unable to keep the vehemence from her voice, "You knew and decided to pursue me, make me fall in love with you and hope for a future with you!"

Blake was speechless as his mouth hung agape, plainly surprised that she had found out such information. This made Esmee even angrier. Did Blake really think she was so brainless that she wouldn't be able to put it together eventually? Maybe she was in fact brainless for it taking so long though.

"Was it a game for you Blake?" Esmee asked, allowing her anger to take over her mouth for once, "Make the betrothed of the eldest brother fall in love with the youngest brother who lived in the shadow? Finally take something from the King? Huh?!"

"Of course not, Esmee!" Blake nearly shouted, "I loved you! I never would have used you in such away. Please, love, let me explain…" Blake begged, trying to take hold of her shoulders, but Esmee had none of it as she took another step away from him.

"Do not call me 'love'!" Esmee hissed out in response as she turned to leave once again, but Blake's arm shot out fast, halting her escape again.

"Please...listen to me." Blake begged and Esmee found despite her better judgment that she was relenting. She turned fully to him, this time not bothering to hold back the tears forming in her eyes.

"You have a minute, Blake." Esmee responded softly and then inhaled deeply, "One minute to give your pathetic excuse." She added with more than a touch of venom in her tone.

Blake nodded at this, looking down, the picture of chagrin; though Esmee couldn't help but wonder how much of that was an act as well, "I fell in love with you, Esmee." He whispered pulling his eyes back to hers and Esmee had the feeling that he was trying very hard to make her see his distress, "I do not know what I was thinking pursuing you when I knew you were my brothers…but I could not stop myself I loved you so much."

"That's the thing about love that you do not understand, Blake; the thing that makes it perfectly clear your feelings aren't true for me." Esmee answered, not the least bit impressed by the man in that moment.

"I do love you!" Blake interrupted fiercely.

Esmee shook her head, "Love is not selfish like that, Blake. If you loved me you wouldn't have caused me so much pain, wished me to feel for you so strongly, knowing that it would inevitably end and I would be left with a scar upon my heart." Esmee sighed, a single tear falling down her cheeks, "No, you never loved me."

Blake gripped her shoulders, "No, that's not true. I thought…I thought maybe there would have been away for us. But I couldn't find one…and then it was too late."

He looked so broken in that moment that Esmee almost believed him entirely. However something held her back. She supposed she could call it sanity, but it seemed more than that. Something was lacking in that moment that wasn't before; that something that had dazed her into falling for the man before her. Esmee didn't feel for Blake the way she had before, she realized suddenly. Was she still in love with him? She could not say no right away, but she couldn't say yes either, so didn't that basically come down to a big fat "no"?

Esmee was confused, but that was no different than before, only all at once it seemed this was no longer about her and Blake, because the image of her husband's face flashed before her and wouldn't leave her mind. She needed to see him now, needed to get away from the Prince and the conversation that should not be taking place because she shouldn't be having any feelings-confusing or otherwise-about her brother-in-law. Esmee would not put Jared through the kind of pain she felt; she couldn't think of a single thing she wouldn't do to save him from that heartbreak.

With that she attempted to finish their conversation bluntly, "I have to go Blake…"

"No." Blake answered desperately, "Tell me you believe me."

"I do believe you, but I still do not want to see you for a long time; at least not outside of family obligations." Esmee answered simply with much less emotion than before.

"How long?" Blake asked, gulping roughly.

Esmee shrugged, "I do not know."

Blake tried to grab her hand one last time, more gently before but halting nonetheless, "I will not give up on our friendship, Esmee."

Esmee shook her head sadly at that, "I may." And pulling her hand out of his she rushed off.

000

Nolan was introduced into Esmee's private sitting room later that afternoon by a footman. Esmee looked up at him, meeting his eyes, before turning to the ladies-in-waiting and maids in the chambers and dismissing them all. Her brother and she needed to have privacy for the conversation she wanted to bring up.

"Esmee we need to talk" Nolan said, once they were left alone in the room and he took a seat on the settee across from her high backed chair next to the hearth.

"Yes we do." Esmee said critically, staring her brother down, "I cannot believe what you said to Stina last night! You broke the girl's heart. How could you be so harsh with her?"

Nolan sighed deeply, no part of him wanting to have that conversation with his younger sister, but knowing he'd probably end up with an earful from her no matter what he desired. But before that happened he needed to protect her and that involved warning her, "Not about that." Nolan replied, "About Blake."

Esmee went stiff at the name and Nolan knew her well enough to see the look of guilt crossing over her expression, raising his alarm. She was hiding something that much was obvious to him.

"What about him?" Esmee asked and Nolan could almost picture her curbing the urge to twitch in her seat.

"He is in love with you." Nolan said, waiting for her reaction.

Esmee laughed at that, though there was a twinge of nervousness in it, "Do not be ridiculous."

Nolan was quiet for several long moments as he stared directly into her eyes. Though he looked calm it took all his strength to ask the next question, because it had never been a possibility in his mind until now. _His_ little sister having a relationship with her brother-in-law? Two minutes ago he would have laughed, because she was much too loyal and kind for that type of behavior. But now?

"Esmee…." Nolan asked after a minute and then lowered his voice as if there was someone close by to overhear his question, "Are you having an affair with Blake?"

Esmee visibly blanched at that, but replied firmly, "I would never have an affair."

Nolan nodded, believing her, however he knew there was something going on, "Then tell me what _is_ going on between you and Blake…"

Esmee tried to smile her way out of it, forgetting that this was her brother in front of her and not one of the many strangers she fooled every day, "Why would you think anything is going on between us? That's absurd."

"Esmee…" Nolan pressed disapprovingly.

To his horror his sister's eyes began to well up with tears. _Had Blake hurt her?_ Nolan was going to kill the Prince if that was the case; though he'd most likely have to wait until Jared finished with him first.

"This can't leave this room…" Esmee whispered and Nolan nodded, "I mean it, Nolan…it would be more than catastrophic if anyone should find out this information."

"You have my word." Nolan answered as Esmee stood gracefully to walk over to the settee he was on, taking a seat next to his. She wouldn't shout this out, even over the small amount of space they did have between one another. If for some reason someone was listening in through the doors (as unlikely as that sounded) Esmee couldn't allow them to hear the next words that came out of her mouth.

"Blake and I had a romantic relationship before I found I was betrothed to the King." Esmee finally said, a rush of relief flooding through her at being able to say the words out loud to someone. To not have to hide from one person, as the only other people who knew about her and Blake were himself and Hally. Neither one of those identities could she confide in anymore; one being the object she needed to stay away from and the other living back in her childhood home.

Nolan was silent, as he stared at her awestruck, "Have you seen him since you learned of your betrothal?"

Esmee nodded her head, "Not in a romantic sense but in that of friendship. I couldn't just throw him off to the side." Though Esmee wished she had with the recent revelation she had about their relationship.

"Esmee!" Nolan hissed out, "You cannot hold friendship with him with a past such as that. If the King finds out…"

"Jared will not find out." Esmee said firmly, "I will not allow it."

"Then please, Esmee, wash your hands of Blake now." Nolan pleaded, terrified of what could come about if someone found out. Not many would believe that the relationship ended once Esmee was married. How would the royal family react to such news? Though Nolan had no doubt that Jared loved Esmee, how strong was that love? Strong enough to cover betrayal? Nolan couldn't imagine what he would do if he found out his wife and love in fact loved his brother.

"Do not worry on that account, brother." Esmee replied, falling into the back of the settee, "I found out Blake knew of my betrothal to Jared the entire time. I have no wish to see him any time soon."

Nolan couldn't help the glare he sent her way, "You should not have been seeing him in the first place and I hope by 'anytime soon' you truly mean never. Do not play with fire Esmee." He said sternly, sounding almost like their father, which despite the serious nature of their conversation made her smile.

"Do not worry so much for me, Nolan." Esmee answered calmly, "It is under control and I am faithful to my husband."

Nolan nodded at that, seeming to relax a bit more, "He is a good man, Esmee and he loves you dearly. Be thankful for that."

Esmee swallowed roughly, wondering why those words affected her in a way so strongly that she choked up, "Jared does not love me, but you are right, he is a good man."

Nolan shook his head at that, "Oh he loves you, little sister. Open your eyes and you'll see it just as the rest of us have."

Esmee shook her head, giggling softly, "When have you become any identifier of love?"

"Some things are just plain." Nolan shrugged, leaning back as well on the settee, though he could no longer look at his sister.

"Hmm…" Esmee said, watching him intently. She knew her brother just as well as he knew her and she had never seen him this way before; so contemplative and grounded, "Are you ready to talk about what happened with Stina?" Esmee asked, plunging into her query.

"Nothing happened between Stina and I. Just as nothing will ever happen between Stina and I." Nolan answered, still not able to look at Esmee.

"So you had to call her immature and make her cry?" Esmee asked, slightly miffed as she recalled how fragile Stina had been the night before in Esmee's arms.

"I did not like doing that." Nolan said, finally turning to face her head on and Esmee could see by his expression he sincerely meant his words, 'I just needed her to see that I was not the one for her."

Esmee raised her eyebrows at that, "Why could you not be the one? Why could you not at least see where it goes?"

"Stina could do much better than I…" Nolan said, voice nearly a whisper and Esmee could not remember the last time the two of them had such a somber conversation as this one. Nolan was baring himself as open as he ever would to her or anyone else for that matter and Esmee could see how he was truly hurting inside. This made Esmee sad for him, as well as frustrated because damn it, Nolan could be happy if he would just _try_ with Stina.

"Of all times to be introspective, Nolan…honestly…" Esmee sighed dramatically, "If you truly feel something for the girl; enough feeling that you would push her away solely to make her happy, then why don't you choose to change the habits that cause you to think you are not good enough for her instead? You'll both be thankful for it in the end, as opposed to you both miserable as is the situation now."

Nolan shook his head, "I will not chase possibilities that would most likely lead in grief. I am not fit for marriage."

Esmee saw the stubbornness etched upon her brother's face and knew it was useless to argue but made sure her point was known nonetheless, "You are making a mistake."

"Maybe, but if by making a mistake for myself results in saving Stina from making a mistake with a man who was not what she deserved, then the choice is easy."

_That's what love was_, Esmee thought.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Whooo. That was actually exhausting to write. I had to force myself to sit down after a long day just because I didn't want you guys to go another day without a new chapter. On that note, I'm in the process of moving, trying to graduate school in June (and falling WAY behind), plus raising two little ones so my updates will probably be a bit father in between than they were before. Do not worry though, I will not give up on this story ever and will be writing bits and pieces when I have the chance until I get a new chapter. Hopefully next month will be better for me and I'll have more time for this story. Until then bear with me guys.

Hope you liked this chapter!


	15. Chapter 14

**J Luc Pitard:** You noticed that huh? I kept meaning to put him into various scenes then kept forgetting about him. Not wanting to write the whole section I would just think of a new way to put him in the next part, then forget him again. I'm the worst fictional pet owner I swear. Lol. :P Don't worry though he makes his comeback in this chapter :)

**SmellofRoses: **Glad you liked it and that Nolan now knows. Hope you enjoy this chapter just as much :)

**Aggovender: **Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you're enjoying my story that much. It means so much to me. And thank you for the well wishes on my studies.

**MertleYuts: **I'm happy you're enjoying the characters growth in my stories. Esmee certainly has taken much more control over her emotions. Thanks so much for the review!

**AtrashMD: **I do the exact same thing! I don't check my favorite fanfictions too often because I want to read more chapter than one and once, so I have more to read in one sitting. I feel able to enjoy it that much more that way. I didn't know anybody else did that!

**Maaike: **Thank you! Sorry about the long delay!

**Author's Note:** I'm back after a long, horrible move (friendly advice: don't attempt relocating by yourself) and finishing up my semester of college. Now I'm onto a new one, but I'm not going to be as busy until finals come around again and I'm sure I'll be done with this story by then so never fear!

* * *

Esmee tried to not allow her displeasure with Blake show, but she wasn't sure how good of a job she was doing. Stina had her arm wrapped around hers, chatting insistently about this and that, while Eveline stood on Esmee's right, commenting when necessary, but otherwise seemed more rigid than normal and Esmee couldn't help but notice the glares the Dowager Queen sent to Blake-who had tagged along uninvited. It was the look only a mother could give a child and it was clear disapproval, making Esmee wonder if Eveline suspected something; though praying she did not. The worry made Esmee's hand shake as she tried to focus on Stina's enthusiastic voice.

Pyre pranced ahead of the group, sniffing for animals around the hedges and shrubs, but not having luck as the creatures that roamed the gardens in the plethora over the summer were already beginning to prepare for the prospect of winter as the tree leaves began to change into gold and red hues.

Esmee found herself thinking of back home and the way the trees looked as the snow gathered on the branches, surrounding their manor in magnificent white. Would the castle gardens look as splendid and magical? Oddly enough, Esmee found herself eager to find out, instead of longing for the comfort of Kenon.

It wasn't long into their stroll when Esmee found herself getting tired, which was surprising to her because she normally walked for much longer and farther distances within the day. _Maybe it was nerves?_ Esmee thought, as Blake continued to watch her with a hooded gaze that was too obvious and made her want to slap him so he would realize what he was doing was beyond suspicious. All along Esmee noticed the looks Eveline kept giving Blake, terrified that all would come out just because the boy wouldn't turn his eyes elsewhere.

Soon the fatigue took another turn though as she stopped suddenly and grasped onto Stina's arm tighter, her body feeling hot and weak, as if unable to hold itself up. "Esmee, what is wrong?" Came Stina's voice, though it was quiet to Esmee's ears, and a ringing began. Then suddenly white formed around her vision, tunneling in until Stina's face along with everything else was no longer in her line of sight.

Esmee felt as if she awoke straight away after she collapsed to the stone ground, when in truth it was several minutes. Blake and Stina frantically tried to awaken her, before Eveline stepped up and shooed them away a few steps so the girl could have some much needed air; though she didn't bother trying to back Pyre away from Esmee, knowing it would be no use.

Esmee groaned as her eyes opened, her vision still blurry as she looked up to see Eveline's face directly in front of her and Stina and Blake's worried faces a few paces off and Pyre at her side, whining as he licked her hand. Eveline didn't seem the least bit concerned though; as a matter of fact a slight smirk curved over her features that reminded Esmee much of her oldest son.

_Why would she be smiling?_ Esmee thought, trying to lift herself up, but tiring from the effort quickly, as her head once again lost focus of her surroundings.

"Lay back down for a minute, Esmee." Eveline commanded, before turning to Blake, "Blake go find her maids to come help her back to her chambers. Then call for the physician. Stina and I will wait right here with her."

Blake nodded, scurrying off, more diffident than Esmee had ever seen him before. It clinched at her heart, thinking his feelings for her may have been genuine all along and not just some twisted play that she had assumed since finding out he had known Esmee was betrothed to Jared during the entire course of their relationship. Those complex thoughts fell out of her mind just as quickly as they came in as a wave of nausea hit her, making Esmee groan out loud once again.

Stina looked down at her sister-in-law, worry creasing between her eyebrows, as a frown pulled at her lips. Looking up at her mother she asked, "Do you think she caught some sort of sickness?"

"No, I do not think that is what the problem is." Eveline answered, "And I also do not think we need to worry at all. Let us just wait for the physician and his prognosis."

Esmee would have under normal circumstances wondered at Eveline's words as there was always a double meaning when concerning the Dowager Queen, but at the moment she could think of doing nothing but breathing to suppress the urge to pass out again or possibly throw up.

The desire to have Jared near in the moment was fierce, though Esmee couldn't guess as to why. It's not as if he was a physician that could heal whatever ailed her. Still his calm support was her deepest wish at that moment and somehow she knew instinctively that all her pain would seize just by his presence.

000

Not an hour later, Esmee had been changed into nightclothes with the help of her maids and lay tucked underneath a mound of blankets that her sister-in-law insisted on, awaiting the castle's physician's opinion as he finished his examination. Pyre sat next to the head of her bed, watching the physician intensely, waiting for him to make one wrong move towards his master.

The kindly old man smiled at her, as he began to pack his bag, "Your Majesty, you will be fine." He said then his smile broadened, "You are expecting a child."

Esmee's breath caught in her throat at his diagnosis, not quite believing it straight away, as her and Jared had only been intimate for a month and many women she knew waited several before becoming with child. It seemed too good to be true that for them it would happen quickly, "Are you sure?" she asked him carefully, not wanting to let herself feel joy until there was no doubt over the matter.

The physician nodded, still smiling, "I am positive, Your Majesty."

Esmee smiled at last, letting out a long breath, as she tried to grasp onto this new information. She was to have a child; she and Jared would be parents. It felt unreal to her, as this was the most important moment in her life and yet it seemed untouchable to her, too wonderful to experience consciously.

Once the physician took leave of the room and Eveline and Stina came in, her maids shuffled behind the pair to attend to her, Esmee actually found herself giggling at the prospect, so happy she was.

"I am to have a baby." Esmee announced to her in-laws questioning expressions. Stina instantly squealed, as Esmee expected her to, and wrapped her arms around her tightly.

"I am going to be an Aunt!" Stina screeched again in excitement, this time next to Esmee's ears making her cringe, though she joined in the laughing anyway.

"Stina, maybe you shouldn't suffocate the girl who just fainted?" Eveline broke in, causing Stina to look chagrined as she stepped back, apologizing. Esmee shot her a smile to let her know all was okay, "I am happy to hear of an upcoming heir for Thidon." Eveline said, back straight, hands folded together neatly in front of her skirts, the picture of elegance and grace that Esmee had come to expect of the Dowager Queen always. However there was a hint of mist in Eveline's eyes that Esmee picked up on easily, and she knew that Eveline was indeed happy to hear the news.

Esmee thought of Jared, anxious to give him the news, "Would you have someone send for Jared?"

"Already taken care of." Was Eveline's reply, "I have no doubt he will be here shortly. Let Stina and I say our farewells to you, so you may speak in private with Jared and rest."

Stina gave Esmee one last hug before leaving, whispering "This will make him so happy." in her ear, before leaving the room, with a wave towards her sister-in-law.

Esmee lay back down against the pillows, waiting impatiently for her husband's presence, wishing she could run to him to give him the happy news. But the thought of fainting again deterred that idea quickly, so she settled with fantasizing about her husband's reaction, unable to keep the smile off of her face. Never had Esmee been so happy and prayed that Jared would share this level of joy with her, after all she knew no other who deserved it more than him.

000

"What shall we do?" Leeland muttered into the silence that had fallen over the room for several moments after Jared shared the information he had gathered about an alchemist in a large village in the mid country having a young man matching Blake's description purchasing the poison that Jared was now convinced killed their father.

_What shall we do? That was a very good question indeed. _

"I do not know." Jared answered, staring ahead of himself, hands clasped over his mouth trying to hold in his emotions best as possible, as they warred within him; something akin to absolute despair and intense anger.

"He is our brother…" Leeland spoke once more, trying to make sense of it all himself. The hopeless optimistic in him wanting his family to have no more betrayals, to pick up the pieces of a shattered childhood and bring them into a bright future.

"I know." Jared answered guilelessly, wishing for the same as Leeland but having no hope himself for the impossible.

"Are we even sure he's an actual threat?" Jared raised his eyebrows at Leeland, silently asking if Lee was crazy for even questioning such a thing with this new information. Lee hurried on, desperately, "I am just saying, Jared, Father was an animal; I could understand Blake's desire to murder him, whether I agree with it or not. That doesn't mean he'd harm _us_."

Jared shook his head, "Look at all the other evidence, Lee. If all he wanted was to stop Father's tyrant, then why does he seem to continue mucking his hands with bribes? Giving money underhanded to those who would happily see my head on a spike?" Jared sighed, "Or why has he taken such an interest in _my_ wife?"

"Well Esmee_ is_ beautiful…" The look Jared shot Lee forced his hands up in mock surrender, "I am just pointing out, Jared, that Blake could simply be taken with her and not out to use her against you."

"It is much more worrisome than that." Jared answered, voice tight, "Blake has always wanted what I had our whole life. I worry in his eyes Esmee is just another object to try to steal. I am walking on a thin line with his ugly jealousy and I do not want Esmee to be the one to suffer." Jared looked colder than Lee had ever seen him and for a moment his heart stopped, "If he does anything to her, I shall forget he is my brother."

Before Lee could respond to that uncharacteristic remark, made by his brother who put family and duty above all else; there was a knock on the door, putting him on hold.

"Enter." Jared shouted, and directly after a footman opened the door and in stepped a nervous looking maid, with her head downcast.

"Your Majesty." The maid curtsied quickly, and then turned to Leeland doing the same, "Your Highness." Looking back up towards Jared, her hands clasped in front of her, fidgeting she delivered her message, "Your Majesty I was sent to tell you Her Majesty, Queen Esmee has taken ill. She fainted earlier and is currently being treated by a physician within her chambers."

Jared shot out of his chair quickly, making his way around the desk towards the door and maid, "Is she alright?" he demanded, not helping to quiet the girls nerves at all.

"I…I do not know, Your Majesty." She responded, but Jared wasn't listening as he took off out of the room, forgetting his brother in the study in the face of his wife's ailment.

Leeland looked after his brother's retreating form, awestruck, then chuckled, never having expected Jared to fall in love; least of all to a woman he had been betrothed to whether he liked it or not. This made Lee happy, having wished for long time for his brother to have some respite from the demands that had been bestowed upon him since the moment of his birth; and seeing that Esmee offered him just that. However, it worried Lee too, because as the ominous indications that Blake wasn't on their side closed in on them, it made Esmee and Jared's affections a prime target for use.

Leeland sighed heavily as he rose from his chair to leave the room, terrified of the future and what may come to pass. He wished Blake would just leave well enough alone, but that wish was fruitless as Blake had never been that type. Ever since they were children Blake had a jealous streak and the idea he was entitled to the world without any of the work or ramifications that came along with that ownership. But hope had Lee thinking Blake would outgrow it, become a good man and at last make his place among his siblings as they had all wanted. It was becoming clear now though that would never happen and that the behavior was just becoming uglier as he grew, Blake resembling their father more and more each year. That was what scared Lee the most, that their father's brutality could be inherited, that maybe they all had a bit of it inside them. What did that say about the royal family?

000

"I heard you fainted today, are you okay?" Jared asked rushing into her bedchambers as Esmee was being helped out of bed by Taryn and Lanie; who had seemed to turn into mother hens upon the news given to Esmee not a half an hour prior, "What are you doing getting up?" Jared asked once he noticed her intention, as he walked closer to her, ignoring the maids as he stood in front of her; attempting to gently coax her back into bed with gentle hands on her slim shoulders, "You should be resting."

Esmee giggled up at him, catching her husband's hands in her own, "There's no need, Jared; I feel much better."

"You fainted, Esmee." Jared argued, unable to prevent himself from rubbing his thumbs across the backs of her hands as she held onto his, "You cannot be feeling too well."

Esmee turned to her maids who had backed off a few paces to give the couple at least the facade of privacy, "You both are dismissed." She commanded with a smile, her good mood never leaving, as she was sure it wouldn't for a long while.

"Sit down, Jared." Esmee requested, as Pyre came back to her side to rest his head upon her lap and she stroked his head; her other hand grasping Jared's hand as her head turned to face him full on. She wanted to laugh at the serious expression her husband wore. Esmee didn't think she had ever seen the man so frazzled. _Did he care for her so much?_ The idea made Esmee smile wider, more anxious than ever to share the information she had just learned.

Taking the small hand previously resting on Pyre's head she brushed Jared's cheek, as he turned his mouth into her palm for a small kiss, "Jared…" she said, voice catching, "I am with child."

Jared was silent, trying to absorb her words; Esmee bit her lip in anticipation, wondering what he was thinking, hoping he was simply in the same state of shock she had been in when the physician first told her, "You are sure?" he finally asked.

Esmee nodded quickly, "Yes, the physician confirmed it."

Esmee suddenly found herself lifted up and into her husband's lap, turned completely in his direction, legs being forced to adjust on either side of his torso; as he lips crashed down upon hers, clinging and tasting her as if he had never before. Esmee gave as good as she was given, holding onto him tightly, as she kissed him back, never wanting to stop.

Jared pulled away slightly, noticing the watchful gaze of Pyre, "I do not think your wolf enjoys my affections towards you." He whispered in her ear, causing Esmee to smile as she unwrapped an arm from Jared's neck to hold out to Pyre, who walked up to her and licked the back of her hand tentatively.

Jared's hands began to gently caress her sides as he watched her tenderly pet her companion. _She'll be a good mother_, he thought not able to help himself from smiling.

"He has been more protective and docile than usual since I fainted." Esmee said softly. Jared's large hand found her stomach, as it spread across her small frame, almost covering it width to width. Esmee turned her eyes down to the placement, smiling, "I hope he is as watchful with our son as he is me."

Jared grinned at her, pulling Esmee closer, "Our son?"

"Yes." She answered, nodding, "Our son."

Jared raised an eyebrow, "How do you know the child is a boy?"

"Mother's intuition." Esmee answered cheekily, as she ran her hands fingers through his short hair, pulling his head closer to hers so only the briefest movement forward would bring their lips together, "Now no more talking, darling. I wish to celebrate." Jared agreed with that idea entirely, bringing his lips down onto hers in one passionate gesture.

000

Jared lay on his side later that night after supper; his naked wife's back pressed against his chest, her head resting upon his bicep, as his other hand found itself placed delicately across her stomach.

"What are you thinking of?" Jared asked softly, kissing her behind her ear.

Esmee giggled, "What do you think?" she turned her head to him slightly, to gaze at him over her shoulder, "Our child. I still can't seem to wrap my mind around it; I am going to be a mother, we made a _life_."

Jared smiled down at her, unable to prevent himself from leaning over to give her a gentle kiss, "You have made me so happy, Esmee."

Esmee turned herself fully towards him at those words, settling back close, her chest touching Jared's, as her arms wrapped around his neck. Esmee's eyes drew to his dark brown ones, looking so heedless in this moment that it caused her heart to race faster. _Who would have ever thought she could make the King feel this way?_ Her own lips quirked up into a smile as she unwrapped one of her hands from his neck to trace slowly over his face, wondering what features their child would take from him and which from herself. Esmee's smile broadened as she imagined a small son the image of his father.

"I am happy as well." Esmee proclaimed and it was surprisingly true as she thought about all the heartache that led her here to this moment where she no longer wished for something else, "Thank you." Esmee whispered a minute later against his mouth.

Jared lifted an eyebrow in question, "What for?"

Esmee smiled slightly, tracing his lips as she answered, "For allowing me time as you did. Letting me choose when we made this a 'real' marriage; because of that I was able to find myself ready for this-a child-and I couldn't be happier it has happened. Before? I do not know how I would have felt.."

Jared kissed her softly before answering, "I would do anything in my power to make you happy, Esmee."

Esmee smiled brightly, scooting closer to her husband, "I am so very lucky."

_I love you_, Jared thought, the words on the tip of his tongue, dangerously close to spilling out. But he held on with a vice grip, knowing she wasn't ready for that; terrified that if he came on too strong, too soon he'd tear apart the relationship they had built. Esmee was happy with him she said, and he believed it with the smiles that came so easily on her face these days. He hoped that would grow into something more in the future. The anticipation of a child in a few months, a little person that combined the two of them, certainly pointed to growing closer, bonding more than ever before.

These joyous thoughts were only hindered by the worry of it crumbling under his brother's touch. The fear that Blake would use Esmee or their child as pawns to hurt Jared, was not entirely unfounded. Jared wished he had all the information already; that he could lay every bit of the suspicion and dread to rest so he may bring his child into a country with grounding. He needed to find more, needed it all out in the open before he took action; knowing that he'd never be able to live with himself if was he wrong and punished his brother when there was a simple explanation (as unlikely as that scenario had to be).

In the morning, Jared decided with finality, he'd step of the search; whatever it took he'd have this done with before his child was born.

* * *

**Author's Note: **The fainting could be considered a little cliché in the fanfiction world, but I actually fainted four times with my first pregnancy, so I decided to throw it in anyway, because it's just an unfortunate though common symptom of pregnancy. :P

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I have half of the next one all written up and I'm hoping to have it up by this weekend. Thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:** My computer is acting up so I rushed through the editing on this chapter, so I could post this chapter before it possibly crashes. Eek. So please excuse spelling and grammar errors. And SmellofRoses thank you so much for the review! And yeah...people in love are kind of ridiculous :P

* * *

Trevor's knock on the King's study was cautious; as he was not quite sure how to breech the subject once he entered the room and sat face to face with His Majesty. Though King Jared had never proven himself to be anything other than collected when he was in his presence, there was on occasion a twitch of the jaw when he gave the man bad news, for Trevor to know there was reactions underneath the calm facade and he had a bad feeling the King wouldn't be able to keep that reaction under control this time.

Once Trevor was ushered into the room and the door was closed behind him, he noted that today in fact the King was throwing off some emotions, slight as they were, and it was of the anxious variety. This did not help Trevor's own nerves in anyway, as he happily accepted the goblet of wine offered to him.

"What have you found for me?" Jared asked, once he took the seat, noting that Trevor seemed to be delaying, which was never a problem before. Jared braced himself for the next bit of news over his brother's dealings.

Trevor sighed, rubbing the nape of his neck, "I must be honest with you; I am not quite sure how to give you this news, Your Majesty."

Jared raised an eyebrow, "How about straight to the point?"

Trevor didn't say anything though, just reached into his waist coat pocket, taking careful precautions not to look at the King as he pulled a stack of letters out; that were bound by a thin, black leather strap, "Here, Your Majesty." He said, handing them over without another word.

Jared look at him quizzically, then down to the stack in his hand, pulling the first one out and opening the page he saw a date from somewhere a little over a year ago, and Blake's name. Jared instantly recognized the penmanship, stopping his breath momentarily, before he could make himself skim down to the end, where it was signed neatly with 'Love Esmee'.

Jared threw the letter down upon his desk as he opened all the others as fast as possible, barely able to skim them, but the meaning of each and every one of them as clear as glass. Then he got to the final letter, dated a two weeks before their first meeting in Kenon; the pen slightly more angled, as if done in a hurry or state of distress, but nonetheless Esmee's. This one he read, feeling his hopes dash with each word, as Esmee explained her tale of her parents betrothing her to the King, pleading with Blake to help her from that life; claiming her love for him in an open way that Jared had prayed for towards himself.

So much for bracing himself, Jared nearly felt as if he had the same heart misfortunate his father mysteriously suffered from. His chest clenched tightly, as the anger boiled within him as a part of him desperately held onto the thin thread of denial.

Jared heard a loud bang, and realized half a second later that it was the sound of his fist against the wooden desk. He pushed himself violently from his seated position, grasping every letter in his hand tightly, as he made his way towards the door; barely aware of what he was doing and what was happening.

Remembering Trevor at the last moment, Jared furiously turned around before he left the room, eyes shooting daggers to the man, "Never tell anyone of this information, do you understand me?"

Trevor nodded hurriedly, not pointing out that he was a professional and would never do such a thing for the man he was working for; certainly not the king, "I will not, Your Majesty."

Jared's only response was to stride instantly out of his study, long legs carrying him quickly to his next destination: his wife.

000

"All of you leave us." Jared demanded of the room the minute he walked through the doors with a dramatic swing open, startling Esmee out of her conversation with Alace.

The ladies-in-waiting and servants scurried out of the room at the King's tone, though he paid none of them any mind, as his eyes were locked on his wife who had remained sitting upon her settee; a confused expression on her face at Jared's abrupt and furious entrance.

"Lanie!" She said, breaking her gaze from her husband, just as the maid was about to quit the room, "Please take Pyre with you. I am sure he could use some exercise. Perhaps in the gardens?" Esmee had wanted Pyre out of the room, seeing her husband's agitated state. The wolf could be overly protective by a mile and she feared rising the animal's tension in an encounter with whatever was bothering Jared.

Lanie nodded in response, gesturing with a snap of the fingers for Pyre to come with her, and quickly though quietly, closed the door to the sitting room.

"What is it, Jared?" Esmee asked softly, rising from her seat. Her hand fell against her stomach, where in her third month a slight swelling had begun to form, though most probably hadn't noticed it yet. Jared had pointed it out a week ago, a proud smile on his face at the proof of his growing child.

Jared stepped forward towards her, throwing the letters on the seat next to her; before he abruptly turned on his heel so his back faced her.

Esmee took one look at the stack and felt her heart drop, her hand grasping her stomach tighter, as she fought for breath. One look, that's all it took for Esmee to know what they were.

They were both silent for a long minute, neither having any idea as of what to say. Where could they begin with such betrayals? Bile rose in Esmee's throat, though her fear was not for her own fate, as it should have been, but for her husband's and the pain that must have inflicted him as he found out about Blake and hers' relationship.

"Jared…" Esmee began, her tone clipped, and sounding distant even to herself. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't, as she stood there frozen in shock that after all this time the truth had finally come out.

"Tell me it's not true." Jared begged, his back still to her, unable to turn around and look at the woman he loved; the woman who loved his brother, "Tell me it is just a very good forgery." Jared finally mustered up all his courage to face his wife, "Tell me, Esmee!"

Esmee broke into a sob then, placing the hand not on her stomach over her mouth to muffle the cries. Jared shook his head in disbelief, before instantly turning to a side table and in an unexpected action kicked it into the wall, causing the wooden legs to crack off and fall onto the floor. Esmee jumped, but other than that made no movement. Even though he was angrier than she had ever seen it, Esmee had no fear that he would hurt her. He wasn't the type of man to do so.

"You are in love with my brother?" Jared asked, though the question was direct, an accusation really and the words felt heavy in his mouth. Having them out in the air sent another gash of pain into his chest, causing him to physically double over, as he used the mantel above her fireplace for support.

"I love you." Esmee said surprising both of them and after the words spilled out, Esmee realized quite suddenly they were true. She was finding out just how important her husband was to her, as she was clearly losing him.

Jared was taken aback by the declaration. Esmee had at last uttered the words he most longed to her from her mouth. What surprised him even more though was the sincere look on her face, as the tears ran down her cheeks; pleading with him silently not to throw away all they had. This made Jared believe her only for a moment, as the proclamations of undying love on parchment addressed to his own brother bled back into his mind, hardening his resolve against any of her words.

_She's a liar_, he repeated over and over, as he held back his own feelings of love and devotion that he sickeningly couldn't toss out even after this betrayal.

"Evidence suggests otherwise." Jared finally bit out, his tone sharp.

"I do." Esmee pleaded, "Please, Jared, just listen to me…"

"Why?!" He cut her off, furious, "Why should I allow you that courtesy when you have done nothing but lie to me since the day I first met you?" Jared's gaze fell down to the stomach she clutched so protectively, a disgusting thought filling his head for the first time, and he surely thought he'd die just with the suggestion, yet he asked anyway, "Is the babe you carry even mine?"

"Of course he is!" Esmee's voice rose in protest to the turn of questioning without any hesitation, which gave Jared a glimmer of hope, "You are the only man I have lain with. You should know this considering you are the one who divested my virginity."

Jared scoffed, "Who knows? Perhaps you were pretending then as well."

"Jared, just allow me to explain…" Esmee tried again, taking a tentative step towards him, an arm outreached to touch him. Jared stepped back quickly, not allowing her to close the distance between them.

"No explanations; spare me that at least."

"What shall you do with me?" Esmee asked meekly, thinking suddenly of all the punishments that could face her if Jared chose in fact to press the matter in such a way. Could she trust that he was good enough of a man to ignore such treachery? He looked so pained and furious in that moment Esmee couldn't be sure. All she could do was pray that he would think of the well-being of their child.

"I do not know." Jared answered, turning from her once again, the anger slowly fading from his tone, as the aching torment set in, bringing him to a point he had never felt before in his life, even when his father was alive, "For now you will stay in your chambers; with only your guards, maids, and ladies to accompany you." He said firmly, trying to hold control of a situation that had clearly been taken from his hands long ago, " You will not be seeing Blake again." He shot her a look of disdain, as if daring her to argue with command. Esmee wouldn't, her feelings for Blake long gone and replaced by the overpowering ones she felt for Jared. Not being able to see the Prince again was of no consequence to her, "I will figure out what we will do in the long run later."

Jared made his way to the door swiftly, not able to get out of her presence fast enough, but Esmee hurried after him, grasping his arm in a tight grip, "Please, Jared…I swear, I was never unfaithful to you." She moved around him to stand face to face and raised a hand up to his cheek, wanting to brush her fingers against it, but he filched away as if she was poison "It was over once I learned of my betrothal…"

Jared shook his head as he moved around her, ignoring Esmee entirely, "I have no need to hear of your relationship with Blake. _None_. Do not speak to me again of it." And just like that he was gone.

000

It was three days before Esmee saw Jared again. He hadn't stuck to his demands fully, though guards and at least one maid were with her at all times, even at night while she slept. By the second day he allowed her out of her room as long as she was not alone. The guards seemed to take charge over her whereabouts and Esmee wondered if they were under command to make sure she avoided Blake.

Esmee fought the urge each night to go through the doors that connected to Jared's room. Sleeping without him caused her to wake up frequently from what felt like only half unconsciousness. Her dreams were plagued with the memory of his confrontation.

Stina visted her a countless number of times, asking what had happened; but Esmee just shook her head each time, trying to hold back the tears. Esmee couldn't bear to see the look of hatred on Stina's face, along with her eldest brother. Besides, could she really trust Stina with the information? Though Stina had never been anything but kind and supportive, Esmee was having a hard time believing anything at face value as of late after what happened with Blake. And Jared was trying so hard to keep this quiet. No one seemed to know what the fight was over, just that they had one, and it was large. Esmee wouldn't insult him by allowing the information to slip out into the public's ears.

It was midafternoon on the third day when Jared came to her rooms, causing Esmee to scramble up from her position on the floor next to Pyre, who she had been petting for her own comfort more than the animal's. Esmee lowered herself quickly to a curtsey, as did the maids. Esmee hadn't felt the need to formally greet her husband in months, however now that she was out of his good grace's she refused to take any chances at insulting him.

Like the last time she saw him, he ordered the other occupants out of the room, only this time with much less menace and far more control. Today Jared was entirely collected, the regal essence vibrating off of him, just like he was with everyone but those closest to him. It made Esmee instantly nauseous, as she found herself preferring the yelling to this aloofness.

Jared wasted no time to deliver his judgment, "Tomorrow morning an escort will take you back to Kenon."

Esmee couldn't stifle the gasp that escaped her mouth, "You're sending me away?"

"Yes." Jared answered candidly, expressing nothing further.

"Will I ever see you again?" Esmee asked, voice soft trying to hold firmly to her control so she wouldn't embarrass herself by dropping to her knees and begging for Jared not to do this, not to send her away. How would she ever sleep again without his arms around her? How would she laugh again without his dry comments and light teasing? It was as if Jared had slowly become a part of her and now she was expected to leave half of her behind. How could he stomach that? Esmee figured the only answer was that he simply didn't love her as she did him. That hurt almost as much as the leaving.

Jared gave away none of his emotions as he answered her, acting still just as he did in council meetings or in the great hall with the court. That's how far she had fallen, he was treating her just as another subject, "I will come to you once my heir is born. If you bear a son he will after all be the future king of Thidon."

He called the babe for the first time his heir, not his _child_, his_ heir_. That hurt Esmee more than she could ever imagine, because it was proof how detached he had become from herself and the baby growing in her womb. More tears fell down her face as she nodded her answer, unable to speak.

"Is there anything you would like to ask of me before you depart?" Jared asked, looking towards the door, clearly awaiting the end of this conversation so he could get out of her presence and on with his life. His life without _her_.

_May I stay? Could you love me the way I love you? And please, please forgive me…_none of those things she could really say out loud, as they would do Esmee absolutely no good she could tell. Jared had made his decision and that decision was to wipe his hands as clean of his wife as possible.

"May I take Lanie with me to Kenon?" Esmee bit out, her voice wobbly as she tried to hold in the tears.

"Very well." Jared answered, "If that is all I'll leave you to pack."

Jared gave her wide girth as he made his way to the door, causing her even more pain, as her very existence clearly making him uncomfortable.

Esmee ignored the maids, as they walked back in once Jared left. She was unable to hold herself together anymore, so she pulled together any amount of pride she had left, turning on her heels to her bedchambers, and closing the doors behind her. Pyre snuck in with her, as always choosing to be by her side.

Once she sat upon her bed, Esmee allowed the tears to flow, placing a hand over her mouth so as not to make any noise. She couldn't let anyone else know. It was better they jumped to their own conclusions as to her and Jared's falling out. However, Esmee wasn't sure how she'd be able to keep up with all that entailed, when this pain clinched around her ribs and heart. Esmee had thought losing Blake had caused her great suffering; that was nothing in comparison to this.

000

Jared might have sent her away with little care it seemed, but the large riding party made up of mainly guards said that he put some effort into her trip and her safety. It warmed her frozen heart a bit with hope that perhaps he did still have some feelings for her. But then Esmee remembered how he said he'd visit her once his child was born, his _heir_. Most likely the concern was for their child, Esmee decided as her lips formed a thin line and the carriage took off.

This time Esmee was forced to camp one night halfway from the Castle of Thidon and the Manor of Kenon. Falling asleep in the carriage and possibly falling off the seat, causing harm to her child may have sounded ridiculous to many, but Esmee took no chances. Besides, sleep was already hard enough for her to find since she left Jared's bed. She doubted she'd get any within such small confines and little comfort of her carriage.

Lanie seemed content to sit across from her during the entire trip silent for the most part, and Esmee caught the look of wonder on Lanie's face as she stared out the window, watching the landscape turn into dense forest on the morning of the second day of their travels.

"It's beautiful." Lanie whispered, and Esmee turned her head to the maid sharply, surprised to hear sound after so long of only hooves on the dirt ground in her ears.

"I always thought so." Esmee answered, looking out the window as well, "I was surprised to find myself loving the castle as much as I did. I had never thought there would be anywhere as beautiful as my forest."

Lanie's head turned from the view and towards the Queen, who was still looking out the window, anguish practically etched into her skin. Lanie rose from her seat quite inelegantly, as her legs were cramped, and moved to sit next to the Queen; still a tad bit scared of the repercussions of her boldness, despite never finding a reason to fear Her Majesty before.

The Queen did not even seem to notice, until Lanie reached out her hand to place upon her shoulder, clothed in dark navy velvet, a mourning color, Lanie thought. Esmee turned her head towards Lanie, looking directly into the maid's eyes, and Lanie felt as if she could cry herself upon the sight of the tears in Esmee's eyes.

"It will be alright." Lanie said softly, "I promise."

Esmee said nothing as she took Lanie's hand in her own in a gesture of friendship, and leaned back against the seat. _How could anyone promise such a thing?_

000

The first night back at Kenon, Esmee found herself in bed before dusk even fully set. She was tired yes, as the babe had caused her to become easily fatigued, but in truth she was in bed so early because she couldn't face the word any longer. The pretense of a dignified queen despite being sent off by her husband tore at her. Esmee didn't feel as if she deserved dignity and as much as she wished her heartache would ease, she always knew she didn't deserve that either after what she did to her husband.

The only thing that kept her from failing into a complete pit of despair was the tiniest bit of hope that one day she could earn Jared's affections again. After all she was still his wife, was she not? And the mother of his child? Surely, he'd give her a chance again and she'd take it the first opportunity she got, and would spend the rest of her life making up for the lies and betrayals.

There was a knock on the door and though Esmee would have preferred to ignore it, she couldn't be that rude to the household that took her back in without any questions, which she knew they were dying to ask. Without any confirmation of who was even at the door, Esmee knew that was what this knocker was looking for and she was obligated to give them an answer.

"Enter." Esmee said from her spot on the bed, knees up to her chest, arms wrapped around her shins as she stared at a spot on the wall without really seeing it. In her mind she was thinking of Jared and how she could get back into his good graces.

Catalina walked into the room, closing the door behind her quietly. Making her way to side of the bed Esmee lay on-the same side she lay on in Jared's bed-and sat down, pulling one of her daughter's hands in her own.

"Tell me what happened, beloved." Catalina said kindly, but it was a demand nonetheless. Esmee knew she was afraid and wanted to be prepared.

Esmee straightened her legs, and leaned by against her pillows with a deep exhale before she began her story; still looking at the spot on the wall, not wanting to see the shame on her mother's face once she heard the news, "The man I was in love with before learning of my betrothal was Blake."

Esmee allowed a moment for the words to sink in for her mother, knowing the blow of such information would be great, "Blake as in…?" Catalina let the question hang there, her surprise encompassing her normally collected self.

"Yes, Mother; Blake as in Prince of Thidon and younger brother to my husband, the King of Thidon." Esmee responded dryly, throwing it all out there now that there was no reason to hide the truth from her family, besides shame, which Esmee already felt so much of at this point, what was a little more?

Esmee braced a look at her mother, who was running her fingers over her forehead, distressed, "I am sorry, Mother." Esmee said meekly, "I never meant for any of this to happen."

Catalina made a slight scoffing noise at that, "I am sure you didn't, my dear." Catalina sighed, bracing herself for the rest of the story, "So your husband found out?"

Esmee nodded, biting her lower lip, hoping to stem the tears as the image of Jared's face when he came to her with the letters he had found shoved itself up to the forefront of her mind. He had been so angry, so _hurt_. Did he still feel that way? Was the cool demeanor he sent her off with just a mask for the pain? Esmee almost wished he hadn't loved her, so at least he wouldn't have to suffer too much now that she was gone. "It was horrible, Mother."

"He didn't catch you…" Catalina said, a bit hesitant, "You two didn't continue the affair within your marriage, did you?"

"No!" Esmee responded passionately. Though she could understand why this was being questioned, it still greatly offended her. Esmee had never been and would never be the type of woman to have an affair, "I may have been naive and stupid, but I would never dishonor the vows I made."

Catalina nodded at that and after a moment of silence to contemplate the new information, she took Esmee's hand in hers again, stroking her thumb over the knuckles, "You know Jared could have done much worse to you in ways of punishment…"

Esmee sucked in a breath as a fresh wave of tears hit her, "I know and he did not. Jared is a good man."

"He won't be angry forever." Catalina said reassuringly.

Tears were flowing freely out of Esmee's eyes after that, unable to hold it in anymore, "He wouldn't even allow me to explain, Mother."

"Oh, beloved." Catalina responded, pulling Esmee into her arms, "Give him time."

Esmee sobbed against her mother's shoulder, taking in the comfort as if she was still a child, "I just want our relationship the way it was, but I do not think we'll ever have that again."

"Maybe you'll have something better." Catalina answered simply, but continued vehemently when Esmee's only reply was a shake of the head, "The truth is out, Esmee. There will be no lies between you once he comes back for you; no more shadows to look for over your shoulder."

Esmee looked at her mother incredulous, "_If_ he comes back."

"He'll come back." Catalina said firmly.

"I do not know what makes you so sure." Esmee grumbled, tired of the conversation and wishing to be left alone.

Catalina wasn't the least bit put out though by her daughter's attitude, "I have much more experience in such things than you, Esmee. You will just have to trust your mother on this one." And with that she rose from the bed, leaning over to kiss her daughter gently upon the forehead, "Sleep, beloved; your child needs your strength."

Esmee looked down to her abdomen at that, her hand unconsciously finding its way to rest over the babe, "I have always wanted to be a mother, yet here I am now completely terrified." Esmee gave a slight smile as she thought of her child, "Though still full of nothing but elation at the idea."

Catalina smiled at that, "Oh darling, you take me back. Some days you are so like my own self at your age it is as if I am looking at a long ago memory." Esmee wondered at her mother's words as she looked up towards her. There was clearly a hidden meaning within them and Esmee had to remind herself that her mother was in fact more than just that and the Lady of Kenon. Catalina did not talk much of herself and Esmee found she was suddenly very interested in knowing more of the woman who raised her. As if sensing her thoughts Catalina said, still smiling, "Nolan brought much joy to me while I still felt much sorrow. Your father and I could not have been more blessed than we had been with the two of you."

Catalina kissed her daughter once more on the top of her hair before making her way out of the room. Esmee fell back against the pillows, knowing already another restless night awaited her.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Please let me know what you think!


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